Sonntag, 30. August 2020

toxic. disconnection. difference.

ma saying something like having kids would make one maturer / make one whole

acquaintance probing / nosing how senior how rich how successful you are

mad news, non-stop ridiculously mad news

***

there are some kinder, more genuine friends

i ant ben em man eu him tin jon etc. this is a non exhaustive list

and they seem non-hongkong

(or they seem like hongkong doesn't deserve them)

they seem like the minority

are they the minority?

(would i feel that they were the majority had i lived on my own?)

**

there are some kinder, more genuine friends

but i also don't feel extremely close to them

they are too 'responsible'

which is a confucius quality?

DOWN WITH FILIAL PIETY LOL

***

the more toxic things / ones are clenching hard and have grown their claws around this place

they are the richer and the more powerful

they are not gonna leave

their ghosts will haunt and strangle this place

**

should we focus on rescuing the young

*

but the young loves this place too much

'this place'?

how did it happen?

why did it not happen to me?

*

of course it pains me

but not to the extent that i would give up enjoying my freedom and exploring alternatives

*

what strange differing opinions

just

personalities?

*

or privileges?

Montag, 10. August 2020

death of free press

lies

cover-ups

collusions


a well-meaning lawyer suggests filing for 禁令

we all know what the 'judiciary' has become


police press briefing

journalists ask, challenge

'cops' do not answer. the apparatus speaker phone plays the pre-recorded messages 


why do we still play / act / fake along?

Montag, 3. August 2020

i am 'here'!

我搬左入酒店
起碼會在隔離期間兩個禮拜住這房間


是奇怪的決定嗎?

因為
唔想影嚮屋企人社交 同 唔想帶箘返屋企
又因為
習慣左自己一個人住
番工下晏三點到午夜   唔想夜晚開會會影嚮到早休息嘅家人

事到今日
第一個原因唔成立啦
香港情況比倫敦嚴重


即使我仲有最快兩個星期先見到面,媽知道我返左黎好似好雀躍咁
我心諗:「原來你想我近你」
但係我真心 prefer 唔一齊住
(it's making me feel like i owe her her happinness by being away - but i know i shouldn't feel this way)

***

我原本以為香港都 ok
但係其實真係... 唔係太 ok
係有好多好好嘅人   但係制度 so rotten
大部份有權有勢嘅人 so rotten
迫到大部分小市民 so struggling to survive there's no bandwidth to be nice
it becomes a dog eat dog

尋日的士司機要收多我錢 
當下好無奈
but just like what A said: we are to overpay people being suppressed
但係喺非洲我就覺得 dependency theory 我係攞左佢地好多著數   我心甘情願
但係番到黎香港我就覺得唔應該係我要賠畀你啊的士大佬
雖然最後都係 kind of 自願畀多左
part 唔想 confront; part 覺得你係慘 (啩... 前公務員 😑

咁樣諗合理啩...


***

and i am not bored LOL


yours,
the exhausted introvert, no fucks given