machinery

like i throw myself into not thinking
or maybe i fling myself to non thinking with
constant motion
thoughtless and automated
winded and mechanic
reflex of the rubber band
pretty predictable

like i knew it coming
needs no preparation and no preemption ever worries anybody body parts automated
pre-programmed like
destined robotic

let's go to bed and sleep
put the machine to good rest

hey hey the way i was spun around wheels on feet my third wheel

ring ring the phone dizzying

***
and
at times i have to feel your existence
just to know you are well alive
and there
living being well
i mean
as tho
who can't live without another
no one like
me all too strong to be brittle
well trained by swirlies of the time

it's all landing we have to stop pretending
and i never pretend i just be
strong as i wished i have been
are we
don't speak

i know what you're saying like
i don't have the right
and i don't
so I'm so behaving myself
hush hush
don't tell and let it go ticking tocking

yes it's good enough
last time took 1.5 years, this like 2 months. i just have to stop missing the feeling contention and feigning optimism.

idealist for the deserving pursuits

賽後檢討

我跳得太急了 太快了
推得太盡了 太不顧一切了
太嚮往粉身碎骨了 或太樂觀以為會生還 (竟然!)

看不穿世界的定律 習慣的循環

太稚嫩了 不懂得享受慢的滋味 蘊釀的過程需時發酵 瞎了眼
不欣賞經營

天作之合呢 (?!)

前天與摯友讀論語(哈哈!) 學會了先後天平衡的重要 推倒了小時侯覺得所有都是走出來的的信念 也打破了長大後走了另一極端信奉自然的守則

呀 想不下去要休息了 抽不到身就靜止順流一下

有伴思伴想伴讀伴吵的還幸福 :)

過去的一了很好 (!)

rambunctious granny (argh lol)

ravishment amidst mellowness baffling unbearable naughtiness coying temperaments. imitation of undefeated spirits...
grave rambunctiousness awe nullifying nightmares yearlong...

art and sanity

i have this lineup of 10 best friends who helped me walk pass the valley. see through silly miseries.
grateful indeed :) those whom i talk to after 8, you are the one-ofs come let me huggggg

and today i attended this creative workshop, bean reaffirming us that being creative and being insane are just two sides of the same coin lol sob sob
it noted schizophrenic and bipolar to be exact...

say what... byron... beethoven... van gogh

the divine joke: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_with_bipolar_disorder#section_24

reminds me of madness and civilization

why are great people always sad and depressed and short lived ay. i dont really need a long life too but made me a good worthy one.

honorrr

they say you are venomous, can you believe!!?
thrilling indeed
exciting
almost intoxicating
with all the praises sang
just a bit
underarticulated
which should be valued
if not how
at all would you have become what you are
articulation is bad and unnatural
my contempt of cynicism
how cool hahahaha
and you outstand and establish your own band and
not care about the undeserved
you should be proud
you deserve one universe of your own
if you don't mind living out of others
or some suiting worlds await

living on one's own planet the little prince

pluck your own petal tend your own pot flower
with levelled mentality it can be grandiose too.
missed disconnected.

×××

they say you are a play, can you believe!!?
who's not over the top when they are in love!!?
that's when people are so delighted they forget about moderation
the boring moderation that should be despised
the dopamine and adrenaline rush
and we were in love weren't we
you lived just what i wished i could
the true to yourself and
yes i didn't want to make it
it should be the lock and key by nature and why the effort to make the wearing and breaking and iking the screeching the irritating
stooooooooopped
and there comes the extreme up and down and mild and balanced the whatever that's part of the package i purchased, like the ku ting tea
quite a thorough experience
go live it and if that one of your date is the one you really should place a second attempt
if you don't mind me taking the credit i'd be so proud to be a part to help you arrive at you realization.

×××

they fan
subtly
me to go after you
and i can't afford to lose us lol
and
nature has not and may not ever call
and im happily glaring from afar
just appreciative
reciprocal
contend at out dumbs at oops.

klein

quinn and huck have to find a family to watch. its as if their lives are so bits and pieces they need an external something to hold themselves in place, to observe to reassure themselves that life can be normal too, even not theirs but someone else's. some sad tranquilizer. is it effective? maybe i need something to watch too.

but just seriously, every door has their own story. every person lives their own drama. it might be less of a roller coaster but there has to be ups and downs too, and your mild ups can be my deafening crescendo. i might be a brittle bottle that doesn't fit to contain your eroding liquid.

and my succumbing to my insensibility might as well kill myself, and that's a clear no.

so

the awaited and needed good news knocked. phew.

and see? im talking to new people, people of the arts and creative. so, just stretch your experience, expand your life further, so so darn much uninvestigated area, yearning for my exploration.

and im reaching out let it vent when i needed to talk and, there are accepting ears, opposing tongues, voices that, if you are soft enough to listen to, be beneficial to you, not in a way that they are the one solution right offered laid out clear to you zero effort but they stimulate, so you are made to think and come up with alternatives, and there indeed are always route B, or at least like a temporal-factor contained route A

or you may just look at people around and play vicarious, to empty yourself and pour in some new somebody, whether you know them or not there can be a little or more proportion of theirs you find ah so different, and you wonder what their lives are, what their possibly bigger problems are, whether in the present or in the past, how big they are that they have ruled over those and become what they are.

klein.

just
why am i so romantic
and modernistic
at the same time.

splitting schizophrenia
craving hysteria