唔受

i don't take compliments well
i don't know if it's an asian thing or, well, at least it has to be about the upbringing doesn't it?

my parents didn't give out a lot of compliments when i was a kid
maybe most people in this culture don't

i mean, sometimes i received compliments, but they were earned
which i would appreciate and still not know how to respond really

and over years i have only become more critical to myself
so why do you give me compliments for my work am not satisfied with

i mean, sometimes i let loose but when am loose i even more so loathe undeserving compliments
unearned compliments are either disgusting or puzzling to me, probably mostly disgusting than puzzling
because they come from nowhere and only seem insincere
'what is your agenda?' i really doubt your intention
or when am tired i bin it. dismissed

reference: https://www.quora.com/How-should-I-respond-to-a-fake-insincere-compliment-for-the-purpose-of-making-fun

he probably had no bad intention really
illy-pulled joke, or at least wrongly-targeted
sexist with a surface of harmlessness
he sometimes pulled self-deprecation
and i never found it a bit funny
or sometimes i found it funny i thought about it afterwards and found myself shabby enjoying petty jokes. regret

surprises me how others enjoy it, even so many of them
wasted energy better unspent. negative value

so many more meaningful things to think about more smarter jokes to make

introvert logicians

david is an introvert
and it's nice to hang out with an introvert
introvert-to-introvert talk is a talk that involves no small talk

so today, we talked about life, values, and perspectives

i learnt about malcolm gladwell's partial narrative about julie gillard
i first heard about the lousiana purchase (shocking ignorance damn!)
i gained an appreciation of the united states which i thought i had lost over the past two, three years
i tried to understand how it's possible to be progressive in values and conservative in actions at the same time - maybe john stands with david on this
- i verified his opinion on feminism and affirmative action
we talked about our our relationship with our parents and family interactions (jelly me)
we talked about the educations we had and how they were odd and funny
we recounted how grateful we are for the gtown experience (needed the distance from home to think)
we shared our affection for new experiences and loathing for, can i say - being imprisoned by the sense of insecurity
and he says he has such a spectrum of friends that he is open to changing his opinions over time with enough information

provocation and controversies are great when one has an open mind

good friendships live after seven years - and we weren't even that close back then
life makes turns and twists in surprising ways



relevantly or not, a few days back, i felt -

"It's not nice to play nice

It's not right when you disagree with something and you choose to mute

That's free riding on the courageous and the doers

It's not fair, and unfairness makes crime

I don't like confrontations but I stand up to arguments, because they are very different things

Arguments may lead to confrontations but they may not too

Even with the most pessimism that arguments maybe unsprouted confrontations, arguments itself is about containment of emotions and strive for ration

Arguments along rations to find truth, one is prepared to be argued down and humbly learn and transcend 

One has to curb their ego when they choose the arguing path"

he mentioned his being accused of lack of empathy and compassion, and that's me too...

is 'close-minded logician' an oxymoron?