the inconsistency aka people losing their shit

hark!
and behold!

and i shall stare into its all eyes
there, glare

confront with bravery and comprehend and understand
embrace it with open arms
tuck and hug and contain
be bigger than that
- for i have not been free of It myself!
this guilty and innocent mindless rightful wrongdoings, this sensible insensitivity

i have suffered, and i have made sufferance onto 'thers
because we have all been strained, almost bending if not already
mad world madness thrusted onto our wee selves, our teeny-weeny big selves with an ego small therefore big

my senses have evaded me - more than once
and i plead for their return - time and again
and be prepared be hopeful be ready that it will happen again - because it will
for you like a lot others are full of passion and emotions and a lot of existential angst
the beautiful annoyance the anointed
humans

and i shall have faith on others and our sanity and humanity and the mystic forces of nature
we will be rough and we will return to calmness

we will

*
thank you anthony wong, who demonstrated easy peasiness casually talking of inconsistencies
and generously graced me with his vulnerability

缺乏底氣

where does their clarity come from, these passerby of my life


autumn
the leaves fall
she is irritated and she is cool
and she has seen through me that, despite my banter, i am no doer

trevor says bruises fade for a reason


mo
she is overwhelmed by her very overwhelming world but still she takes an interest in your problems too
and she saw right through that i was being intimidated
intimidation by circumstances
was that circumstances

these days i have not the patience not the capacity to contain,
i thought i did,
the problems of others now i see mine
they don't have to be mine but these day they feel like they are mine as long as i hear them
or if i don't, i seem cold

fake logic
but am too weak to handle well


i thought i introspected enough
non
not at all

but what's after introspection? emotions reflecting feelings reflecting values

don't seek

it's actually understandable

after all, we all take care of ourselves and ourselves alone
it's nothing about thoughtlessness, nor selfishness
that would be a misnomer, a harsh and mean accusation. wrong
it's just
when life (any life, all lives) is so overwhelming, who has the energy to do more than the bare minimum?
most of the time we fail to meet even the minimum

- even though i thought we divide the pain by sharing, and double the joy by sharing

darn i am ef-king anthony!
we suffer we are tormented because we care too much
call quits already if you decide it's not worth it

- 'suffer, suffer for worthy causes' says wit 



this consoles
https://www.facebook.com/goalcast/videos/1616965051714012/ 

don't seek happiness