writing paper written

lol
dopamine is holding me up whilst i write my film paper
but
i need more epinephrine to FOCUS

film paper in one night??? i should have majored in film studies!!!

°°°

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
im not happy when i finish my last paper.
when will i write my next essay? in English?
wuah. i dont know T.T

so very weird moments of fun and. still being. conscious

'jesus why on earth could there be someone so hyper,' i thought to myself,
'he must have taken some drug or something,' i thought to myself,
'or maybe it is me who is so exceptionally tired to be living in this sunny day.
the warmth. the light. the brightness
of people
of this friend sitting right next to me
ah. in check.

hipping hopping making beats in sync with this music ultra loud with his body.
oh
and arms in hypnotic circular motions
as if he is shuffling the mahjongs or playing a disc joker

jesus what is he doing lol

this is getting quite creepy for me to sort of shake with him while reading him from the back
of my mind

i am so schzophrenic

why cant my mind stop flipping this book of text and pictures for just a while
in this relaxing moment labelled fun having karaoke time
orz

ugh

yes yes i could tell he is doing what he loves so he is up
but
to this very exaggerated extent?
laugh out loud

i dont understand it at all
but maybe its good to be
not thinking and just
gliding (so exact and explicit)
sometimes

aha we werent gliding lol
it was just being unconscious :)

i could have sat still and let awkwardness fill the room
but i have the courage not.
just fake a smile shout a laugh and live in real glee of numbness yay
for real. not true.
was ist authenticity?

Facebook lobbyist: Maybe we're allowing too much free speech | FP Passport

Posted By Joshua Keating Wednesday, April 20, 2011 - 11:29 AM

With President Obama visiting Facebook's Silicon Valley headquarters today, the Wall Street Journal takes a look at the company's ramped-up lobbying efforts in Washington. But one lobbyist's quote, flagged by Time's Austin Ramzy, isn't going to do the social networking giant's public image any favors:

"Maybe we will block content in some countries, but not others," Adam Conner, a Facebook lobbyist, told the Journal. "We are occasionally held in uncomfortable positions because now we're allowing too much, maybe, free speech in countries that haven't experienced it before," he said.

The comments highlights the increasingly awkward relationship between Facebook and the democratic activists who have championed its use as an organizing tool.The company has never been entirely comfortable with this role, as the Journal notes, declining, for instance, to sign on to the Global Network Initiative, an agreement on conduct within authoritarian countries by companies including Microsoft and Google.

Facebook's not in the business of promoting free communication, nor even "taking the entire social experience of college and putting it online". It exists to harvest self-provided user data to sell to advertisers and, at this point, any users who attribute other motives to it are kidding themselves. In that context, teaming up with Baidu to create a Facebook with Chinese characteristics makes complete sense, though somehow I doubt it's what the president will highlight during his visit.


Facebook lobbyist: Maybe we're allowing too much free speech | FP Passport

i would quit.

ich spreche nicht mein Herz

Vertrauen
Das verlorene Vertrauen
Das gebrochene Vertrauen
Es ist davor gekommen, wenn nichts gut entwickelt hat,
wenn die Welt noch chaotisch und unordentlich und unübersichtlich ist.
Wir leben im ekligen Wackelpudding.
Peinlich.

Vielleicht klinge ich glücklich und zufrieden und ordentlich
Aber das ist unwahr.
Zumindest nicht jetzt.

Entweder bin ich eine gute Spielerin, oder halte ich euch keinen Freunden sondern Kunden, denen ich gute Dienst leisten muss.

Aber auf jeden Fall bin ich sicher eine schöne Fürsorgerin. Tatsächlich habe ich gewusst, dass ich tröste kann und intuitiv bin.
Noch besser, wenn ich nicht einen Teil dieses Aufhebens bin.

ist es nicht lächerlich und komisch, wenn ich gesagt, ´Zweifel ist ansteckend. Der einzige Weg, sie dazu überwinden, ist mit Vertrauen zu fluten´?
es scheint sehr sehr poetisch und wahr und optimistisch aber
ich glaube das überhaupt nicht. gar nicht.

Aber das Leben ist ganz oft voll von allen kleinen Rückschlägen
Bedeutend ist der Mut, im ekligen Wackelpudding zu hausen und die störenden Dingen umzugehen,
das Herz zu enthalten und zu verdauen. (ich mag es, wenn es Englisch ist)

Gute Nacht, Verrückten Menschen.

Das Paar aus Mannheim

Ach! ich habe immer immer immer etwas mit meinen Lehrer.

also reden und reden wir, heute nach unseren letzten Unterricht
wir haben gesprochen alle darüber, Leben in den USA, Leben in Hong Kong, Unterricht, Filmen, Sprachen, Kulture, Regierungen...
und schließlich habe ich gelernt, warum du gekommen hat.
Grund: deine Frau hat einen schönen Beruf hier gefunden.
und erstaulich ist sie ein Professorin im Fachbereich von Journalismus und Kommunications .
Dieses Paar konnten mich Deutsch und Kommunications lehren.

Schönes Paar.

Warum sieht meinen Professoren immer so toll? :O
Was sollte ich tun, wenn ich außer der Schule bin

haemorrhage: SCHMERZEN. u. more Gladwell (love!)

holy crap it was so much pain :(
i couldnt imagine how i could deal with this pain if i aint twenty two
be adult-like be responsible for my own body ugh.

those 20 minutes i was hoping to be put into a coma
why wasnt anaesthetic used :(
like a line of magma lava thrusting busting spurting from within
or a knife cutting into my meat like you cutting a fish fillet
it was so f..king horrible.
and i couldnt make a sound to express my pain
and i couldnt sleep to dim my senses
holy crap ahahahahahahahahaha i thought i am a big good pain endurer
but this was SERIOUSLY too much blood and too much pain wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu T.T

p.s. amount of swearwords is directly proportional to the amount of pain i had.

°°°
the ketchup conundrum is a good read chapter.
so sweet and sour and salty and bitter and umami all at once makes good food.
the best blend. so exquisite so delicate.
and i like EZ Squirt!

°°
'Yet how could you know, Taleb wondered, whether that reason was responsible for someone´s success, or simply a rationalization invented after the fact?'

'An old trading partner of Taleb's, a man named Jean-Manuel Rozan, once spent an entire afternoon arguing about the stock market with Soros, Soros was vehemently bearish, and he had an elaborate theory to explain why, which turned out to be entirely wrong. The stock market boomed. Two years later, Rozan ran into Soros at a tennis tournament. "Do you remember our conversation?" Rozan asked. "I recall it very well," Soros replied. " I changed my mind, and made an absolute fortune." He changed his mind! The truest thing about Soros seemed to be what his son Robert had once said:

My father will sit down and give you theories to explain why he does this or that. But I remember seeing it as a kid and thinking, Jesus Christ, at least half of this is bullshit. I mean, you know the reason he changes his position on the market or whatever is because his back starts killing him. It has nothing to do with reason. He literally goes into a spasm, and it's this early warning sign

For Taleb, then, the question why someone was a success in the financial marketplace was vexing. Taleb could do the arithmetic in his head. Suppose that there were ten thousand investment managers out there, which is not an outlandish number, and that every year half of them, entirely by chance, made money and half of them, entirely by chance, lost money. And suppose that every year, the losers were tossed out and the game was replayed with those who remained. At the end of five years, there would be three hundred and thirteen people who had made money in every one of those years, and after ten years there would be nine people who had made money every single year in a row, all out of pure luck.. Niederhoffer, like Buffett and Soros, was a brilliant man. He had a PhD in economics from the University of Chicago. He had pioneered the idea that through close mathematical analysis of patterns in the market an investor could identify profitable anomalies. But who was to say that he wasn't one of those lucky nine? And who was to say that in the eleventh year Niederhoffer would be one of the unlucky ones, who suddenly lost it all, who suddenly, as they say on Wall Street, "blew up"?'

--from Blowing Up, What the Dog Saw, Malcolm Gladwell

°
so fated. so gefährlich. so random. so ´Fooled by Randomness´ lol
so rare im quite in love with non fiction slash non lit
malcolm rocks. newyorker rocks.

or maybe i just need a heavy does of english, read or type. hilarious.

now on Malcolm Gladwell

"When I was a small child, I used to sneak into m father's study and leaf through papers on his desk. He is a mathematician. He wrote on graph paper, in pencil - long rows of nearly written numbers and figures. I would sit on the edge of his chair and look at each page with puzzlement and wonder. It seemed miraculous, first of all, that he got paid for what seemed, at the time, like gibberish. But more important, I couldn't get over the fact that someone whom I loved so dearly did something everyday, inside his own head, that I could not begin to understand.

This was actually a version of what I would later learn psychologists call the other minds problem. One-year-olds think that if they like Goldfish Crackers, then Mommy and Daddy must like Goldfish Crackers, too: they have not grasped the idea that what is inside their head is different from what is inside everyone's else head. Sooner or later, thought, children come to understand that Mommy and Daddy don't necessarily like Goldfish, too, and that moment is one of the great cognitive milestones of human development. Why is a two-year-old so terrible? Because she is systematically testing the fascinating and, to her, utterly novel notion that something that gives her pleasure might not actually give someone else pleasure - and the truth is that as adults we never lose that fascination. What is the first thing that we want to know when we meet someone who is a doctor at a social occasion? It isn't "What do you do?" We know, sort of, what a doctor does. Instead, we want to know what it means to be with sick people all day long. We want to know what it feels like to be a doctor, because we're quite sure that it doesn't feel at all like what it means to sit at a computer all day long, or teach school, or sell cars. Such questions are not dumb or obvious. Curiosity about the interior life of other people's day-to-day work is one of the most fundamental of human impulses, and that same impulse is what led to the writing you now hold in your hands. [...]"

Preface, 'What the Dog Saw and other adventures' -- Malcolm Gladwell

yes i want to be you. i want to know and try using your logic.
yes that is exactly what the two-year-old is doing, and it pisses me off.
yes i see the same impulse in myself and i feel like a two-year-old.

°°°
i want a t-shirt which says ´eh ma ma ´!
oh my gosh i have just three more classes at college...(2 papers, 2 take home exams and 1 exam...lol)

sleepwalking

since an uncertain time
i have let go of
vision

not that i dont see images of myself in ten, fifteen years
but i have stopped consuming myself for a far goal
because i believe i am a person who could be happy
in whatever situation
haha i sound so optimistic

or is it rather a submissive mentality
aint i being passive
explication: i dont believe i could do what i want so i give up and
try to be nice and happy in whatever situation whatever position life would bring me

yes i know life is random but in the midst of randomness shouldnt i
still input effort to steer it the way i want?
even if it is an ever-changing one, shouldnt i have a proposed destination at any moment?

but i am exhausted to hold my hands on the wheel now
so just let it be
now
i think i quite enjoy adventures
in a wilder wilderness
in darkness at night

Das Leben der Anderen (The Lives of Others) - Sonate vom guten Menschen

Bertolt Brecht: Erinnerungen an Marie A

An jenem Tag im blauen Mond September
Still unter einem jungen Pflaumenbaum
Da hielt ich sie, die stille bleiche Liebe
In meinem Arm wie einen holden Traum.
Und über uns im schönen Sommerhimmel
War eine Wolke, die ich lange sah
Sie war sehr weiß und ungeheuer oben
Und als ich aufsah, war sie nimmer da.

Seit jenem Tag sind viele, viele Monde
Geschwommen still hinunter und vorbei
Die Pflaumenbäume sind wohl abgehauen
Und fragst du mich, was mit der Liebe sei?
So sag ich dir: Ich kann mich nicht erinnern.
Und doch, gewiß, ich weiß schon, was du meinst
Doch ihr Gesicht, das weiß ich wirklich nimmer
Ich weiß nur mehr: Ich küsste es dereinst.

Und auch den Kuss, ich hätt' ihn längst vergessen
Wenn nicht die Wolke da gewesen wär
Die weiß ich noch und werd ich immer wissen
Sie war sehr weiß und kam von oben her.
Die Pflaumenbäume blühn vielleicht noch immer
Und jene Frau hat jetzt vielleicht das siebte Kind
Doch jene Wolke blühte nur Minuten
Und als ich aufsah, schwand sie schon im Wind.

so ´confining´ are my favourite university enjoyments:

a hunger artist
metamorphosis
dubliners
1984
brothers
chronicals of a blood merchant
to live
cries in the drizzle
animal farm
1Q84
das Leben der Anderen

what is wrong.
am i just too paranoid or what

acoustic surveillance
mental imprisonment

but i quite like it this way

人來人往: calculated randomness

總是有一些人
心裡喜歡得很
但混熟不了

也許是
性格可親
也許是
賞心悅目
也許是
小動作牵動心思

但
沒有因緣際會
沒有主動了解
沒有勇氣踏出第一步
就歸因是天意

即使在年月日後往往後悔
我仍沒有心力拍拍一個兩個三個膊頭

人生就是人來人往
不可惜