the course

or i can outrun you
or make it the goalie lamppost
lay, not set, eyes on
die Richtung the ship sails towards on this contingent route
ship adventurous without a destination
free port
a breezy voyage
i'm a vessel, self-contained
and i ain't no Cook claims not people's land
let the fauna and flora be
just see, observe, be amazed, and bring imprints on the head organ

and this young season affair makes not a suicidal leap but
transcendence

transmogrification still a leap of faith
takes nothing but half second of courage

does the puff clear or mess with my head?

utterly an introvert?
oh my bubble room corrupts
pushing boundaries is hard - but only when one is not pushing but imagining pushing
in the course of doing so the thrills nebulizes the Angst and tension the exhaustion
but here in the balloon calmness endows
it's
lazy and easy

pump not think

hormonal?
partly
still sane enough to see beyond the thick thin layer of mist
it's shining, blinding in a good intoxicating way

bar too high
way too high
im pretty sure nothing has even the slightest chance to be compared to this
nuts
completely idiotic
insanity

so that the trade-off is future disappointment or what
i guess im well-preped and
who were you to say you'd rather jump off a waterfall than rowing on the lake
self-fulfilling prophecy rowed on

let it
let it
let it flow like the party of last night's
happy, not drunk
it will be

with little active construction it could as well come out beautifully

heart not brain

sunshine

(more than a week ago?)

how did it even start, good things falling off from the sky

gawd it feels funny, and weird, knowing who is reading this but yea, this blog upholds honesty and directness, for both good and bad, and happiness and sadness - unless to the point i feel too defeated -

it has been way too distant from defeat.
[but in any case, this is making me a bit too conscious about how and what i write like, now i needa emphasize that stream of consciousness, even trimmed, streamed and pimped, gives little regard to run-on sentences and proper punctuation. this is my private chest and i follow the genie inside of me] - taking pride in world englishes. credits to prof. h.

genuine people. let's say it's the genuine people.
brave heart and curious minds

there was some travelling i did when i wanted to see literally EVERYTHING. can't miss any details. blinking became something to be resisted against -
- and this time all i wanted to keep within sight, the whole time including bedtime, were my brother and sister - yes it did and still do feel like it - strange that these two have not trod into my bedtime blockbusters yet - ah yea have been sleeping better dreaming less at night than in the day, which is getting really mellow
- i would be cuddling and spooning so much if i could - it feels good to be

- i still pay attention to details, like the way she laughs, and the gestures he makes when he talks. it tells so much: that she is delighted from within, and that he is a natural. and her obama expression with blue eyes, and his smiling face of content - i still suspect it of schizophrenia considering the grim stories stored behind that face
do people just born optimistic?

concreta:
- running into the robins!
- napping of the babies in the back compartment
- first greet off the station, rathaus/ jungfraustieg
- fresh beer down the throat
- hostel maze, even so a wonder (bed counting so much)
- fending and breeding 'corruption' of our sister, reeperbahn
- the exhaustion, mojo club
- for the headless adventurous, sternschanze
- ha dot sunshine!
- getting lost and indian food, rostock
- chef 'identifying' (with) tourists
- WARNEMUENDE - BEACH BEACH SUNSHINE, DANCING like no one cares

thank you for leaning in

brain dead extremity

lying down pretty much paralyzed, 'wide eye'
inside the dilated pupils one sees nothing but the mesmeric abyss
'what's beneath those?' one asks
the deepest you could go could be some magma hitting metal
'oh wow i haven't seen with eyes closed for too long' is
   but not a line that could be sparked in an inactive mind

after some tens of hours even with minimal motion she gets really tired
hardly blinking, geist frozen in thin cold air
senses shut off in resounding silence, tactile deadly
so it wasn't really cold when it can't be felt
   even if scales start growing it still can't be felt

just
when you think it's time to let go oh
you hear the churning organ growls
   meh
now you gotta feed and let her rot alive
you smell it
and she doesn't

*
what do you see, through your eyes, when you close your eyes? (try just close the lids. then try close the lids and further block the light with your hands)
   - i see bluish, purplish shapes flying towards me it's like space traveling
   - i see florescence

what do you see, in your mind, when you close your eyes? (try it at different times, day and night, busy and duk han; when you have a different state of body, tired and energetic)