Maybe the way to go is to "never retire", I mean retiring from "being valuable"
I would love to continue seeing self-worth.
I could… not have a job (in the narrow sense) meanwhile
- continuing to create, maybe as a composer, a poet, or a lyricist; a painter, an author, a conversationalist. A creator
- maybe an artisan even though I feel a bit far from it. Maybe a cook 👩🍳 even though a feel a bit far from it. Maybe a baker, even though I feel a bit far from it
I will be full of… conditions, both good and bad. I need to remember that "bad" conditions have some good sides too. I may have dementia, and more easily get tired - I wouldn't have as much existential angst then, probably. Hopefully. I would worry much less about how to lead every second of my life in so such meaningful way. It's meaningful already, breathing and sustaining and being part of cosmos.
A naturalist who continues to enjoy and advocate the nature
I hope I am still life positive then
I will be feeling more pain. It's not amazing. But the process of learning to live with pain will be a bit refreshing, transcendent, hence enabling me through the pain-but-less-a-thing journey
I hope I become quite at ease with anticipating the deterioration of my physique (Ahhaha I should do what I can to slow it down !) I hope I learn to welcome and become ready for my death like I do for… my other would-be milestones in life, such as the marriage/wedding that I don't want and don't have, and the childbearing, delivering and rearing that I don't want and don't have. Haha, maybe like anticipating and going to Georgetown, Leipzig and London. I wanted them, I created these opportunities, I adapted to them and made them as enjoyable as possible. There were a lot of adaptation and embracing and riding on uncertainties.
It will be ok
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