if i have the medicine the priest has given juliet
i would have courageously swallowed it
for i am really curious about my own funeral
being unsure of my religion
i think my parents may put it in the traditional chinese tao style
with the yellow cloaked people murmuring something no one actually understands
they will be playing merry-go-round round the ash pit or my coffin
the funniest part is when they cry out something like
dragon, cock and tiger
turn your back to avoid misfortune
the incense will burn
the smoke will fill the room
people choke and sneeze and cough and weep
tissue passing
and the paper gold paper maid paper mobile paper house paper bridge paper mahjong paper
paper whatever i will not need
do not aggravate global warming
why don't every of you write me a letter and send me by burning
it this is the way the post office of my future world works
a few words will be sufficient
i look for the only word --"love"
ha - to lessen environmental problem
now send an email is perfect
people coming in and bow
or pray
i wish you are not scared to enter the tiny room behind chinese altar
in which i may be tranquilly lying on the freezing cold marble or glass or what stage
with terribly heavy makeup put on
eyes shut
i wish i have been eyelined by someone i love
dare not to think a stranger violently painting me
do any of you kind enough to put the make up on for me
as if i am alive and you helping me look good in a ball or a party?
eye lining, the skill i dont think i will acquire when i am alive
and
nude face will be very enough to cover the deadly white
i wish i will be in a long gown no skirt or short pants a long plain gown is best no extravagent floral or polka or stripe or check please
or if it's gonna be held in a small chapel
with candles all around
unsteadily blown by flowing air by everybody's heavy breaths
lit but not bright
the comfortable and sad light
unlike the too strong the flash the lighning the scare and blinding burst
responding to people's unsteady and saddened heart
people in white are slipping skating like angels and ghosts
hymns sung but unheard
crux hung but unnoticed
hung is my black and white picture
to be looked at
to be sighed at
for your rememberance
i wish you remember
the place being solemn and sad
maybe a few giggles may leak out when people talk about my dumbness at times
how bold and bold in an unspeakable way i have been
who will be visiting?
i want everybody who is or was my friend
everyone i love and loved
and every one who love and loved me
yes
including past friends and lovers
please do come
cause it's never my wish to end the flow of love
the villain is time
the Wongs and Lis
and mates and teachers from cwk, pyc and cuhk
yes teachers too
if you have ever cared to help me the dumb and stubborn head
the arrogant and self-centred kid
i won't admit these till the day i die i wish
oh
how i want to have the clever medicine
to fake death and play the biggest joke ever
forgive me if one day i trick everyone
please do forgive me
it's only because i want to know how i am loved
it's only because i am feeling all alone and wants to make you aware of my existence
i need to be recognised and treasured and loved
so do you dont you dont every creature on planet earth
grave and cemetry and tomb and tombstone and so on symbolizing death
and bringing forth the idea of life
make people be aware of their lives
make people reflect and count their lives
make people awake and be conscious of living
i will be playing juliet
and romeo will be tragically dying for juliet has killed the spiritual him by faking death will he?
to live for and to be lived for
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