藍鋁

幾乎又錯過. 我怕會遺失記憶, 錯過時光. 快快把所思所想記錄下來.

迎日經歷太多, 感受情緒各種各樣.

剛剛史提芬.亞蘇里同學教我跳 ballroom dance, 很好玩.
右腳後踏, 左腿後踏, 右腳左踏, 轉身, 右腳一踢再跑. 我們就跑過hallway好幾遍了.
可能剛才笑聲太大, 心想各房內正在溫習的人應該心裡罵了我好幾句吧.
哈哈, 不過星期五就是放肆天!

既說起史提芬, 就多介紹他一下.
十九歲的美國意大行裔男孩, 已經大學二年級了,知識廣博得令我傻眼.
愛上他的地理歷史政治宗教文化科, 難忘一起洗衣聊天漫談的種種, 乒乓友伴, 派對同行保護者, 又與里好.索古拉, 及他的另外兩位朋友, 艾殊文.那摺和朱利安.傅在急診室伴我度過那劇痛的晚上.

史提芬雖在美國出生, 自小在新澤西長大而未有多返意大利, 但深受父母的深切意國背景影響, 傳統家庭觀念深厚, 可謂極好先生.
又風趣幽默, 體貼溫柔. 是我在美國可以談上心事的好好朋友之一.
其他人包括室友[]及上海姑娘胡小玲(卡卡, 是譯音不是真名.)

再說史提芬, 他就是好人得太過份.
室友說他太好人,女生不會喜歡.
跟據艾殊莉的理論(其實是建立在達爾文"適者生存,物競天擇"的理論上), 女生會選擇比較自私 (我想乃是指非狹義的, 單指"自己"的"自"; 而廣及至指"自身家庭, 妻兒"的"自"吧)的男生.

我不甚認同.
男生都是大方的好. 自私的人怎懂得好好愛人? 人總不能夠雙面得對家人極好而在外就惡霸模樣吧.
實在不敢苟同.
況且我根本就不認同自私的人確會從剝削, 利用他人中得益. 他們倒會因得小益而損失更多.
新仔工作守則第一條: 不要怕蝕底. 幫助他人的過程中自己中總有學習.

而里好就正正喜歡上史提芬呀! 每次見到里好受工作學業壓力困擾而顯得垂頭喪氣脾氣差時, 數十分鐘後卻又聽到她興奮快樂的笑聲, 就知道她正與史提芬聊天了.

而我對他是有強烈好感的. 但我分得清朋友, 暖昧, 以致戀人的關係, 而更清楚簡單維持朋友關係往往是一段親密友好關係的最佳保鮮方法.

上面我使用了"體貼溫柔"四字形容史提芬, 其實完全沒有誇張成份或搞笑的目的. 他實在是如女生般體貼溫柔.
起碼比我和我的室友體貼溫柔, 也比我認識的絕大部分人心細如塵. 窩心得很.

昨晚就同一個熟諳的大學朋友(天哪我忘了她的中文名字寫法!)說起男生的女性特質.
去年夏天我們二人和另外兩名男生歐遊, 其中一名與我們玩得特投契的又是一個不夠陽剛的男生(大鑊!他會讀到這篇記事嗎?!).
其實不夠陽剛是否等於讚他了解女生心事? 而其實女生也有男生性格.
而其實我極希望自己更像男生一點. 而其實我比較喜歡與有多男性特質的朋友相處, 如爽朗, 如簡單, 如勇敢. 不論男女.

不過看得多肥皂劇就往往被肥皂劇中的角色定型洗腦: 女生總是嬌媚造作, 繼而勾心鬥角 (先看宮心計), 貪靚無腦活當花瓶, 時時擺山無辜可憐, 其實可悲智障的樣子.
可恨的水汪汪大眼睛, 其實表示女生的無能乏力, 要男生出頭解決問題. 乃謂英雄救美.

我當然非極端女性主義者, 但我實在看不下荒謬的錯誤男女分界線.
我更希望找得到絕世英雄好決漢, 但又深明其實世上無此人. 又或, 介時我會嫌棄他不解溫柔.
老掉牙的配對.

又有另一位更像女生的男.朋友: 里奧.曾.
兩年前暑假剛認識他時實在沒什好感. 覺得他太計較了, 太不大方了. 熟絡後又確發現他對朋友極好. 就是, 那種彷彿女孩堆內才找得到的關心.

在控訴角色定型期間, 自己又掉進generalisation 的黑洞.

不論如何, 我, 身為一個過於被動的人, 還是十分興幸自己有這麼多好朋友的. 我愛, 並珍惜我的朋友.
又記起母親曾經提起, 小學時的我總在學拉著姐姐裙尾, 回家哭訴自己沒有朋友. 而媽媽最後叫我送食物識朋友的故事. 而當時姐姐會嫌我煩.
是真的嗎? 嗯, 我進步了!



後話. 感情的抒發, 文字實在比影像奏效.

最後, 略記過去數週的快樂活動:
drama: the real thing with glc @ davis theatre on campus
1st informal gab on theatrical performance @ poulton
new year celebration with ning and chen: food, monopoly, chinatown dinner with plus nehal and stephanie
valentines day movie with ning and chen
valentines day dinner with ashley, camille and pauline @ paparazzi
pizza party at pauline's @ kennedy
drama madness and civilisation (starring federico and nikki) with steve @ davis
ash wednesday with steve @ chapel
cherry tree massacre with glc @ gaston
gelato with ashley, steve and ashman

Up coming tonight:
peruvian food
the princess and the frog with ning @ ICC

沒有拍照片就用文字盛載過去記憶感覺好了. 滿足.

後後話: "剛剛"史提芬.亞蘇里同學教我...一句中的"剛剛"已是約三小時前的事了...

我還想講面孔書及雅虎 blog 中尋表親的故事, 不過現在應該先工作一下, 下回再續.

語文格格﹕寫出成語

語文格格﹕寫出成語
(明報)2010年2月25日 星期四 05:10
【明報專訊】請寫出與十二生肖有關的成語

鼠□□□（形容目光短淺）

□牛□□（比喻極大數量中的一小部分）nine cows one hair

□□□虎（傳謠言的人多了，就可以掩蓋真相）

兔□狗□（比喻利用完人後就將其拋棄）

□□□龍（表裏不一，口是心非）

□□□蛇（對付別人時想得不周密而讓對方警覺）hit grass frighten snake

□馬□□（比喻有經驗的人對事情熟悉）

□羊□□（事後及時彌補錯誤）dead goat mend prison

□雞□猴（以懲罰一個人來警誡其他人）kill chicken warn monkey

□□雞□（出類拔萃，與眾不同）crane stand chicken group

狗□□□（比喻倚仗權勢欺人）***i only know dog eye look person down

豬□狗□（只懂玩樂、不務正業的損友）pig friend dog buddy

shoot...i only know half...

deadly sensations

frailty of life
fragility of our body

the temperature of liveliness recedes from
you toes
your feet
your thigh
your torso
your chest
becoming freezingly stiff
nothing romantic

elastic softness doesnt last
gone is the rigid attitude

what is being alive
when one cannot even be sure if there is a soul

you thought your cardios will function forever
what is left is nothing more than an empty facebook account in virtual reality

everything safely secured in a coffin
covered by shroud
behind the horrifying makeup
dancers yet to be sent to the arid, torid ballroom that parches
the fire sizzles
dancers wrestles
breathy aspiration is the music that feeds
the yet still throbbing hearts
in this stuffy cell
mourn are the spectators in the funeral feast
who still buzzes?

靜.夜.思.

靜默
傾瀉於無言一刻

無言
使
毛燃
困惱
困腦
爆炸

突爾
四目相投
彼方有感
但
口齒難言
無言又毛燃
燒
死空氣

想自己的問題
不通
對方的
難猜
便
罷了
解
隨它積
頹勢
累
人

絕望的
洪溝
水牆
令人
窒息的
空氣
再也不是
空氣
洋溢
窘促的份子

如子彈
如利劍
凶悍
凶氣

發洩
無從

胡思
倒可
扭轉乾坤

捻
出新天

homework break Feb 15: 18.07

i just have to say this.
cant believe i still havent said this.

so
im here in the US
i chose US instead of Germany because
i thought that i am still an english major
though a german minor
plus a journalism minor (and i have dropped my intro to journal last semester cause it was as difficult as hell. i should be a movie minor.)
BUT
what i am doing here everyday is
studying german
LOL

true that the german courses here are 100% better than those in CU
but
why didnt i go to germany lei?
LOL
cause
according to my german roommate
Gtown´s language courses are better structured
yes
conquer the grammar and engulf the sea of water of vocabulary and you rule the language (hello i havent drunken enough of english wo...)

and i will go to germany anyway no matter what and when and how and i swear

and georgetown is certainly more expensive than whichever school in germany (monetary considerations...)

anyways

so i am taking a theology class
and a geography/ history class
and a eng lit/ theatre class
and my beliebt german intensive class

gosh. this is just too wonderful.

things are harder
only because you are not used to study them.
you have been spoilt too much specialising on only eng lit

good for you
good for you that you have to learn more about the world
and cultural varieties
so my question about predestination and freewill has been solved hasnt it?
or am i a confused confusian?

step out of your goddamn bubble

puiting, stop bitching and nagging.

i listen to really old songs

i wish i lived in the 1950s 1960s
when i would grow up with songs like
the magical
puff the magic dragon
the gentle
honey
the exhilarating
hey jude
the years of decenter rebellion

thankful that my father brought me into his music world

what has happened to the modern day english (with a broad meaning) song world
the time has been domínated by
explicit sexual pornographic party music
there are some aspects of it that i appreciate
be bold be open
but they are just too alike
they endure no variety
market driven?
or they have shaped the market
and limit audiences taste

friends dont just agree with you on everything
come on
wake up
friends are people who think for the wellness of you
if they disagree with you on something
they have the courage to speak it out
without the fear of offending you
cause they care more about what you are than just your temporary instant feeling

ofcourse they could be wrong
or you are the one whos wrong
no one knows
who can judge

but a judge would be able to see a friends intention of doing you good
and so can he see your quality of being a good friend cause you are not egotistic

you have a real narrow definition of friends if you deny a friendship simply because you hold different views
and you deserve losing a friend for that
this is why and how friends enriches your life and broad your view
come on
be courage to open up to new values and ideas
step out of your comfort zone

confronting insistent and stubborn being
a harsh but rewarding war
war and peace
challenge and comfort
anger and frustrations
life and death
exaggeration and limitations

hell on fire

i sniff the english isle

(In english accent)

im so excited everytime i see london
or is it england as a whole
not necessarily physically there
but in films, in pictures.
holmes house on baker street
piccadily and eros
oh they melt my heart
intensely thrilling

i miss my borough market
i miss my globe theatre
wish that it was in its older form though
thames flows in my vains
windsor there i lie
i still have my one and only cashmere from that picturesque land
refreshing

of course there comes also the way they talk
in addition to their accent
the formality and pretentions
as you see it
mannerism
and/ or manner
fun fact that the royal members insist calling the thing lavatory

was insanely looking up about harrow school
the soaring, sore, grand fee
but boys get to acquire classical knowledge
which school would offer latin and greek language classes?

then there is oxford
the school jenny is getting into
then there is hogwarts
harry studies in
then there is cambridge
the colleges scatter in midst of river
on which people punts and toast champagne
well the latter out of mere imagination
did not have the chace to get in radcliffe library

oh
oh my heart goes with sebastian flyte and aloysius
my soul dispenses in the scent of david goldman (looks like david godamn)

i sniff in english thirst and desperation
burst are my breasts and pneumo cavity

An Education Official Trailer

young girl so tempted by glamourous old man.
smashing.

i would wish david alllll the best.