muddy cloudy mind, of an ostrich

is it wrong to feel bad when you are supposed to feel good
is it a paradox

is it strange to not know what to feel when you are supposed to feel good
is it judgemental

does mourning the weird moment help with processing handling dealing with
oddness and sense of loss
 from my own imagination in the subconsciousness
 or just subconsciousness, or outright blunt and harsh consciousness, without imagining

my breath gets heavy and my chest feels the thumps
 i guess it's really unnecessary

im a bit disgusted by this and maybe my reaction worse.

gotta stay clear of the yellow line, on board or at bay

it was exactly a year ago - is mid October bound to be a period of turmoil?

anyway, im in way more control, now than before.

it still disturbed me a bit, but just a bit - it shows that im human

see, now you don't get a long message, I can talk to my own journal and

the bearings can be laid down on the floor in my atrium and ventricle.

be untouched as you will

it seems like i'm more mature in this

i am not even surprised

- or maybe it's just i have become more used to this now - so comparing myself with myself and not you

whatever, i don't want to be bothered and, maybe already - i can't be bothered

im leaving the imaginary dock to embrace the rough sea

you can hip hip hooray on the emancipatory island or hop on to join me

it's up to you, completely your decision to make

i can't be bother to persuade you and i think it's only right that each individual makes each individual's choices

i have learnt to enjoy the cyclones and dizziness and stay sober, by myself in company

it's okay

- just

mix signals are understood as red lights - for safety reasons, you know?

Teleman - Cristina

//How do you cry with inanimate eyes? You're never gonna smile with the way that you're wired//