2025

A year of strength, a year of weakness, a year of wakening, a year of coming to peace with being.

A kind note to end, it'd be this.

Jan to June felt like spring and summer. A lot of activities. Too much probably. Or was it inevitable. "Good trajectory," I kept saying. It might still is - but now I am less sure that's what I want. I suppose I don't mind the build up - but that's not how I want it to last. 

I was good at creating things. Or at least I was decent at it. Less good at looking senior, according to my imagination. I guess I can only be senior and senior-looking my way. Or maybe I don't want to be senior. I don't want to care to be senior.

I want to be curious again, and open. Not result-oriented. I want to enjoy the ride.

I would love to be comfortable with myself. That it's ok to be not good at certain things - not yet good or maybe never good, but good at the flip side and other sides. 

- oh well am less sensitive with humans - then let me work with those who are better, and i can continue to care and be good at fairness, equity, inclusiveness. Maybe I shouldn't be short of both sides instead of being much longer at one. 

It's ok to not love networking. But I could enjoy meeting new interesting other awkward less loud minds at thematic events. I will forgive myself at being not best at messaging. I rather expose myself to interesting things and share them with those I believe may enjoy them as much as I do.

Be at ease. Live in the moment more. There's no destination, just scenery and company. Let's see what life brings me. And believe that things do fall into place. 

It's perfectly fine to make mistakes too. You hold high enough standards. People don't really care. Only you do. Forgive yourself more.

Live more. Love more. 

Go back to listening more too.

Maybe think less 😂 

Europe 2025 July - friends for self discovery

Eva is slow-burn.

Her steadiness does not stand out like craziness does in groups. Stick around for ten years, you'd know it's, in a way, precious. 

Steadfast in doing good (under her circumstances). Host like mums do. All giving. Not only "pleasantness". You could disagree. She has her principles.

A bit too nice, and having her boundaries crossed, a bit. 

Like Asians (lol), she's reserved. Maybe Asians are known for preserverance and crazy hosting. Old fashioned.

***

Guillaume asked about me travelling a lot, "to see friends? So you a people person?"

Pushed me to reason… more like "I prefer my European friends, cause they come from this soil of culture of openness, overall calm, maturity - and ability to be themselves - that I don't easily find in Hong Kong. 

Hong Kong is suppressive. Those of us who are strong inside do ok, and experts who come from the western soil and upbringing. But damn, it's really hard when am from here, to resist, to be.

That's why "becoming".

***

So what am I? What am I to become? 

- Free. Liberated. Free of others' judgement, which is to be realised by me not minding, not caring about others' judgement, and pursue, through experimentation, what interests and fulfils me eg create (drama, script, book)

- Doesn't always have to be calm but most of the time would be good. 

- Balance. Brain + hand / body + skin. People.

* history + art (draw, theatre) + dance would be really nice *

My two months of over commitment and suboptimal delivery

i don't think i had this. 

first time?

how did i even get myself in this?

the course that i wasn't ready to do - perhaps could have pulled it had i had more space. but i didn't think of the cons of doing it. decisional balance. guess it felt / looked shiny and i was lured.

true tho.. worst is struggle and low quality. already worst. still bearable.

the booth that i thought brought no value. it was reconnecting with mum and pop. it was forced resting (and exhausting) a bit and leaning on friends a bit.

Tiff said it well. was homecoming feely. i got this chance to improvise my booth. it was cringe worthy, and it wasn't. it was alright, alright was ok. i had my lesson. i had my blessing. chill man. you could fail. it barely qualified. it's even ok to go through exhaustion. now you know. recovery possible. not yet a trauma I guess, I choose to believe.

maybe the lesson has been: 

- social support

- and discerning better what i want and what i don't

- be smarter how i choose

- learn from past experiences, mistakes or not

- inevitable or not, in the past now 

what's ahead? 

The best type of relationship

Is

when you feel at ease enough with the other person, so you could let loose, you could show vulnerability, be flawed, be imperfect 

… it's comforting to be able to, just be - as much as possible, reasonably so, sufficiently.

And meanwhile,

you still love and respect the other person so much you don't overburden them. You seek help where they could give.

… it's always two ways, we do to other what we'd like done to us. We respect others so we respect ourselves; we expect to be respected by the counterparts. Treated with reasonability and kindness too, and love. 

And if you need more than one person source of support, you spread your request and seeking. 

… so it's sustainable to us all.

Takes a village. Takes a community.

Took me how long to come to terms with me is awesome

No jokes 

Was a rough ride, not rough rough but bumpy

So blessed

How blessed

What did I do in my last life?

Family love friends work health

Check check check check check

I could invest more in health but hell yea am in such a good place am sure my hormones are doing me good

Past lives, karma? 

And, I didn't even dare admitting it, fearing that I would jinx it. Or am not where I could say I was. "Am I that good? Of course there are better ones."

Yes, but I am not in competition with anyone.

And, even objectively speaking, am really damn good. I have seen good. And people I admire validate that I am good. Damn

Vibrationing

Shining

Thriving

Manifesting

It's a glorious virtuous circle

So much good energy

I am pretty good

I am confident

I can be confident

I am allowed to be confident - by no one else but myself

Allowance, not needed.

I am not arrogant. This is not arrogance, just CORE CONFIDENCE

Which is what I knew was the good stuff and the right, wholesome way 💕