Flatteries

Two bosses offered me job opps today.
Am really flattered.
One barely knows me, jess.
The other knows me more, but more on the personal not work level, ant.
The trust and faith they show can get me teared up.

But am juggling too many balls maybe.
I want to deliver quality work for the tasks I have for now.
But venturing into new territories hot darn tempting.

Oh the other flattering thing.
Ant lists me as a recommendation for some development program.
I would so so love it. Really.
I hope the rest concurs.
Ofcourse I see why it's uneasy for him to do it, for me not his lengs.
Hahaha I do wish to be his leng.
Heart.
I hope whom am leng of carries me to the baton like ant does (allusion to obama speaking endorsing hilary at dnc)

About hump. Woah that's not very welcoming response when jess jokingly or not invited me to apply

Teammates are so important. Utter utter importance.

窮則獨善其身,達則兼濟天下

it would be selfish had one have the privileges and let them go to waste
they should be used to the fullest
and still stretched and ultra maximized
so much that it deforms and shrinks and breaks

with great power comes great responsibilities

resilience needs be proved, used and consumed


life is good but good is shit
it's numbing

it's annoying that im enjoying it and i feel i shouldnt be
not comfy

i don't know what to feel and how to think

perhaps i want to be torn and tortured
as if only so then i squeeze my brain hard enough
as if only then my existence comes to be
then i exist for myself
not work not others

i want to focus on myself but now am not

i guess am not that interested in others as in others in the society

i am not sure

《我得不到的男人們》

我在想像寫本小說，名為《我得不到的男人們》。

我得不到的男人們有很多，且各有出色。

近期有兩位上司，一位我完全理解為何吸引我，另一位我感覺本身吸引很多人，但他兩都令我自我感覺與別不同。

第一位如某同事所言，親和力滿瀉，即使是裝出來的也裝得太好，當然其實也不用深究是假扮還是真心，反正真中有假假中有真，更大部分人是裝都懶，更不濟。加上極度能幹又有前瞻性。所以即使有兒如我般長我都仰慕非常。不過於我而言，「仰慕」與「想得到」可能有別。LOL。我估計我是想得到他的賞識及指導吧。

另一位非直屬上司，相對年輕，而外表更比實際年齡少上好幾上十年，同樣令人感覺親切。噢，而給予我的距離感比上一位少很多。我有時可以裝模作樣就走進他的房間東拉西扯，又可以午餐約會討論社會、世界，以致不同價值觀。在香港，他是暫時唯一一個我覺得知理知性，可以熱烈認真討論（接近任何東西）的人。當然湊巧幸運，我們碰上了然後碾轉偶然成了「(偽)飯腳」。人事有多奧妙。

另外得不到的男人…

法國人應該會谷歌翻譯，所以恕不多聊。LOL。基本上他極度真摯真誠，對親近的朋友心裡的情感要挖得一乾二淨，實在很窩心、很可愛。我是被感動，兼被引誘了。當然是雙向的。不過如果我們走在一起，估該爭吵會不少。

可惜我已經忘記很多過去幾近沸點的原因與情節。大既就是我們在對方都有些煩氣位，而耐性欠缺。

非洲人。唉。我猜性情也大不同，不過我曾經以為他的滿有耐性互補了我（的急燥），而我也正在努力要變得更有智慧與胸襟、空間去接收他的有依據的意見。他的學識極誘人，不過從而執己見的態度令人難受。

到底是得不到。不過經歷也使我很慶幸。