good and bad, and bad episodes of work

This is a moving cute, possibly sad, story
A bunch of under-informed and well-intended colleague-friends
Trying to help this colleague-friend of ours get the remuneration she deserves
Little did we know that the labor welfare is so pathetically meager
Little did I think about what I helped my employer delivers or executes close to heartlessness
Think more criticize more

***

another episode of passive-agressive me in display today

and i think to myself, that it feels good in the moment but it does harm, immediate harm, that would last long, maybe forever

toothpaste squeezed out of the tube

don't be toxic and mean like someone i wouldn't respect

oh well maybe i should tattoo it on me

so i remind myself, something about work

so i remind myself -
don't become someone i don't want to become
don't become someone i would dislike and distance from i.e. self-hate

the new colleague changes the dynamics
what force is there to pull me into talking bad of my supervisor with her, i wonder
i know how sup is inadequate but rather than stressing this with everyone, i should find ways to get around and smooth work processes. work smart not work stupid.
possibly that she shares with me similar emotions at work the most, interaction with the supervisor
it must be tempting to vent, but possibly detrimental. so don't.
stop.

the provocative type i am, but this does not entail cockiness. it should not.
even though being teasingly cocky could mean no harm, it could be illy perceived. so don't.
stop.

or is such conversing smoothing things up. or is there some other ways to.
there must be.

or is it silly to attempt to be sane and perfect at work. they are subjective notions anyways
what if i act her way of sanity and her way of perfection. i think i kinda get it. kinda or maybe not.

or maybe i could just be myself,
but be a kind self

more good, less bad
more ideas and things, less people

Unknowns and open options

We talked about how time passes in a blink.
You recounted when you first travelled to Japan, some ten, twenty years ago. And you found it surreal how it seemed like yesterday.
You projected the same speed of time passing for the years ahead, saying some other ten, twenty years could pass just as swiftly.
You are 46 (?) and you mum passed away when she was 66.

My ten, twenty years ago, I was a schoolgirl.
In some ten, twenty years, I don't know what I do nor where I will be. I hope I do have open options.

Flamingo once said that the age of 25 was the mid point, in terms of perception of one's lifetime. Childhood passes much slower than adulthood. I wonder what old age feels like, and whether it makes some difference living in big cities and more slow-paced small towns or rural places.

At some point I thought I would enjoy life in a village, and at some other I thought I wouldn't. I guess it depends on the company and what one makes of it.

You whined about spending most time at work, rather than with your loved ones. I teased you about it being your choice. Opportunity costs too high for you to quite your job, fancy and not fancy. I hope you are secretly enjoying what you do.

I wonder for how long I remain adventurous as I claim to be, and carefree. That's what I proclaim myself to be, maybe not how I really am. Will I one day have opportunity cost too high for me to be free? I hope yes and I hope not. Maybe more not than yes.

十年一夢。