LSO performs 'Mothership' (with example improvisers)

mesmerising

oct 22, 2010

i am really draining off
not that i have too little to eat or sleep
but the stress
is sucking me up
dried off and become a crispy petal

so intangible
the quality that makes it so powerful

i dont even understand where it comes from
like i have just 15 credits
and 4 hours of cantonese tutorial
plus occasional college projects

oh perhaps it is the hour-long transits to and fro yuenlong every day
its tiring
now i can sleep however the trip is.
length.
mode of transportation.
crowdedness.

i pass away
and DREAM
and WAKE UP in puzzlement
need to figure out what i am doing and where i am.
like
sleep
real SLEEP

i wish i would get up and find myself in Copley 227, Georgetown University.
or a random hostel in Europe
yes i have less fear for adventure than for frenzy life.
yes i have been enormously annoyed by this place the people the system

so its called the reentry shock
and the way to overcome it
i suspect
is to emigrate

avoidance

i know i dont like this car in white and green stripes

although i dont know what i like
at least i know what i dont like
and am perfectly grateful and happy about it
yay!

so there was this little turmoil
and it made me want to clarify better what i like
i want to know if what i do is in sync with what i think

i can see why friends suspected this and that
cause i was being overexcited
to have met just new models
novel potential carrier of life
and i did lots of speeding
not giving a damn to the law
i told myself that i would just let things develop at full speed
cause i wanted to see its full potential so badly

but i did not think about whether i have the strength to pull it to a stop
when it accelerates too fast
if the car was capable of flying like a jet

luckily the car was quite worn out
it never went 200km per hour

and during the experiment of paddling and pushing and screaming and disappointing
i have come to the conclusion that
this is not my car
my interest has totally faded yay
now i can step down and stop risking riding on the wrong automobil
going the wrong direction
i will just walk
and wander
and explore
and see
and feel
and experiment and experience

i really like walking
and now i will sync my behaviour and my want

MIKA-EPK Interview

love of my life

individuality from collectivism

read an article few days ago
that was written by a teacher.

she mentioned her perception of students in her class
could not understand why some misbehaved so awefully.

only until she got a chance to do home visits
then she realised how complex her students could be

each has their own story
coming from a different family
of various complexities
had different experiences
characters and temperaments
there were reasons behind what they were, who they were, and how they behaved.

the school uniform has reduced students as an individual being
in a uniform everyone looks the same
and we cant quite distinguish their individuality
we just want them to do what people in the school uniform are expected to
study hard and get As.

it is unfair and insane

°°°

was thinking how i reduce my friends into the identity of being
my acquaintances.
as a matter of fact they have many more multiple roles
gradually im loathing the idea of categorisation
yes he is biologically a boy but so what he can be viewed as separate from other beings with XY chromosomes
yes she is a girl but she is more manly than him
yes you are an adult but are you still one if you fail to fulfill the expectations and duties imposed on you by the external?

and no one ever knows the story of another being thorough enough, when he or she has his or her own story embedded.

but the interdependence
the interactions boil and blend
after all a hot pot

and im a paste of yellowish transparent egg white trying to escape from the pot
before getting turned into a white semissoild
when i will lose my fluidity
be chewed be eaten and digested.

Post to share: mosaic and hot pot

梅克爾：德國多元文化社會失敗
(法新社)2010年10月17日 星期日 10:35
（法新社柏林 16日電） 德國 總理梅克爾（AngelaMerkel）今天說，德國企圖建立多元文化社會、讓不同文化背景的人和平共處的努力，已告失敗。

梅克爾是在柏林附近的波茨坦（Potsdam），對其保守的基督教民主黨 （Christian Democratic Union, CDU）青年黨員作出上述表示。她說，「多元文化主義」（Multikulti），即「我們一起快快樂樂生活」的概念行不通。

她說：「這個想法已經失敗，徹底失敗。」

上週梅克爾才跟土耳其 總理艾爾段（Recep Tayyip Erdogan）會談，當時2人誓言要更努力促進土耳其人融入德國社會。德國250多萬人的土耳其裔社區，融合紀錄相當不良。

基民黨的姐妹黨基督教社會黨（CSU）黨魁賽賀佛（Horst Seehofer）昨天也說，基民基社兩黨「致力於主流德國文化，反對多元文化」。

賽賀佛說：「多元文化主義已死。」

儘管警告「移民增加社會體系負擔」，梅克爾說，德國需要海外專家維持經濟發展。

德國工商總會（DIHK）會長德里夫特曼（Hans-Heinrich Driftmamm）表示，目前德國急需40萬名工程師和合格勞工。

他接受訪問時說：「人力缺乏使經濟成長減少約1%。」

不過德國猶太人社群領袖警告，德國社會和民主遭到極端主義威脅。

德國目前的穆斯林融合問題在8月間成為熱門話題。當時1名德國央行 官員說，德國被教育程度低、不具生產力、戴著頭巾的穆斯林拖累「變笨」。此言一出，引發眾怒。

該名官員為此辭職，但是他針對這個主題出的新書卻大賣，民調顯示他的部份觀點相當被認同。（譯者：中央社賴秀如）

http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/101017/8/krdf.html

an example from birmingham

great song to celebrate a friendship across 6000 miles!!!

pak hang you dragged me out of my other problem of friendship complications =]
take care and all the best in bir!

i think i have changed

thought i have been thinking too much
now i cannot even just look at things and idle
the mind keeps running
dashing here and there

contemplation
meditation
do they mean thinking or not thinking?

i felt like i have stopped feeling
less sensual
less sensitive
bad thing

brain power gets consumed and grow into bigger force
it eats up my sensuality

i thought i was proud of being rational
regardless whether im really rational or not i liked the name
have always disliked emotional people
if not people who are overfilled by emotions

but i imagine
i dream and visualise my future
fantasy or not
arent these waves and splashes of emotionality?

perhaps they are poisonous now i learn
my throat is getting really dry now

have become almost a chatterbox
there is even substance to what I say
but the words are soulless and heartless
i dont feel right mumbling shit
i speak things from my skull my brain and not my heart my guts

yes i can be hyper and hard working
wonder if it is the high of my life so far
that i have been so into reading and writing and being productive
isnt it too american?

interesting thing i have been reading
but the reading act itself is becoming less interesting when i push too much
when i get pushed too much
how am i to reconcile the conflict?

thought i want a retreat
and i asked for a retreat
but doesnt the act of asking itself contradict the purpose of going on a retreat?
pretty ridiculous no?
do i still want it when i dont know if this retreat will really be a retreat?

stop reflecting shall i but how
i have no control over what i think

yes i love food for thought but i am almost exhausted to think
yes i love self evaluation but its just too tiring

thought i still want to be free
from
complications of friendships
but who can halt development and changes when time never stops
when the world contains you and you dont own the world

i think i have changed

wakeboarding in busy waves YAY

been insanely busy

or maybe not
but still am out of tune with Hong Kong pace?

anyway I think I am doing a great job!

difficult and depressing reading on colonialism
exhausting paper on politics
getting ready for presentation on literature and culture
getting ready for project: radio production
teaching a 2-year old english speaker cantonese
TW trips, back and forth, once or twice a week

so want a retreat and a break

so great even just to have 1 hour hitting the shuttlecock with friends :D
and just now was planning hiking on Sun
and I joined the tennis course
and I applied to be a DJ
and I am hosting an assembly

in the mud of work and stress
I still manage to occasionally bath myself in this cool running river
fun and relaxing

so proud of myself lol

keep up go on add oil

a world of relativity

Your strength is just an accident arising from the weakness of others.
Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad

how sad.

frank and direct and simple

He had become hoarse, sarcastic, and inclined to say unpleasant things. He called it "being frank with you."
An Outpost of Progress, Joseph Conrad

this is what my family would say to me.

dark enough
my heart ached reading this
"tale"

***

was looking at pictures of London, UK
my heart really thumped and
leaped
upon seeing
just underground stations of this city
heart stolen

haha i thought i have been germanised.
alright so still quite anglicised.

***

hmmm i think im about to go back on track
cause im having enough pressure to be loaded and unloaded
nice relocation
for this huge mass of fat and weigh

***

been introduced new perspectives
understanding
english
literature
journalism

so literature is nothing fancy and
high
it had a really cruel origin
physical bloodshed
and mental colonisation
has it now a better usage
i ask and i doubt

words are always manipulated

in literature and in journalism

and i have figured out that i dont really like writing to report
its mechanical and robotic...despite the digestion and
regurgitation
but a commentator
who manipulates and influences

but i have yet the substance

awwwww

worried
when will i be ground blunt and worn down
scary

***

it has been a year i broke my arm