yea i suppose this (blogging this) will help me.
do i need this note to be seen and read by someone?
i guess unless i want to solicit feedback there's no point for me to publish this in 'medium' type of open?
yea this space is fine for now.
but i do know that i need to write to organise my thoughts.
unorganised writing kind of journalling will do.
and lucky me my sista and some friends have been helping me organise and prioritise :-) they are my f inspiration and source of strength.
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so... i have a lot going on
1. after two months of working part time i am back in London in late Sep.
2. it was not easy resuming full time. IT WAS SO NICE WORKING JUST 3 DAYS A WEEK. FIRST TIME EVER IN MY WORKLIFE
3. i was staying in this middle of nowhere room in Uxbridge and i wasn't comfortable
4. and then i made my way back to my good old pub convert and i was busy flat hunting for me and my two dancer-flatmate-to-be friends. i think i saw 4-5 places irl and 30-40 online. yea i think it's good that we made a decision so that i could stop looking further. it was tiring. 2-3 weeks of intense flat hunting worn me out.
5. and then... i was attempting to sort out this me getting 'underpaid' thing. so i am underpaid for the rank that i am in. but i also know that i haven't been super great at my current role. and objectively speaking i guess i am not being underpaid?... but it's very confusing anyways.
6. i think the having been approached by this headhunter thing kind of prompted it. but to be fair my comp hasn't done a great job being consistent and handling it in a smart way. my line manager thought i was a junior... we also started skill mapping and never completed it...
7. anyway. she is great in some pretty important ways, but she's not perfect. so am i. so is everyone.
8. so i am looking to shape my role more. i need to believe that this can happen. and i said that it would give me the most satisfaction could i shape my role in my current workplace (rather than escaping to somewhere else and in a way further delay my own entrepreneurship plan) - and i need to believe in what i said!
9. it seems a bit like a confidence issue that i am suffering me feeling shit about how not good i am at my current role - but after talking to nihao and jenny i know that it's not really confidence issue that i have. it's more like 'me not in love with my role so i can't (read: don't want to) do it properly' issue. me want no job that doesn't fulfil me... yea am anal like that
10. yea i guess they can lay me off but i think losing me would be them missing out too... this is what i truly believe in and hell yea i am confident like this
11. i just want to make a mutually beneficial case ! use me, but use me in ways that i like to be used !
12. and i need to stop being lazy so i can stop this unfulfillment suffering !
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13. so i put down my life plan for the coming 5-6 years (oh yes this can change of course probably definitely will change but still)
- coming 6-12 months: reform my role and become kicking-ass good
- coming 6-12 months: (hopefully with a pay rise; but maybe even without i would still) work only 3-4 days a week
- in about 6-12 months' time: develop a futures thinking curriculum that's suited for the hong kong context. with cases. have a pitch deck
- maybe. maybe i would go back to hong kong and live there for a year or two. maybe from autumn / winter 2021 to 2023-24.
or maybe i won't if it becomes too unliveable.
- maybe in 3-4 years' time i would go back to studying, part time or full time. something related to futures thinking (will i be up for doing quan stuff?) or ethnographic research
- in my head i want to become, in 6-8 years' time, a futurist + a writer who captures the hk zeitgeist in words - an ethnographic way.
- these two things complement each other. because being a futurist is to be able to detect trends and signals and pulse. this is about talking with all sorts of people.
would be so amazing if this can happen.
