Feeling many big feelings

It feels a bit overwhelming, just tad bit. The rim still holding the water. Actually it's also alrighty and good, even if it brims.

It's really okay  :)

That I am not that

- generous

- friendly

- gentle

- kind

Because rather, I am a balance.

They are balances too, balancing different traits and qualities. Each of us has our own unique-ish balancing act to do. There's a course with good enough freedom; the starting point is, determined?

I thought he was near perfect. And he is. And he's not. And it's wonderful enough. So is he, and she, and she, and he, and I. And he, and she, and she, and he, and us.

Forgiveness

For self and others. 

We do us. As long as we continue to reflect and course -adjust (rather than -correct)

I am feeling so many big feelings.

**

Don't compare. You are well. I am already perfect, and perfectly intact. 

Do me, be me. And glow and gleam 

Melbourne

Note to self: be a calm and selective enterprise

Unfortunately, my headspace / capacity is really limited, and my heart nicely narrow. I am sure I am almost on the neurodiversity spectrum, or near it - indeed proudly so. It'd be liberating to know. I hope I become more unapologetically me. Good lord.

Where do I get diagnosed?

I, just can't engage with low quality, 塘水塘魚 content and contact anymore. It drains me, so much. Washing bits. Even more so than straightforwardly corporate things.

I deal with 真小人 way better than 偽君子. The former needs an education, the latter unmasking before unlearning.

I'd very happily work with the genuinely progressive - I'd learn so much from them.

I'd be happy to support those looking for guidance or a hand to be lifted - I'd learn so much from the experience.

But I am not that interested playing the surface game, mixing with the washers and do-good monetisers. They are a bit toxic, hugely distracting. Noise.

***

What about the inbetweens?

There are the diplomatics, who are so all rounded. Who are quite genius. 

Unfortunately I am not their calibre, at least not yet. My limited head and heart space doesn't allow me to do like they do, getting to heavy lift the real deal meanwhile still social butterfly here and there, high and low, good and bad.

(I want to be able to call bad bad…

It's the liberation I need, to not bash myself for not being all inclusive and al appreciative and all growth mindset.

It's called critical thinking)

Practise:

"I disagree, because…  I would… my points of consideration, in descending order, are:… "

I can, in front of the washers and monetisers:

Just flirt. Be understanding (of the situation). But not over invest my judgement and energy. It's ok to not capitalise on their network and fame.

Because there are other pockets of genuinely good too, and those you do better with, those you are more comfortable with 

Be a crystal, a calm body of strong and fluid water. 

Don't envy the glitter glue. Don't want the contamination disguised as helpful mixing

Do your thing. Select your cast