About grandma and me

did she think i was her?
could it be samsara but instead of one life after another, there are packages of 1.2 lives, meaning that
my grandmother is one and i am the 0.2
so our lives get to cross
and when she becomes zero, i have more and
possibly at least some 0.2 owned by others

the passing forward of something
a lineage

i am not sure who else in the family has it
maybe it could be more than 1.2
is it about the scale of influence
and
how much, breadth and depth, do we want to influence
how much are we aware of the influence
how much is influence at all possible
in.flu.ence

but a full one is saved for granny

i wonder if everyone usually considers themselves the minor share in the combination
because we are groomed
and we imitate
maybe when we are fuller, fuller of ourselves, then we think otherwise.

is life cyclical
even recyclable?
or seasonal?

To Antoine

Passion is a seedy fruit.

In a split second, yet another idea comes up

- they always do, but decisions are never made

Any result would be unappreciated

- as aspirations grow, but expectations haunt

Plums and more plums accumulated

- shan’t we blend them with the passion fruits? The juice could be a treat,

contingent to our gluttony

If the dew is never consumed, wouldn’t it be

more waste and

never-fulfilled promises

It is overdue but now let’s

make an elixir  

with lemon and honey

philosophy is mood swing

everything taskified
but it doesn't have to be

horrendous it is when
living becomes a task
that somethings has to be achieved for it to be fulfilled
benchmark and grade scale

because each person only live each person's respective life
all these respective parameters come into being
i measure you against mine; you measure me against yours
or most of the time we don't care, which should be better than caring
but even if the heart doesn't care, just to understand takes some norms and selfs
that is, the brain needs it
is it not a lie to say that it doesn't?

and everything in life is a task
loving is a task?
studying certainly is, often frame so, making is barely bearable; immensely enjoyable

or is loving bigger than life
loving others, the love of knowledge
is it a myth? is it not a myth? pff

is it about satisfaction?
what is this and where does it come from
apart from completing or fulfilling something aka a task
this is so messing my head

is it some cognitive limitation

okay
what i really wanted to say is
when i fail to satisfy what i love, people and school
i feel like i don't qualify to do it because i fail it
fail it like it's a task

but it doesn't have to be, or does it?

the feebly-minded

i don't like music
it fills space of my limited mind
which could be used otherwise
but never used
forms earworms
so it plays even when it's not really playing

i don't like riches
it blinds me from seeing the less rich
imprisons me in the bubble
the comfort-bubble
but poor haunts and give aches
the ache or the itch
i don't know what i prefer

or maybe it doesn't matter
what of rich and poor is it about?
of the mind of the physical of the tangible and intangible
perhaps i don't like both because it blinds me from seeing the other
and the inbetween
and of the infinite other dimensions

i doubt if i'm up for what i say i'm up for
i don't know if i mean what i say
i don't know if i feel what i think
i just don't know what i'm feeling really
possessed by the unknown
humans don't really have control of what we think or feel or do we?
or
is it a practice that the strong-minded partakes in am i the feebly-minded

if i'll ever remember the so-be-named resolution, let it be:
be in more healthy control of yourself

or is it modesty
or arrogance, or both?
to confess ignorance about the seemingly known or the utterly unknown
is it right to live in the mist
blur images nerves sparkly enable in your head

more precious time of my life, space of my mind and potency of my stamina need be saved for more worthy savory
valuable causes