sleepwalking

since an uncertain time
i have let go of
vision

not that i dont see images of myself in ten, fifteen years
but i have stopped consuming myself for a far goal
because i believe i am a person who could be happy
in whatever situation
haha i sound so optimistic

or is it rather a submissive mentality
aint i being passive
explication: i dont believe i could do what i want so i give up and
try to be nice and happy in whatever situation whatever position life would bring me

yes i know life is random but in the midst of randomness shouldnt i
still input effort to steer it the way i want?
even if it is an ever-changing one, shouldnt i have a proposed destination at any moment?

but i am exhausted to hold my hands on the wheel now
so just let it be
now
i think i quite enjoy adventures
in a wilder wilderness
in darkness at night