realisation at 4 in the morning

entschuldigung, tsui tsui, ich habe Spanien aufgegeben. Ich finde Journalismus besser =)


hello! Heute ist Mittwoch, 3. 9. 08

it's been 5 days
and i still live in heidelberg

it's been 5 days
and i still suffer from insomnia
a piece of my heart has broken away and has flown to the paradise
my brain is still at all times underpowered
cannot function well due to the extended problem of jetlag

so i sleep at 4 and 2 and 4 and 3 in the morning
abnormally and unusually early in the morning

last night i was talking with my sister my ambitious plan
german and spanish
the former i have already set and am running on the track
from scrap, 4 month's time

the latter i tried and halted and retried
unwilling to give up
had once been so and too confident
fear to make it the duplicate of my piano dream

but i am incapable
so withdrawn during the spanish lesson
with german words and grammar and deutschen und alles
exhibiting, displaying, like jumping and exploding fireworks, in my mind

christ, how
jesus, wie

so that was the time when whoever
suggested the otherwise
lit my hidden intention to quit
i "spit the rice"
"well, you are right" acting and suppressing my excitment and eagerness
worries fading out
excuses become too proper and appropriate, politically correct reasons
"well, i quit"

i have the confidence of passing my 4th language course
but i dont feel like acquiring my 4th language

4 in the morning
brain at sleep mode
subconsciousness lead
i let my heart lead my head

i wish i have made the right decision
adios