死線前的小小天人交戰

i prefer the status quo
     that comes with more (monetary reward) and that too is a attractive project
i prefer my current more diverse combination of projects
     that is the project under spotlight
my current project is more meaningful anti-cancer drug kind of that is a throat candy
     throat candy but it's a good candy that everyone pays attention to
that's a painful ride that likely leads to nowhere which i shouldn't take
     it's a healthy battle for a good cause worth fighting
the system is rigid and you will only be bummed
     * you should give it a try so you don't regret not trying *
i would further harm my image when i provoke by applying - would i though?
     it's not so much you provoking and only the meager would be "provoked" by your sensible act

     at least am putting the least effort if i do
     and am prepared to take rejection, gracefully

     窈窕淑女，君子好求
a curse, in disguise
     a blessing in the disguise of a curse

what do i want though
i want
e
v
e
r
y
t
h
i
n
g

興趣多元

     這回事

would i though?

     it must be so common, so so common

but still people could be mean

i want 

e

v

e

r

you should give it a try so you don't regret not having tried

t

h

i

n

g

興趣多元     這回事

seriously i have so little grasp of the likelihood i would it

but - 

you should give it a try so you don't regret

興趣多元這回事

what do i focus on

     what if i utterly do not want to focus

     then am i doomed to 

     fail?

what is success and what is failing anyways

just

don't stop absorbing