我是異族? am i an alien?

與人相交相處的藝術上了二十年有多的課
i have learnt the art of meeting people for over 20 years
掌握不到
it's yet to be mastered
懷疑自己會有可能掌握得到
wonder if i will ever possibly master it one day
總自覺是外星人
thought my being an extra-terrestrial being

就是認為自己是一個絕對獨立與人隔離的奇異個體
thought that im a wholly independent isolated strange unity
與別不同的腦構造
with a distinct brain composition
獨一無二的邏輯系統
a unique logical mechanism
也不準確
and it's still not the accurate scenario

其實以為自持的才是王道
indeed i thought what i am should rule and is the righteous authority
其他所有人不理解不認同自己的方是蠻夷
all others who understand not empathize not are the pathetic aliens
自命與別不同
thought that i'm the one and only
其實自視過高
it's loftiness i have to however admit

也有聽過人皆自戀的說法
have also heard about universal narcissism
也許我所行所為也合理的吧
perhaps it rationalizes what i have been the way i behave

幼時固執不已
i was an obstinate kid
常聽母親喃喃覆述
mum often repeats a story of my childhood
我曾在車子死火時又叫又喊大吵要揭起母親的連身裙
that i cried and shouted to lift her dress while the car was broken down on the road
氣得她死去活來
she was so irritated almost went mad in face of her impossible kid
我也當記得多次因她簽字條出界而怒把字條撕碎的片段
and i could recall pictures of my tearing the parent letters for she had signed out of the boundary 更有把被爺爺稱讚我的成績時所噴出的口沬所沾濕的成績單擦破擦黑的回憶
as well as my rubbing to wear and blanken my report card cause my grandpa accidentally spit on it when he was praising my grades
頑固是我的代號
obstinacy was my name
自我是我的作風
self-centred was me
我多次被罵不尊重長輩並目中無人
repeated i was reproved for living in my sole world and not respecting others
不錯我認為長輩做錯事後輩不需顧及陳腐長幼之別倒應直斥其非
right i thought we ought to criticise even the seniors and ignore the corny belief of always revering the elderly
面子是中國傳統文化的迂腐產物
face is the stale product of old chinese culture
姐卻道那是人情世故
and my sis said that it's human traditions, the world simply works this way

經過多年被罵跌撞
passed were the years i got scolded and i tumbled and bruised myself again and again
時至今天我大慨得罪較少人了
now i bet i offend less
只是其實有時心裡其時仍有不解不服不舒暢
just that at times i still find people insensible and felt unjust
自覺他錯我對而稍有串嘴挑釁
thought that he is wrong and i am right and my anger and heart to correct are provoked that i want to aggress the wrongdoer
唉其實誰是誰非也非由我下判斷
ay is me it's not me who judges
忍一忍或有海闊天空藍天白雲綠野田園
well leaving my temper aside may liberates me

奇異種子的遙遙成長路
the growth of me the exotic alien seed
活著的藝術有待掌握
the arts of life yet to be mastered