i always want a bit of time, however little it be, for myself, every night before i drown into the ´passing away´, the coma, in which i dream so tiringly jing tsoi. fantastical. good for movies.
a few ticktocks for me and me alone, so i could condense what i have done or thought about that day. crystallisation (oh crystal has no life or does it?).
make it lasts longer, as long as it could possibly be despite the vain pursuit of infinite and eternal preservation of my ´thought of the time,´ cause i keep changing, be it a positive or a negative slash growth or decline.
because i cant think properly, by hearing the in-me speak, when im not in silence (more precisely when my brain is not working for solely one task: hear myself). so i hear myself? two mes?
and i doubt whether being too self conscious is a healthy thing to do.
or splitting myself into an in-me and an out-me: schizophrenia.
back to the last entry: and is the in-meMeanings of life: better, in whatever sense, a benchmark for an ideal me, than the out-me? or the other way round? is there an average of the two?
•••
Yet there is one thing I'm certain about: I ( both) get better when I'm with awesome friends of mine, with whom I have confusing dialogues impossible with other else. Ga yau and lift yourself.
Isn't it incredible when a friend, possibly an equivalent of distraction, becomes a reservoir of support, a spring of positive energy? What a pal.
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