Post to share: 沈旭暉：身份含糊的哈薩克也是「東亞」？

【南方都市報】究竟亞運的邊界在哪裡？哪些國家可以/應該參加亞運？這不單是體育議題，也涉及地緣政治和板塊整合的互動。亞洲有不少處於尷尬地帶的國家，1991年獨立的中亞五國是個中典範，中亞領袖哈薩克斯坦(即「哈薩克人」的「土地」，一般簡稱哈薩克)尤為典範中的典範。

哈薩克國土面積排行全球第九，相當於整個西歐的總和，也是全球最大的內陸國家，天然資源豐富，在各方面都繼承了不少蘇聯遺產，在體育層面也是亞運金牌大國，自1994年參加亞運以來，每屆成績都在中、日、韓後高居第四位(1998年金牌數目與東道主泰國同居第四，但獎牌總數不及，總成績居第五)。哈薩克開國總統納扎爾巴耶夫(Nursultan Nazarbayev)獨立起執政至今，帶領國家成為能源大國，被稱為中亞鐵腕強人。它跟隨大潮流不情不願、半推半就地獨立後，順理成章成為中亞龍頭，發起了一些中亞整合組織，這身份是沒有人質疑的。

但這些勢頭並不能掩蓋一個事實：哈薩克脫離蘇聯獨立前，和其它中亞加盟共和國一樣，並沒有明確思考自己的身份認同問題，也沒有像立陶宛、愛沙尼亞等積極爭取獨立。蘇聯雖然賦予哈薩克「加盟共和國」的地位，但也擔心這些共和國的本地色彩太強，不斷鼓勵其他民族潛入，到哈薩克獨立時，本族人只佔全國人口不及一半，和境內的俄羅斯人數目差不多，此外烏克蘭、烏茲別克、維吾爾、日耳曼人等，人數也多於十萬。筆者曾到哈薩克，深感在那裡無論是什麼膚色的人走在街上，都不會被一眼認出是外地人，因為哈薩克人已包羅萬有。雖然近年俄羅斯人已大舉移走，但哈薩克依然缺乏單一向心力。納扎爾巴耶夫曾希望將成吉思汗演繹為這個新國家的祖先，觀其紀念品商店大量製造的貌似蒙古包的氈包，已知其用心一二，但效果並不明顯。長此下去，會直接影響國民的身份認同。 2010年，哈薩克在溫哥華主辦的冬季奧運會得到一面銀牌，成績已比上屆好，但國內毫無慶祝，不少哈薩克網民在網上抒發感想，將這反應與同屬前蘇聯的白俄羅斯取得一金一銀一銅後的舉國慶賀比較，認為「反正所有哈薩克人都把這國家當作暫住的地方，自然不會有強烈民族意識」。

哈薩克內部定位的不清晰，和它含糊不清的外在定位息息相關。立國初年，哈薩克一度向東亞靠攏，大概見中、日兩國在當地都有相當投資，相信亞洲世紀即將出現。於是它先後參加了1997年、2001年這兩屆東亞運動會，令東亞運一度充滿白皮膚、金頭髮運動員，也令運動會的水平提升不少，儘管視哈薩克為東亞國家的並不多。不過2001年後，哈薩克不再參加這比賽，改為參加其實早在1995年創辦的中亞運動會。這還可算是名正言順，想不到哈薩克體壇同時又出現了脫亞入歐的傾向──儘管它的國土面積超過九成位於地理上的亞洲，最終卻以剩下那10%「歐洲土地」為由，在2002年離開亞洲足協，轉為歐洲足協會員。哈薩克足球隊在亞洲還算勁旅，起碼在世界盃外圍賽能進入最後十名賽，但到了歐洲就成為最弱一級的隊伍，經常被強隊蹂躪。

哈薩克足球走向歐洲應有不同目的，在尋找更高水平的對手訓練以外，一來這樣做有遙遠的希望不日加入歐盟，二來加入歐洲圈子比東亞圈子更能抗衡俄羅斯，三來會在主場迎來眾多歐洲國家代表作傳銷，四來東亞反正未形成實質的整合，就是形成了，再返回頭也不是問題。但儘管哈薩克加入了歐洲足協，卻也留在亞運，以示兩面投資。 2011年，哈薩克將主辦亞洲冬季運動會，這是它首次以明確亞洲身份當東道主，起碼在其他國家心目中，這有助它確立亞洲身份。 2010年亞運舉行前，哈薩克奧委會的諾維科夫(Pavel Novikov)已提議日後和中國合舉體育盛事，「就像波蘭與烏克蘭聯合舉辦歐洲盃、日本和韓國聯合舉辦世界盃一樣」，可見這個國家滿腦子都是「整合」。我們可想像，一旦人民幣或日圓變成了「亞元」，中亞貨幣的獨立性就會出現壓力；當東亞自由貿易區得到落實，中亞也會有被孤立的恐懼。屆時以哈薩克的反覆，重新加入東亞運絕非不可能。

這案例反映亞洲的定義在不斷改變。當亞洲合作成了大勢所趨，特別是會影響國際金融和貨幣結構，亞洲在傳統範疇以外還包括什麼、邊界在哪裡，同樣觸動世界神經。例如作為美國一個州、但和日本淵源極深的夏威夷，一百年後，是否可以某種形式加入亞運，像身為法國海外省的瓜德羅普島(Guadeloupe)，也以獨立身份參加中北美洲金盃足球賽？俄羅斯遠東極受中國影響的海參威，是否也可試行一國兩制，以特邀身份參加亞運？參加以後，又有什麼後續？這些在今天而言未免太超前，但在純學術角度，卻值得前瞻性思考。

http://commentshk.blogspot.com/2010/11/blog-post_29.html

ich verdiene nicht die Liebe

ich hasse mich, wenn ich negative Energie habe und gebe.
ich hasse mich, wenn ich Traurigkeit and Angst übertreibe.
ich habe Angst, wenn ich die Liebe verliere.
ich habe Angst, wenn ich die Freundschaften gebe auf.

Also verdiene ich nicht deine Liebe.
Aber ich brauche das.
Willst du das mir geben?

going mellow in the jello *faint

Liebe Freunde, ich möchte zum Geburtstag, Weihnachtsfest und der Abschlussfeier KEINE Geschenke außer dein Zeit. Merci beaucoup. Kuss.

if i rip open a tomato
the juice splashes
the flesh plump with wrinkles
indention
inflexible

its blood dyes my sleeves
but it smells so right
refreshingly bright
red and orange indistinguishable

my fingers bathed in red sea
cool and cold

be confident be proud be happy

i like it when
you know me as who i am from day one
when i have never given a false impression
and you have never had a wrong reception
good antenna.

°°°°°°°

been slacking a bit
as the wave of papers and broadcasting productions were done
i am so proud that i have survived november!

should i have started working on the even deadlier december assignments
or should i be like this
take a break
chill and slack
hmmm
i dont really know
but i feel good being like this

contended
so contended that im confident i can deal with my december tasks beautifully

Katy Perry - Firework

have always liked her! sweet song for you in distress.

Coldplay - Viva La Vida

my heartbeat is in sync!
yes this song is history!

firm no to journalism...so sad.

phew
i just wanted to produce 2 minutes of TV news...why are people making me spend like days on this shit...

please dec 13. impatiently working towards.

the touch of nature

ava reminds me of the pleasure of touching

yes it was vague but i can remember
how i used to like touching all sorts of things
sensing to be amused

i pulled my nose and sniffed so hard
i pulled my head and looked so close
i had to know how even the smallest particle looked like
i thought my eyes could shoot out laser beams
to disect and analyse
then i could recreate the thing in my skull
you know the info tab against a background of green grids, details on the side
the complex object kept rotaring

trees and petals
rocks and sand
air and earth

the touch of wood and clay
granite and cellulose
memorable stiffness and delicacy
durable and versatile
o this is all natural


since some time i started like hugging
love hugging a tree
like it when its rough bark scratch and rub against my skin
i like it when some hooky seeds cling onto me
hair or garments
i could carry some home

and i would carry seashells home
and glittering pebbles
sand and rust
everything not artificial

was pushing possibly too hard to feel my constitution of this nature

i thought i would love being a tree
stands in a grassland with no end
bathed in sunlight
warmly and cozily alone

i liked plucking
when i hiked with pama and their friends
i plucked
a lot
of green shoots of simple plants
never quite flowers
thought i wanted to stand out from girls
and i like brushing against its loose tips that titter and flows
along with the current of the wind

why can't i fly with the air current?

would not stop ava from playing with dirt

a life full of potential

isnt it a pity
when life is a speeding car that go just forward along a never bending line?

when feeling safely on the leather seat
held back by the seating belt
when you hesitate though greedily behold
as it dashes turning into intermittent lines
when you sweat and are not bold enough
to let your arms out of the window and grab something from out there
you have passed it
you have missed it
you have lost it

but what is graspable?

moments gone
shimmering images lost in pure darkness
excitement and intrigues vaporise into nothingness
intangible memories
funnily unrealiable
or is it imagination
of an old man sitting in shade pondering at ever-moving, ever-changing clouds
fragile brain waves stored as consumable electricity
consumed then
irretrievable

people come and people go
if you dont grasp they would go
into that direction not your road
potential friends sadly potential
potential tacts and skills and jobs and blahblahblah
aspirations?

potential is derogatory
because it means
no relevance and real participation.

nov 9

it feels like my heart the container is being scratched
it screeches it hurts
no single dirt of paint can come off again

the pain penetrates and pierces through layers of vessels and flesh
it is indescribable
hurts and kills

or have i been numb
senses the slightest but imagination and exaggerations reign
dominate my whole being
complement the big theme of idealisation
the antagonistic devaluation
well juxtaposed
depreciation
some arbitrary

just dont think it fits
i dont think i fit
have i been detached or disconnected
from just the age or the world
from people once i endeared
it feels strange
hurts
i mourn

is it me who pulled it apart
torn and untrimmed
strings and threads still linger
but i aint braiding it back
cant rejoin
cant rejoice
as a matter of fact i dont know how to braid

the locks are the loose bundles of hair
looks tidy
looks messy
be it both
when you have different approaches
another matter of attitude

i cant describe it fully
cause its indescribable
but it hurts
it hurts

°°°

flight or fright
either i embrace and realign
or i just escape and flee
brutally alienates
me the alien speculates

°°°

i have nothing much to say
i dont care to listen
was an empty soul sitting at the table
ask not warum
time and lives the culprits

°°°

sad
it hurts
it hurts

i like being loved.

thought im playing too much
is it acting?
i hope not
but precisely being at a loss
like i dont know who i really am
i dont know my character my temperament my likes and dislikes
i dont know if im an optimist or a pessimist
cocky or modest
bold or timid
outgoing or introvert
happy or sad
simple or complicated
(well this i can tell i like everyone else is complicated)
gosh it is getting complicated

like i just said
false or not or unknown or unclear indeed constantly changing developing cause my life hasnt ended but what about so far still unconcluded is it comparative who defines it?
'deep down in my heart im a pessimist'
well...
i always thought i was an optimist
or at least i told myself so
intentionally or not trying to actualise the so called self fulfilling prophecy
but rationally also knows that time is usually the best possible solution
to problems
i suppose problems i have at this stage of my life are minor
being a relativist...
i mean however awful something is done it gets forgotten
after a week or a month, a year or a decade
nothing cant be laughed at with a fooling shrill.
shrug shrug.

hmmmmm i like being hugged
virtually
and audioly

being a perceptionist: the world is nothing but brain waves and thoughts

if i could live not in thoughts
has my life always been at odds
wonder bothered smothered not
life is nothing dismissed in fog

chalky dirty smeared on blackboard
memories fantacies perpetually mog
in dreams in lies everyone a jock
ride into a trap you and me are caught

is it falsehood a stupid knot
i tied within deserved a mock
a shot could cure a knight could fought
the debate in vain nothing resolved.

composition tribute to i love you phillip morris.

chur

i have been churring myself
which is seemingly exhausting and difficult
but the fact is
it feels okay
and very rewarding

but theres always a sense of risk and danger
of not knowing if i will get things properly done

but i always tell myself that it goes by the push of the wave of time
anyway, doesnt it?

by churring i mean work hard play even harder
its so impossible for the past me

so in this previous week i kept every study bit in place
and
i went to
1. the stupid mentorship thing, enjoyable only because there were two other cute mentees
2. drama competition of the eng dept of the year, andrew parkin cup
3. the theatrical play called dont dress for dinner starring chu yan, quite nice but i was so so tired that night
4. and 2 bierfests, on sat and sun
isnt it insane

and i managed to attend to ava twice a week
and im becoming a Deutsche Lehrerin lol
yes im fearful but am excited to embrace the challenge

but whats more upsetting than fearing falling from the tightrope as i maintain the balance is
not getting the same from classmates (well... awww.)

when i send my draft on the thursday, expecting to get yours on sun (yay u have four extra days already), i only get one out of two on sun.
when i slept at four to finish the peer review, i never get mine back and it has been five days already.
and i am not wrong saying that you exploit my time to amend my thing.
i know everybody is busy but if we want it badly enough, if we are responsible enough, there is no doubt that we can pull it through. gracefully.

and im doing another high table tomorrow night. tiring but i know i would regret it if i dont do much this year.
and from 4th and on every tues and thurs i should be playing tennis from six to eight yay!!!
and on sun im watching dayo wong
next wed the ching ming up river
27th joey (and ielts)

well yea the tide is slowing down cause im getting even busier now...
every sat a multimedia production??? *faint

yes i have been having fast perfect management of time.
except the slight emotional turmoil i have had just last week cause i thought i did not save enough time for my family (which includes myself) and jainui. and thought i have been living too primarily plainly a student. but in general i am doing fine.
i suppose so.

finally an excerpt to share from today's reading for my favourite professor from the english department:

"Literature has long been blamed for encouraging the young to see themselves as characters in novels and to seek fulfillment in analogous ways: running away from home to experience the life of the metropolis, espousing the values of heroes and heroines in revolting against their elders and feeling disgust at the world before having experienced it, or making their lives a quest for love and trying to reproduce scenarios of novels and love lyrics Literature is said to corrupt through mechanisms of identification."

Aha!
Eureka!

its (the fault) of books
its (the merit) of books

in love with vicarious experiences.