machinery

like i throw myself into not thinking
or maybe i fling myself to non thinking with
constant motion
thoughtless and automated
winded and mechanic
reflex of the rubber band
pretty predictable

like i knew it coming
needs no preparation and no preemption ever worries anybody body parts automated
pre-programmed like
destined robotic

let's go to bed and sleep
put the machine to good rest

hey hey the way i was spun around wheels on feet my third wheel

ring ring the phone dizzying

***
and
at times i have to feel your existence
just to know you are well alive
and there
living being well
i mean
as tho
who can't live without another
no one like
me all too strong to be brittle
well trained by swirlies of the time

it's all landing we have to stop pretending
and i never pretend i just be
strong as i wished i have been
are we
don't speak

i know what you're saying like
i don't have the right
and i don't
so I'm so behaving myself
hush hush
don't tell and let it go ticking tocking

yes it's good enough
last time took 1.5 years, this like 2 months. i just have to stop missing the feeling contention and feigning optimism.

idealist for the deserving pursuits