"Remember" - Waiting For The Moon

breathless and speechless
incredibly powerful
melted from inside out

zelda and scott

another infidelity

i thought they were a casual couple
zelda being the extravagant and boisterous loud girl
scott interested in only superficiality:
the gold girl looked good

the couple the biggest spender
alcoholic and hollow in the jazz age

zelda declined his proposal:
he could not support the gaiety she wanted

but they managed to marry

first in money
then with worry

zelda who didnt conform to normality
lost herself yielded to insanity
sent to sanitorium

scott left to win bread
wrote script
developed an affair with an actress
died

and after eight years the sane woman
resided under his shadow
lived with his ghost.

reality too drunk to be observed
sanity too sad to be true

reflection upon this festival of reunion

mid autumn festival
is traditionally a festival of reunion

i thought mental reunion rather than physical togetherness

the shape of the moon
is a shape of absolute smoothness
the orients believe that this shape without edges implies harmony
and we look at it and contemplate upon it on this particular day
because
lunar aug 15 is the day of the year on which the moon is the brightest and the roundest
it gets so bright that the milky galaxy is in comparison dimmed
so the river separating ox boy and stitch girl vanishes
thus the couple reunites

sharp edges and angles, on the other hand, are blades and quarrels
that hurt and harm
that kill and murder

on this day i am imprisoned in this cell
all windows closed and spotlights on
its hot and steamy and suffocating
i thought people are interrogating and threatening
im getting blinded and smashed
im losing faith and confidence

i see killing blades on the threshold of this home
it cuts and the blood dyes the tiles of this room
the red flooded this place and is filling up the room
not a nice pool to swim in

for we are mentally miles apart
we don´t appreciate one and other´s point of view and perspectives
we don´t even bother to make an effort to understand our differences
so just let it be
let fights rule

i puke
when the gist of the fest is reduced from psychical oneness and coalescence
to physical or appetite satisfaction

someone just called from the living room
`theres something to eat now!`

this is a pathetic mooncake festival

Jamie Cullum twenty something

in the dark

been waiting for this night
when i have eyes but see not people rushing
have ears but hear not city hustling
motions frozen when vision slights
neither my heart rumbles
nor my brain mumbles
when i lose my sight
my whole being is directed to the might of darkness

in the dark

i spoke from my heart
with unattended jokes
turned into fun larks
they became your coke

i heard your giggles
they made me smile
yum yum apple crumbles
dine at river nile

our travel begins
mere the planning cheers
talk while holding gin
erase dirt and smear

these are the days of youth
of dreamers and idealists
like you and me

we dream even without vision in the dark

need a treat. be it connection to outside of me.

today i needed a treat but i didnt know what would bring satisfaction

first attempt
food
i tried a waffle from yamazaki
trying to retrieve the joy and the freedom i had in brussel
failed
i knew before i bite it that it wouldnt taste too authentic nor even just nice
but i thought it would trigger my happy motor
but it failed

second food attempt
frozen yogurt at holly cow
pretty good as a matter of fact
and the big portion surprised me
quite creamy and milky too
though i wanted something more solid and sour
the yogurt type of sour
bacterially sour
anyway
it failed cheering me up

didnt quite know where the low came from
school work and stress?
i reasoned it to my having not yet adapted to the HK mode of study
things are getting pretty intense
three english courses, 1 lit 1 sort of soci 1 personal but with too many questionnaires to fill in...awwwww
and two courses on journalism which are superb eyeopeners
now i truly know i love journalism and politics and newspapers
and one course by funny au yeung on cantonese
thought i would be fun well a little perhaps for newcomers
but i felt like im repeating my freshman year taking his course
cant quite stand him anymore
should i drop it?
then add another or just have five courses?
well
frankly not quite intense nor too harsh
but comparatively it is compared to what i had in DC
what an exchange student would focus on
not really academics but truly
new experiences

anyway should stop reminiscing

was on my way to tutor baby
didnt want to cause was stressing out a bit and was really tired
brain only on tsang chung wing and politics YAY journalism!
and thinking if i should take do course add drop
work harder or be chiller
ay i know i shouldnt be like this cause i am far too lucky
already
but what can help

wanted to be in touch as well
perhaps friends would help
just needed someone to talk to
when i have an early off from class so i have 1 extra hour not having real tasks
when i have strong lows from nowhere perhaps knowing your high resolves all
when i wanted to nag a little and say things like ay i cant see the baby today shade!
and i texted a friend
she gave no response
alright i know friends are usually busier than i am
never mind i had a book with me
good heavens i had a book

finally went shopped a little
it helped diverting my attention from my
mood
and myself
to physicality and appearances
materiality at least satisfies a little
superficiality
temporarily it helps

so all i needed was just a diversion
and time out
from pondering upon unsolvable actually solving-unnecessary issues
stupidly enough

yay i gave myself a treat!

oh bonus treats: i got two chinese books to read!

looking forth to tomorrow evening a real time out from reality...
dialogue in the darrrk

the vulture in me

feeling miserable
for incredible unreasons

the l word haunts
again
like a vulture hovering
right above my bloody red land
yet to blossom into crimson red
yet to be bled into a lively deadly river

rather not a stagnant dead sea

as a piece of flesh
it could be taken away
when the giant bird shoots down to hunt
its ferocious blinks through its sharp eyes
ready to chew
digest and eradicate
my complete being
i could be
forgotten within a blink

this animalistic creature haunts
it goes and comes
casually carefree
but completely destructive
adds to cruelty

brutality defines today
too tired to contemplate

Time for the real life has come
But I ain't ready to be a student of the territory.
Not ready to read
nor write
not used to the chineseish expressions and
the murmur
the tightness and
the boredom
the limit and
the cage

awwwww say ay

I feel the touch of the icecold rigid metal bars
where is my melting pot to melt them down?
how
to break out from this prison of my mind?
phantom whispers free
but i see no light beam or stars
grip not a compass or a map
neither tools nor
any human beings are around
i heard faintly
the being says
turn the corner

This well that nurtured
now dried
sucks fluids of any type
my blood flows out of my body
via the yuckly plastic tubes
the elixir that sustains
now looks like mere colour paint

am almost dehydrated
i feebly mourn and twist my waist
uncomfortably i could have bitten my tongue

a beetle ready to die
about to reborn into a butterfly
not quite resurrection
head tilted looking forward to a transformation

idealisation and fantasisation Being redone

almost a forever yes yes of me
to which does me better if i turn it into a no no

too big a dreamer
enough said.

distance allows the projection
of the ´want´ image onto the biggest silver screen of reality
always shinning quite delusive
in the dark chamber audience would take it for real
the audience being me the one and only deceived
producers would laugh and tease
this is a metaphysical performance

there ain´t a villain
no way a physical being
not even a moving shadow a swiftly twinkling
ill.ly illuminated ghost
But the mind
broad as it can be
extremely powerful and infiltrating
got soaked up by this yucky fluid of lies
thready and numbingly

why would i film if i write only poetry and no scripts for dramas

i
m
getting
tired
getting
bored
and
impatient

losing my ration

needs a break from
facebook
and
everyone