我的腦袋我的心是乾珊瑚

曾經很滿意自己

而我會對自己說

我是這樣因為

我喜歡自己這樣子

我不是說自己的外貌啦 哈

是性格

是價值觀

我覺得自己持著正確的一套

曾經有滿滿的正能量

朋友喜歡與我相處

找我聊天分享他們的不快

我以積極樂觀感染他們

理所當然積極樂觀

溫室裡的不受過挫折長大的人怎會都不以為世界清新可親

(所以更有unempathetic的不足)

而我曾經不解他們的憂愁何來

覺得

態度決定一切

而今日我變了

投訴這投訴那的

我內在的快樂源要乾了

泡不起

無力亦不願安慰誰

包括自己

就任由惡的兇的狂的隨時山洪暴發

彷彿回到小時候的狀態

情緒不穩性格暴燥又固執

覺得

既然大家都這樣就由他的以暴易暴吧

誰有責任要當好人受害

大家都自顧自的就夠

冷公平

但我不喜歡現在的自己

現在的我

不滿自己不滿世界

怎樣懂得愛和善待身邊的人呢

twisted

逼迫何來

共住壓力鍋

走在一條單程的不歸路上

or perhaps attitude still matters

some partly

at least this mandatory office task of listening to radio program hasnt been a torture

something new to my routine mandate boring life.

grin not for wrinkles and

phew

ka-ching: and i really like not pitching. giving empty counseling

ah

maybe there is some satisfaction from some successful pitches

however usually the cause being:

they have to fill the page or the column

and not really your opinion matter

and so incredibly you name it

flush/

tsau sui

the "leveraged on"

so incredible

it's like

'ah of course we send

if not we cannot charge her'

=.=

the crappy reports

the easy copy and paste the please be updateds

the strategic counseling

advices

where comes nothing but experiences

to manipulate and cheat

the random 3x 9x pr value

bizarre

*and i wanted to be a social worker or the sort

psychiatrist who treats

mind and soul and organic egos

and now i wedge

a swirling pungent culture

Trapeze

and i was obsessed with swinging

there was this park right next to my p school

and there were four swings

the primitive unsafe ones with just a plate of wood

not the diaper type

so we could stand on it when we swang

it started quite easily

u step up and forth and the momentum starts

simple pendulum

so it goes forth and reaction plus gravity drags it back

the way to add altitude and endorphin dopamin rush is to

hold slanted and

i mean to be more slanted than the hanging chains

usually rusted

or at least feels like rusted

and smells sweaty

yuck but anyways you gotta hold it cause you just have to when u stand on the

one-man see-saw playing against gravity of the entire world

can you imagine the might

and you bend at its highest to slide the plate back

at your backest

and forth

at your frontest

so it has excess energy and extra potential to go beyond its previous height

and you just lose the posture
you composure

the grip of your feet

astronautei

(ah i still have the astronaut ice cream right in front of me)

ah what am i talking here

just some exercise to get the

details back

descriptive and minor

and i so need them :]

you know like springy

when you spring

Coldplay - Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall

and i used to so have the vibe

the inspiration

the overwhelming if not unnecessary emotions

and i thought some songs go my moods

and they beat along

and they echo the aches

and a pal said the otherwise

he said songs elicit

solicit

his inner wave

drop onto his lake and cast ripples after ripples

and i thought

so reverse

and now i feel it

like im becoming numb and been too busy to be emotional

senseless if not robotic

these musics so

intense

and i thought i'd rather be a psycho a lunatic

neurotic and insane

than be a person treelike

no

plastic inorganic

so i can't really help if i turn into aspirin

where is some intensity

love hate damn intensity

----

what is the cause

living on too much art

too much music too much books

too much fiction and fake intensity

artificial ride on roller coaster

what is it some vaccine

to get us prepared for real horrid journeys

i know not and i

perhaps

fear not or fear yes

and i feel not and i think not so i stop here cause i know not what i wanna say

at some high craptitude

Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat - Lucky (Video)

wo ist mein best Freund.

let me be forgotten

i loathe not treading up
like an Equus with papery loads
wax and pungency

alas when
mannerism drags
customs prevail over being alright
and tantrums like bullets
i contempt

behold it meteor shower
shot dead

the bws
the sculptured homonyms
marble rocks steadfast wannabes

why the space
why the effort
why the obnoxiousness

and the air
so contaminated

lass' mich vergessen sein
ich kuemmere mich nicht daran

scattered by a non-agent
by not even air
not even nothing

why the little debris

*i need not a burial ground
nor ceremony
nor visits

lass' mich verschwunden sein
bitte