嫲嫲的教導

欠意識？

厭世？

感動的是她看着伙兒的努力，也許便願意振作一下下，即使是短暫的午餐時間。

人生，就是零碎的奮力，despite 更多時時候的乏力與意志消沉。

矯情地說，為了黑夜中的星光努力，不要失去對日出的盼望。

bilingualism

me INTP the logician, whose native tongue Chinese as the language containing, embodying the system of thought is barely compatible with logic
- therefore the better articulation when i verse in English
articulation of reasons and arguments
brews the affinity to debate

how does the logician express feelings?
Chinese the language excels at subtlety and full of metaphors, like feelings

*
and i am ceasing to believing in myself because i am inconsistency am uncertainty

*
how do you talk feelings in English?
English talking feelings is like dissection
you tear the skin and pierce through the septum
there
my organ no music to ears

*
Chinese, like drawing
the untold like blank space
making subtlety and therefore complete and pleases the senses

so when the two languages talk
through two mouths or in one head
it could fail communications or make schizophrenia

or worse come to the worst
the mouth fails the mind, head or heart

two-bodied problem
single-bodied bilingualism syndrome

life story in five sentences

1. random emotions rode swung swelled buoyed the stubborn kid
2. the seeker sought attention approval appreciation through living the recipe life
3. privileges biases nuances delicacies only then came to be known, accidentally trod into the unprecedented pseudo "alternative"-turned-normacy outside of the greenhouse

4. half eagerly partly determined venturing into the normalcy adventure or barred to

5.

good encounter

peak hour
beyond full capacity
same train
exact same car

we stood at an arm's length's apart
and i got to
not poke, pat the arm
that exact same coat i saw you wearing the day before yesterday
"hey"

we seemed happy to see each other

thank you for the face, that happy face of yours
i like that face

this speaks to some
coincidence it is
- and coincidence passes

but it was a good encounter

have a good one, dear you, dear me, dear us

too much existential angst

it's okay too if you decide to take a break
away from everything except for your
sometimes calming and beautiful solitude, or dreadful and transcendent loneliness
and your restless mind, or restful

it's okay to fret, maybe it's okay to be abrasive as well but
is that what you decide on?
if you remember to inhale and think to decide?

what little control

or the right amount, of angst, of control