sentimentality

i thought i was rational
i thought i kept holding back my emotion
lest it flooded and made me as dumb
as insensible
as impossible
as implausible
as common
as inefficient
as stupid

was cold
was steel
was ice
was iceberg yet to be drilled

it bled

but i was wrong
i was like holding up just this fake label
trying to steer myself

and i was not quite so

i was sentimental

just suffered from days of low mood
and sadness from nowhere
was like haunted
by a mysterious force i found strange
found stray

perhaps it just came home

the return
the exhausting reunion

the perspiring spirit
sweated and roared

i died each time and i thought i resurrected
but i was still the old me

and i was sentimental
surpassing all others

low tide comes and goes
regardless
it's natural.

hauled

dear
i felt that you have put me in your heart
and for that my tears would flow
for that simple reason
my soul floods with tears and dews

i torn the papers up
flung them in mid air
they floated like petals
they flew like ashes
covered in soil
covered in memorial

would you remember me?

a poem of unity

wake up in the morning
saw your twittering eyelids
then on i cooked breakfast
for you and for me
jiaozi
we went out
for a relaxed wander
we talked of this and that
margaret and william
samuel and john
oh how i loved them
oh how i loved to hear them from you
how you pardoned my silly chatty
one morning was not enough of course
but we saved if for immensity
time and thoughts
arriving at the park
we sat down
you sketched
i watched you sketched
i sketched
you furbished my picture
you held the board
i held the pens
felt better than taking pictures
we both loved drawing trees
we watched as we drew
we meditated while we composed
you gave a line
i gave another
alternately we merged
not quite what i wanted
neither was yours
we wrote separately
a silent reclination of one and two
reclined and thought
a retreat
only brought together again as we found two poems of the same idea
the two of us together
we treaded home
could not help singing along the way
singing out poem aloud
to have fun
to enjoy
to infect
arriving at home i wanted to read
holding a book you had written
an adaptation of william
the play you had written
a winter's tale in summer
you put on the dvd
shown on the big screen a play out of your play
you made it into a movie
i directed it
i heard your voice
ready to melt into a splash of water
splashing excitment
tired and wanted to sleep
waken by your song
not sung but played
you were sitting playing the Klavier
the whatever song i knew not knew only to be brought away by the musical notes
my thought flew with yours to the clouds miles away
felt like in heaven if not a drama if not the utopia if not eden if not a world of us twindled
what an imagery
too unreal indeed surreal though it was real
you were play that
while my eye could not help fixed on your posture
i loved watching you
just sit
i love watching you
just you
on top of the Klavier the ballet dancer danced
sculptur of edgar degas
not the real one for sure
but we made in in last summer
together by woods by strings by paints by hand
by love
our present our future
the child held and gripped in her hand
i slept in your arms again
the wool knit was warm
your body smelled of fresh sweat
patted to wake
now i was energised to go star gazing
we went to uc lawn
lights were off especially for us
oh
i remembed seeing these trees
tall or short
bald on top
oh i remembered seeing you ran
seeing you drew
watching you did whatever
that absorbed me
you absorb me
you occupy me
star shone and shotted
flew over and we were embracing in tears
and i read for us a poem of unity

2 short songs

The grand the great

keep away from silly accidents that may harm you in any way
your skull may not be as hard as i thought a skull should be
your knuckles and knees your elbows your ankles may twist in any surprising way that no one ever pictures
your bones, as fragile, readily breakable once bombarded by anything, hard of softness
spine, if bent, pains you of the level you cannot withstand im sure
by then you will say you are ready to die
or that you indeed prefer dying to living
or that you have already been granted extra years
bullshit
who decides
just go on live your life

remember me and live your wish
remember to eat
remember to pause and nap

Favourite destination

i thought i hated you
you are as extravagant as arrogant as impossible as possible
you are difficult to conquer that your conquerors die of conquering you
the women that live in you perhaps
the comfort you let they indulge too hard too bad
dirty roads filthy streets beggars not on avenues
they are artists artistic shops and stores
stalls for the common shops for the rich
the gold finger you possess turn bad things into gold the thing you uphold
attitude
the liberty of people to live the way they want
the air of freedom i forcefully and painfully inhaled
and i fainted
it was like chloroform
the fragrance
your symbol
the arcs
your triumph
the tower
your trophy of ace
the best museums
the display room of your concrete talent
not boastful you then can claim

i thought i liked your foe
just then i found the inadequacies of that gent'
always have personalised him as a noble you as a whore
well, not quite so any more
he still as a kind, but not as charming as i thought he could be
you are still alluring, not in too bad a way that i would resist
why dont the two of you unite?

you have you wits, p of france

well i like a place when i have good companions to travel with.
so last time i found a new face of p.

meeting fluffy

the horse raced throught the forest as usual
it expected to see nothing special nothing interesting
it said to itself, another day of boredom and rountine
it ran really fast
perhaps there were interesting things to see
just that it has been running too fast that it could not have noticed anything at all
the sunshine, the shadow, the sweet grass, the broad leaf
what once interested the horse now seemed nothing to it

at times it got tired and needed water
it went to the river and bowed to drink
at such moments of its slowing down it reflected, a bit
it thought of its peers
it saw in its mind their smiley faces
couldnt quite make out what would make them happy
nothing worth my leap at heart, it thought to itself
instead of a leap at heart, it lifted its head, wanting to show a face of complexion
well still it wanted to look cool

while it was slowly raising its head turning its neck
it glimsed a white thing right opposite to the river
is it a cloud? it asked itself
it was a white fluffy thing
it is a cloud, it asserted
or is it marsh mellow, or cotton, or...well it was not so assertive though

suddenly it saw the fluffy thing move
from afar toward the river, coming closer to the horse
stopped again, become again a steady fluffy UFO by the river
hey, the horse shouted, not sure it the thing had ears, or would understand a horse's language
HEY, it shouted again, more strenuously though of similar loudness
the fluffy thing shook, and the hope white thing become a bit taller
oh
so it was a sheep
the horse thought that it was stupid of him to have wasted so much time on a lower sheep and went away

on the way to the wherever destination, it walked
highlighted was its slow pace
it could not run
why couldnt i run, it asked itself, not expecting an answer
its mind was occupied
but the white fluffy sheep ofcourse
the sheep had become a marshmellow, which sweetness and softness had melted the horse
it was animal's love at first sight
and the horse still could not comprehend this feeling yet
well, or perhaps it was reluctant to admit
its being so human so fragile so easily impressed
by just the looking of a thing
it said that it was superficial

but it was true love indeed
it just did not know it yet at the moment
horse was so immerged in his own puzzlement, or dream that
it did not hear the footsteps from behind
bump!
an accident occured
the two animals crashed but horse did not get hurt
the thing it crashed with was too soft too protective
it was the fluffy cotton marshmellow sheep
the sheep bled though
staining the wool bright bloody red
the colour of roses
the colour of fire
from the colour of the blood the horse knoew that the sheep was very healthy
it flowed the rosy blood not stale or blood of deep red
well oxygenated
the horse thought to itself, still not smart enough to take care of the sheep yet
the read sheep was mourning
horse heard its cry and licked the wool
yuck
it did not feel like sugary marshmellow at all
but stuffing cotton into one's mouth
difficult and made it want to throw up
it coughed

it wanted to treat sheep another way but it could not quite thought of another way
when it maintained its shape as a horse
so it ran away
to the telebox and BLINK!
turned into a human

running back to the venue of accident it thought of all the possibility of how sheep would view it
it did not know that it had overthought
cause fluffy had already gone by the time it arrived
the man was dissappointed

the man thought that sheep could only recognise it when it was in the form of a horse so it walked back to the telebox and turned itself back
it hoped that it will meet the sheep again tomorrow
perhaps by the river
it hoped that the sheep had treated itself well
no infection of wounds, had not twisted its angles its knees its knuckles its neck or whatever
it knew that it was forceful and strong
perhaps rude

(to be continued)

flare and fair of books

when i tell you that i've finished a book
bother not saying that i read fast or oh how ging i am
i'll never know how to respond the way you want
grab and read the book
challenge what i think about the book

when i get you a book as a gift
dont say that you dont read you wont read you dont have the time to
i dont mind you spending one whole month reading just a page
just start it
when you hate it, drop it
so at least you've tried

when i buy many books at a time
dont say that i wont have the time for them
i do read the books i buy
i count my money every time i spend on books so i treasure them a lot
get to the books on your shelf
view them if not read them

when i buy books of themes you dont like
dont worry that im going against you way
i have never agreed to go your way
i have to know different ways in order to build my own
imprison yourself if you find the cell a cozier place than this dimensional real world

bold but silent books but timid but noisy people
shut up
zip up

the irony of extravagant consumption

Miss the time when I divide the screen and type while doing research
I was so into it
Love being hundred and ten percent concentrative into something
Even if it’s difficult
Even if I have no clue of what to do
Even if I risk scoring low
I work

Now feel like doing nothing wasting time
Know nowhere to position myself
Consumed by nothingness
The most brutal exhaustion

Dizzy
Dirty
Filthy
Disgusting

Getting lost in time
In holiday while I have no concept of time.

And im leaving so soon
Give me up