orwell

done with animal farm
the fairy tale the allegorical truth
hm
less dark than 198X
which is an illustration closer to reality
i still remember how my heart throbbed when i read that unspeakable

but it hurts tremendously
to imagine animals being like
humans

not essentially evil but
selfish
truly selfish
which is a form a evilness?

oh
dont i know from the beginning that humans are animals too?


it also makes me think about the
fancy
monarchs that still exist
they lose their glamour to me

and
governing bodies?

hm
order
organisation
essential

what are democracy and equality?
ideals too ideal
to be realised

tensely strained

°have not an answer to
whether people who do the organising need more
for brain power
high wage to breed honesty and incorruption?
why are we innately selfish and corrupted
do all people misbehave and fool if education and civilisation never exist?
and i have always disliked
civilisation
when it means ripping off nature. sort of.
when it means human civilisation. but not a civilisation for all
creatures and non creatures

a teacher from my f.3 chin history class once said
humans are born evil: xun zi
we cry from day one
need to be tamed
in ruthless ways
through exploitation and learn manipulation
original sin. fulness? -> alright getting a bit far now

from its wikipedia page it says
napoleon is the USSR stalin
snow ball trotsky plus lenin
squealer molotov
frederick adolf hitler

it hurts further

...
i wish i were a tree. a cypress or a pine.