The first time I see so clearly that maturity and childish- or childlike-ness are not antonyms.
And changemaking and gambling, and faith and ignorance almost synonymous - maybe what sets them apart is the intent, its presence/ absence, and the what.
I hope intent matters.

I suppose it matters to the one making the intent. But what about to others? Idealistically it does, but in reality hardly, sadly, does it? No one in no one else's shoe and no one be someone else's worm in the gut, really, doesn't it? I mean even with the intention to, it's just extremely difficult to be - I want to understand mama and I try hard to, but without her upbringing and experience it's just almost impossible to (don't judge until you meet her).

I wish I have a nicer word than 'ignorance' but my vocab is small.

It is a leap indeed. A leap of faith.
Into believing that something will happen, and that something is happening; that something is, and something will be. About the present and the future, maybe even the past.
It takes some imagining, like history, actually also the present, maybe or if not everything. And since history can be revisionist, can't the present and the future too, as well as imagination itself? I don't mean to go metaphysical but it's too important to not to. So basic.
Imagination revisited and reworked and reinterpreted and revisioned every week, or even a shorter period. Very, very, exasperating exasperating. Draining. Knackered. 

What are you imagining?
Bae I have your back. Please have mine.

You ponder, you think, you puzzle, you wonder. Is there an end to this. Is it meaningful to if there isn't. Oh maybe there are pauses and commas, but is it good enough. What alternatives are there if you not ponder think puzzle and wonder, if any. Maybe there isn't any.
Free will? Freedom? I don't feel much of their presence. I feel very constrained by my mind. Is my mind myself.

I might have lived it before seeing it.