life, and unlife

have always thought that using polysemy is clever.
now i think the similar idea of 語帶相關 is more intriguing.
(what in english?)
encountered one example the other night and the ambiguity it brought was
fascinating.
there is this narrow and thrilling grey zone of uncertainty,
you know the
aboutness
or uponness
standing on the tinniest edge leaning forth touching the finish line
and the finish line at its tensest stretch
yet to be burst
right yet to be burst
superbly exquisite
always the yummiest
John Keats' Ode to the Grecian Urn revisited
frozen time
unliveliness freezes the eternal ecstasy
never achieved
never completed
never end
full of potentiality and imagination
masterpiece
oh and this very perspective on paradox (best and yet) echoes what has been taught in my chinese culture class: taoism

briefly it is about yin-yang
so both are opposite, and complementary
yes and no are not so contradictory, but no is the former yes
with full potential to become whatever to be (the yes)
no is the principle and yes the manifestation.
cares not gives you best chances to rule over something
(though by then you care not about ruling or winning or getting that something)
as Mark Zuckerberg stated on his page about letting go of desires

and Tsang also talked about it last wed
oh yea i got it now but i couldnt quite apply and make myself think this way
still suffer from shortsightedness (i thought old flower, which is similar to longsightedness, only falls on aged people?)
in that 830 class he was also talking about life (so heavy).
alright so li ka shing has foresight and always knows what he company wants to focus on in 5, 10 years,
and in contrast i have the slightest idea of what to do with my life
though i still expect the thrill i will have
when i am in yet another novel setting of life
hey think about going from high school to university, or from HK to the States
now from study to work? or HK to Germany?
it certainly will be excitement.
so in need of new thrust, which for me is quite the reverse:
brought by extrinsic environment.

the passive type.
from birth to present the passive type.
so when he talked about the 10 year plan, i thought he was couching me
and me alone.
(it sounded like we were in the room with a piano and dotted walls
to absorb sound. so private for us)
his example was:
if you want to be a 總採主 in ten years, you have to be a 採主 in five, a reporter in one.
jesus that tight schedule.

ASK: what to be in ten years?

life is such a one way road
no u turns can be made
what has been done cannot be undone
but i always thought there was the experience
which im unsure if makes a sound reason or a bad excuse for me to misbehave.
aha i have come back to keats and taoism.
problems unresolved, as always.
roarrrrr: should i care what i want to be at all when life signifies nothing? or does it? perhaps experiences mean a little something? to the present me who feels and lives despite the many vanities and nothingness.
uh-oh ozymandias. at least shelleys poem lives on for a bit longer.

and i see the old men in the town park
Menschen gucken.
they look quite miserable (just my unjust subjective feeling flung at them tho)
maybe they are not sad beings at all
i wonder what they think about sitting alone on the bench, looking so vacant (to me)
i suppose living right next to the big park is one of the best plus living in far northwest NT. i will miss this park (the nature!)
but, where have the old women gone? i thought they outlive men? no dont stay in the house! come out and get fresh air! liberate yourself!

doing loops around the park is uneasy, especially when you do it on your own, with no one running next to you, talking to you, filling up the blankness of your mind (so the only thing that comes in is ´heyyyy short of breath? stop now. no one knows you ran for just 12 minutes´)
and i knew so well that it was just breath that is problematic, my muscles werent aching and would not ache afterwards. it was just the breathing. and my bulk totally wants a bit more stretching.
but my shoelace beat me.

i just realised that i have taken leather as a material, and not animal...
i mean i know that its animal skin, but i dont regard it as part of something that lived.
no i dont want to see people who saw things on their plate fillet on market shelf, and not the fish in the sea.

°oh i have written too much. i broke my rule of writing as little and as ambiguous as could be, so leave room for imagination and readers to fill in. tactic to get empathy. or maybe this is still vague enough.