yep i idealized us, of course i did

my ignorance was challenged
and no one challenges my ignorance because i know it best

i am so freaking ignorant and i know it best

and i quite take pride in knowing and admitting it
but i would be offended if someone said that i live happily in the ignorance bubble
which you did, or suggested, or hypothesized
and i wasn't pleased

i freaking hate the ignorance bubble

i was offended and mad

i was mad, but still sane, and wounded a bit
the combination of which muted me for brief seconds, and you never liked silence on the other side, of which i was also aware
but had i not been quiet i would be adding to the non-yelling - you said you weren't yelling
except that i probably couldn't have been because i ain't proficient in argument, in any language
you sounded judgemental to me. of course you didn't mean to whatsoever

i don't know which language am more fluent in. i guess am losing them both
or that i haven't had similar chats in too long a time
or that talking over the phone never really works
fuck these demonic chats

you also accused that i wasn't interested in what you were doing
i told you it wasn't entirely true, and this was partly because of my greenhouse experience
i couldn't be interested in something which i barely knew
like you couldn't be interested in Fitzgerald because you didn't know he existed

that was when i asked what you would be doing - i thought it was a sign of showing interest
and i wasn't just showing, i was genuinely curious
more about working in warfront than about you personally
i guess your patience was lacking at first and fuelled back up a bit when you started talking
i always said you were one of the most patient people i've met

right, that didn't end well, our phone chat in a long time you know how long
we both know how long
and of course you said you would call back and i stopped expecting
and i'm really used to not talking to you now because you've withdrawn yourself from my life
awaringly or not that's what you've done and what i've accepted and gotten used to and growing fond of
i suppose you want me well, and getting accustomed to your absence is one of the essential hows

i am pretty sure you stopped visiting, and my guards are up
so high up now i'm no longer mad having vented here

why did you love me again?

it was a pity and increasingly not
it's really alright

stay safe,
mufaro