competition good bad

less than 3 months.
if the post exam self travel period doesnt count i have less than 2.5 months
to be in this atmosphere
surrounded by these people
with whom i dont feel comfortable among
but i like being

kind of suffocating
indeed inspirational
good whips of reminders
of how ignorant i am
how small and unimportant i am

i had dreams
fr scientist, inventor, doctor, lawyer
to writer, poet, journalist
dont know how many time i have been crushed
by myself
constantly giving up ambitions
now i am my own pin
poke and the balloon leaks and shrinks and bursts and falls

exhalation
a deep deep breathing out

i am trying to play smart
i want (do i need?) confidence
i want them think that im not so stupid
at all
i thought i could beat them
like
well
perhaps
at science

but i dont have logic

so the other night we were talking about the 3D printer
you read from the economist
well maybe i would have better understood it
but i seldom had the motivation to read that chuck
alright but afterwards i drag
stupidly to discuss the
socioeconomics
damned

i dont really know what i was saying
i only wanted to argue
to say whatever opposite to what you say
regardless of logic

cause i hated u always being right

competition good bad

but you are so right
which

sucks

and such of my opinion
sucks
even more

i should learn to lose gracefully

written in constant defeats