orwell

done with animal farm
the fairy tale the allegorical truth
hm
less dark than 198X
which is an illustration closer to reality
i still remember how my heart throbbed when i read that unspeakable

but it hurts tremendously
to imagine animals being like
humans

not essentially evil but
selfish
truly selfish
which is a form a evilness?

oh
dont i know from the beginning that humans are animals too?


it also makes me think about the
fancy
monarchs that still exist
they lose their glamour to me

and
governing bodies?

hm
order
organisation
essential

what are democracy and equality?
ideals too ideal
to be realised

tensely strained

°have not an answer to
whether people who do the organising need more
for brain power
high wage to breed honesty and incorruption?
why are we innately selfish and corrupted
do all people misbehave and fool if education and civilisation never exist?
and i have always disliked
civilisation
when it means ripping off nature. sort of.
when it means human civilisation. but not a civilisation for all
creatures and non creatures

a teacher from my f.3 chin history class once said
humans are born evil: xun zi
we cry from day one
need to be tamed
in ruthless ways
through exploitation and learn manipulation
original sin. fulness? -> alright getting a bit far now

from its wikipedia page it says
napoleon is the USSR stalin
snow ball trotsky plus lenin
squealer molotov
frederick adolf hitler

it hurts further

...
i wish i were a tree. a cypress or a pine.

harlequin a roma

i thought i knew what it is
how it feels
-what troubles and
Pleasure
it brings

and thats why i am
so
hesitant
ün? s_Ü r? e
in spite of the
Want

the uncertain Wish

insecured and
f
f
o

k
o
o
t




or
not
quite a wish
(how could
a wish be un_ certain?)

but there is the
_curiosity
coming back
:
just being
nAs
t
y
& p
layfu
l

wants a plaything
& b
a plaything

_pathetically


Or not
?

but some
comfortandsupport

reason
not sound
it does not clink

because
Love
still swim
m
m
ms to you
when
there aint players

°°°
like attracts like
we are strongheads and opinionated.

Was ich glaube:
Männer sind Tiere.

Nach dem, was ich frage und suche:
Die Bedeutung des Lebens.

i sense therefore i am

authors i read reveal who i am
six i have in mind right at the moment

george orwell (now on animal farm the fairy tale)
franz kafka (so so perverse)
james joyce (cant find ulysses yet)
ezra pound (my wet black bough and my virginal)
e m foster (maurice!)
e e cummings (aleaffallsloneliness)

visual arts i look at reveal who i am
six i have in mind right at the moment

edgar degas (ballet statue)
gustav klimt (ahahahahaha Kuss und Frauen)
j w m turner (i need his peace)
jackson pollock (splashes)
paul cezanne (the card players)
van gogh (his ear)

yet for expansion

Time on Mark Elliot

Richard Stengel:
"All social media involve a mixture of narcissism and voyeurism. Most of us display a combination of the two, which is why social media are flourishing faster and penetrating deeper than any other social development in memory. Social media play into the parts of human character that don't change, even while changing the nature of what once seemed immutable."

LOL two of my fav words: narcissism and voyeurism. so true. so dangerous.
isnt it just public display of. BLAH?
why do we like it? why is it wrong?

***
Lev Grossmam:
"He approaches conversation as a way of exchanging data as rapidly and efficiently as possible, rather than as a recreational activity undertaken for its own sake. He is formidably quick and talks rapidly and precisely, and if he has no data to transmit, he abruptly falls silent. ("I usually don't like things that are too much about me" was how he began out first interview.) He cannot be relied on to throw the ball back or give you encouraging facial cues. His default expression is a direct and slightly wideeyed stare that makes you wonder if you've got a spider on your forehead."

spider on my nose tip. scarily exciting.
conversation as data transmission. true, but too sad to be explicated.
ball throw: or i had been in a situation when i was constantly thrown at. which is actually not too bad when i have no ´data´ to input. enjoy getting info lol.

"One of the interests Zuckerberg lists on his Facebook page is "Eliminating Desire." "I just want to focus on what we're doing," Zuckerberg says. "When I put it in my profile, that's what I focused on. I think it's probably Buddhist? To me it's just -- I don't know, I think it would be very easy to get distracted and get caught up in short-term things or material things that don't matter. The phrase is actually 'Eliminating desire for all that doesn't really matter.'""

eliminating desire huh...at his age? thought it is a journey starts after 47?

***
It's a Mark different from that in the movie.
and I like the real one
if the Times is not a propagandaic megazine aha.

and nice view on the reality and virtuality. (<- and as a perceptionist i have something to add to that...hmmm...)

so the internet is not necessarily a virtual (sort of artificially constructed and unreal?) but isnt world itself a construction too. arbitrary organisation and orders? why are humans sorted by sex not earlobe presence (that will be so so funny lol)? and theres the bordering of countries (why are there countries after all. artificial governance...) so that is civilisation, a word seems at all positive. why do we act so civilised? why is eating with cutlery not hands civilised?

and nice view on the internet being a community different from all.

"No single computer runs the network. No one is in charge. It's a paradise of equality and anonymity, an electronic commune."

***
want to get my christmas reading
is Ulysses too ambitious of me? hmmmmm.......

ping
pong
tick
tock

artificial construction
a to
and
fro


the art of communication
and aesthetics of interaction

push
and pull

when you speak i zip and listen
hmmm

but i aint sure if when to speak when the ball never comes to my bat
its always coming oder?

shall i build a fence

i shall build a fence
to shield my soul
to seal my heart

there hasn't been barging in
but friendly visits
but i felt insecure to be exposed
there is the emotion twitch
a spasm of my cardios

so now i declare a gradual shutting down
of senses and sensations
nothing too sensational
i am not a paper to be sold
neither a paper boss to sell

--- this uncertain oath of fairness and integrity

jiang yu

somehow bureaucracy is better than real unjust
well at best comes in real democracy and liberty
i wonder how she is in person
i wonder if she believes in what she says
is she convinced
by the unlawful law of the land?

she worked for Xinhua in HK
and at the States
could she tell the difference
and do true or false
right or wrong?

or is she being a sad practical person?
submission to her limited environment
heartbreaking priority of life

lets not say power and money
but just life and prospects of work
something tangible and graspable
hmmm
still its scary
haunts like a phantom

a mannequin
a puppet
or she the performer

a magician?
an actress

or a humble person

i cannot see her through

Drehscheibe Deutschland berichtet

:(

Wetten, dass? wie fear factor?

Aber noch glaube ich, dass der Unfall die Verantwortung des Unterhalters sondern nicht des Programm ist. Oder hat er eine Versicherung? Schnelle Genesung!

Der Mut der Deutschen.

its not leaking. its revelation.

the wikileak ban reminds me of the info screening and history forging depicted in 1984
everything a propaganda
perception be reality

in 1971 hugo black wrote

in the first amendment the founding fathers gave the free press the protection it must have to fulfill its essential role in our democracy. the press was to serve the governed, not the governors. the government's power to censor the press was abolished so that the press would remain forever free to censure the government. the press was press was protected so that it could bare the secrets of government and inform the people. only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government [...] the word 'security' is a broad, vague generality whose contours should not be invoked to abrogate the fundamental law embodied in the first amendment
--new york times co. v. united states, 403 u.s. 713, 714 (1971)

but deep throat at risk

best
brittle hearts at desperation

more than wishing

you said not the cliche
but you realised it
you let the spell swirl in my mind
pour glitters on me so i shine
you angel have made me an angel

noticed it or not
i just needed the slightest chat and laugh
and no one but you made it with me

conscious or not
i care not
i am of the uttermost thankfulness for it
for your being

you made my day happy
an heartfelt thank you

no exaggeration im happy for your being
push or not im happy even at this distance
and im happy about the distance

though i wonder with feverish awaiting eyes
fearfully
but im happy about this distance

im happy about this distance
and your more than wishing

thank you

all of a sudden i want to celebrate lol
gosh im being such an emotional female who flips all the time
or maybe i could be a cool male who flip just once in a while to bring excitement
good reasoning :P

yes i want to celebrate i want a walk a talk a joke a laugh

i want a present best a digital piano
greedy me i know it would come true
but
what about you draw music for me?
please say yes please love

or you write a riddle
or a poem
or a story
about a piano
something you do not usually do

or a CD of an original record of music
it would satisfy my greed

you play your favourite tune
or write a joycely tune
or you draw or sketch

no i dont want a photography
yes i want your strokes
i want the pen in your hand
gripped by the fingers
stained by sweat

though i do not really like your smell

hell i am being nasty and demanding lol

no please do not send me the birthday sms
i want a bit more than that

being a bitch for this week, and this week alone.

jesus counting down to december 14

the Social Network

AWESOMELY REAL

A MUST MUST MUST SEE!!!

whether Zuckerberg has been fairly portrayed, its fun to know the intricacy behind the founding of facebook.

but anyway the cast matches the people in real life sooo well.
google image and you will know
scarily real.

and wikipedia their backgroud...
i can only say thats its not a makeup script.
its from reality?
Mark, dislike me please lol

and Justin Timberlake looks real cool and cocky enough.

AMERICAN COLLEGES
yes there is the unbeatable prestige of Harvard.

Post to share: 沈旭暉：身份含糊的哈薩克也是「東亞」？

【南方都市報】究竟亞運的邊界在哪裡？哪些國家可以/應該參加亞運？這不單是體育議題，也涉及地緣政治和板塊整合的互動。亞洲有不少處於尷尬地帶的國家，1991年獨立的中亞五國是個中典範，中亞領袖哈薩克斯坦(即「哈薩克人」的「土地」，一般簡稱哈薩克)尤為典範中的典範。

哈薩克國土面積排行全球第九，相當於整個西歐的總和，也是全球最大的內陸國家，天然資源豐富，在各方面都繼承了不少蘇聯遺產，在體育層面也是亞運金牌大國，自1994年參加亞運以來，每屆成績都在中、日、韓後高居第四位(1998年金牌數目與東道主泰國同居第四，但獎牌總數不及，總成績居第五)。哈薩克開國總統納扎爾巴耶夫(Nursultan Nazarbayev)獨立起執政至今，帶領國家成為能源大國，被稱為中亞鐵腕強人。它跟隨大潮流不情不願、半推半就地獨立後，順理成章成為中亞龍頭，發起了一些中亞整合組織，這身份是沒有人質疑的。

但這些勢頭並不能掩蓋一個事實：哈薩克脫離蘇聯獨立前，和其它中亞加盟共和國一樣，並沒有明確思考自己的身份認同問題，也沒有像立陶宛、愛沙尼亞等積極爭取獨立。蘇聯雖然賦予哈薩克「加盟共和國」的地位，但也擔心這些共和國的本地色彩太強，不斷鼓勵其他民族潛入，到哈薩克獨立時，本族人只佔全國人口不及一半，和境內的俄羅斯人數目差不多，此外烏克蘭、烏茲別克、維吾爾、日耳曼人等，人數也多於十萬。筆者曾到哈薩克，深感在那裡無論是什麼膚色的人走在街上，都不會被一眼認出是外地人，因為哈薩克人已包羅萬有。雖然近年俄羅斯人已大舉移走，但哈薩克依然缺乏單一向心力。納扎爾巴耶夫曾希望將成吉思汗演繹為這個新國家的祖先，觀其紀念品商店大量製造的貌似蒙古包的氈包，已知其用心一二，但效果並不明顯。長此下去，會直接影響國民的身份認同。 2010年，哈薩克在溫哥華主辦的冬季奧運會得到一面銀牌，成績已比上屆好，但國內毫無慶祝，不少哈薩克網民在網上抒發感想，將這反應與同屬前蘇聯的白俄羅斯取得一金一銀一銅後的舉國慶賀比較，認為「反正所有哈薩克人都把這國家當作暫住的地方，自然不會有強烈民族意識」。

哈薩克內部定位的不清晰，和它含糊不清的外在定位息息相關。立國初年，哈薩克一度向東亞靠攏，大概見中、日兩國在當地都有相當投資，相信亞洲世紀即將出現。於是它先後參加了1997年、2001年這兩屆東亞運動會，令東亞運一度充滿白皮膚、金頭髮運動員，也令運動會的水平提升不少，儘管視哈薩克為東亞國家的並不多。不過2001年後，哈薩克不再參加這比賽，改為參加其實早在1995年創辦的中亞運動會。這還可算是名正言順，想不到哈薩克體壇同時又出現了脫亞入歐的傾向──儘管它的國土面積超過九成位於地理上的亞洲，最終卻以剩下那10%「歐洲土地」為由，在2002年離開亞洲足協，轉為歐洲足協會員。哈薩克足球隊在亞洲還算勁旅，起碼在世界盃外圍賽能進入最後十名賽，但到了歐洲就成為最弱一級的隊伍，經常被強隊蹂躪。

哈薩克足球走向歐洲應有不同目的，在尋找更高水平的對手訓練以外，一來這樣做有遙遠的希望不日加入歐盟，二來加入歐洲圈子比東亞圈子更能抗衡俄羅斯，三來會在主場迎來眾多歐洲國家代表作傳銷，四來東亞反正未形成實質的整合，就是形成了，再返回頭也不是問題。但儘管哈薩克加入了歐洲足協，卻也留在亞運，以示兩面投資。 2011年，哈薩克將主辦亞洲冬季運動會，這是它首次以明確亞洲身份當東道主，起碼在其他國家心目中，這有助它確立亞洲身份。 2010年亞運舉行前，哈薩克奧委會的諾維科夫(Pavel Novikov)已提議日後和中國合舉體育盛事，「就像波蘭與烏克蘭聯合舉辦歐洲盃、日本和韓國聯合舉辦世界盃一樣」，可見這個國家滿腦子都是「整合」。我們可想像，一旦人民幣或日圓變成了「亞元」，中亞貨幣的獨立性就會出現壓力；當東亞自由貿易區得到落實，中亞也會有被孤立的恐懼。屆時以哈薩克的反覆，重新加入東亞運絕非不可能。

這案例反映亞洲的定義在不斷改變。當亞洲合作成了大勢所趨，特別是會影響國際金融和貨幣結構，亞洲在傳統範疇以外還包括什麼、邊界在哪裡，同樣觸動世界神經。例如作為美國一個州、但和日本淵源極深的夏威夷，一百年後，是否可以某種形式加入亞運，像身為法國海外省的瓜德羅普島(Guadeloupe)，也以獨立身份參加中北美洲金盃足球賽？俄羅斯遠東極受中國影響的海參威，是否也可試行一國兩制，以特邀身份參加亞運？參加以後，又有什麼後續？這些在今天而言未免太超前，但在純學術角度，卻值得前瞻性思考。

http://commentshk.blogspot.com/2010/11/blog-post_29.html

ich verdiene nicht die Liebe

ich hasse mich, wenn ich negative Energie habe und gebe.
ich hasse mich, wenn ich Traurigkeit and Angst übertreibe.
ich habe Angst, wenn ich die Liebe verliere.
ich habe Angst, wenn ich die Freundschaften gebe auf.

Also verdiene ich nicht deine Liebe.
Aber ich brauche das.
Willst du das mir geben?

going mellow in the jello *faint

Liebe Freunde, ich möchte zum Geburtstag, Weihnachtsfest und der Abschlussfeier KEINE Geschenke außer dein Zeit. Merci beaucoup. Kuss.

if i rip open a tomato
the juice splashes
the flesh plump with wrinkles
indention
inflexible

its blood dyes my sleeves
but it smells so right
refreshingly bright
red and orange indistinguishable

my fingers bathed in red sea
cool and cold

be confident be proud be happy

i like it when
you know me as who i am from day one
when i have never given a false impression
and you have never had a wrong reception
good antenna.

°°°°°°°

been slacking a bit
as the wave of papers and broadcasting productions were done
i am so proud that i have survived november!

should i have started working on the even deadlier december assignments
or should i be like this
take a break
chill and slack
hmmm
i dont really know
but i feel good being like this

contended
so contended that im confident i can deal with my december tasks beautifully

Katy Perry - Firework

have always liked her! sweet song for you in distress.

Coldplay - Viva La Vida

my heartbeat is in sync!
yes this song is history!

firm no to journalism...so sad.

phew
i just wanted to produce 2 minutes of TV news...why are people making me spend like days on this shit...

please dec 13. impatiently working towards.

the touch of nature

ava reminds me of the pleasure of touching

yes it was vague but i can remember
how i used to like touching all sorts of things
sensing to be amused

i pulled my nose and sniffed so hard
i pulled my head and looked so close
i had to know how even the smallest particle looked like
i thought my eyes could shoot out laser beams
to disect and analyse
then i could recreate the thing in my skull
you know the info tab against a background of green grids, details on the side
the complex object kept rotaring

trees and petals
rocks and sand
air and earth

the touch of wood and clay
granite and cellulose
memorable stiffness and delicacy
durable and versatile
o this is all natural


since some time i started like hugging
love hugging a tree
like it when its rough bark scratch and rub against my skin
i like it when some hooky seeds cling onto me
hair or garments
i could carry some home

and i would carry seashells home
and glittering pebbles
sand and rust
everything not artificial

was pushing possibly too hard to feel my constitution of this nature

i thought i would love being a tree
stands in a grassland with no end
bathed in sunlight
warmly and cozily alone

i liked plucking
when i hiked with pama and their friends
i plucked
a lot
of green shoots of simple plants
never quite flowers
thought i wanted to stand out from girls
and i like brushing against its loose tips that titter and flows
along with the current of the wind

why can't i fly with the air current?

would not stop ava from playing with dirt

a life full of potential

isnt it a pity
when life is a speeding car that go just forward along a never bending line?

when feeling safely on the leather seat
held back by the seating belt
when you hesitate though greedily behold
as it dashes turning into intermittent lines
when you sweat and are not bold enough
to let your arms out of the window and grab something from out there
you have passed it
you have missed it
you have lost it

but what is graspable?

moments gone
shimmering images lost in pure darkness
excitement and intrigues vaporise into nothingness
intangible memories
funnily unrealiable
or is it imagination
of an old man sitting in shade pondering at ever-moving, ever-changing clouds
fragile brain waves stored as consumable electricity
consumed then
irretrievable

people come and people go
if you dont grasp they would go
into that direction not your road
potential friends sadly potential
potential tacts and skills and jobs and blahblahblah
aspirations?

potential is derogatory
because it means
no relevance and real participation.

nov 9

it feels like my heart the container is being scratched
it screeches it hurts
no single dirt of paint can come off again

the pain penetrates and pierces through layers of vessels and flesh
it is indescribable
hurts and kills

or have i been numb
senses the slightest but imagination and exaggerations reign
dominate my whole being
complement the big theme of idealisation
the antagonistic devaluation
well juxtaposed
depreciation
some arbitrary

just dont think it fits
i dont think i fit
have i been detached or disconnected
from just the age or the world
from people once i endeared
it feels strange
hurts
i mourn

is it me who pulled it apart
torn and untrimmed
strings and threads still linger
but i aint braiding it back
cant rejoin
cant rejoice
as a matter of fact i dont know how to braid

the locks are the loose bundles of hair
looks tidy
looks messy
be it both
when you have different approaches
another matter of attitude

i cant describe it fully
cause its indescribable
but it hurts
it hurts

°°°

flight or fright
either i embrace and realign
or i just escape and flee
brutally alienates
me the alien speculates

°°°

i have nothing much to say
i dont care to listen
was an empty soul sitting at the table
ask not warum
time and lives the culprits

°°°

sad
it hurts
it hurts

i like being loved.

thought im playing too much
is it acting?
i hope not
but precisely being at a loss
like i dont know who i really am
i dont know my character my temperament my likes and dislikes
i dont know if im an optimist or a pessimist
cocky or modest
bold or timid
outgoing or introvert
happy or sad
simple or complicated
(well this i can tell i like everyone else is complicated)
gosh it is getting complicated

like i just said
false or not or unknown or unclear indeed constantly changing developing cause my life hasnt ended but what about so far still unconcluded is it comparative who defines it?
'deep down in my heart im a pessimist'
well...
i always thought i was an optimist
or at least i told myself so
intentionally or not trying to actualise the so called self fulfilling prophecy
but rationally also knows that time is usually the best possible solution
to problems
i suppose problems i have at this stage of my life are minor
being a relativist...
i mean however awful something is done it gets forgotten
after a week or a month, a year or a decade
nothing cant be laughed at with a fooling shrill.
shrug shrug.

hmmmmm i like being hugged
virtually
and audioly

being a perceptionist: the world is nothing but brain waves and thoughts

if i could live not in thoughts
has my life always been at odds
wonder bothered smothered not
life is nothing dismissed in fog

chalky dirty smeared on blackboard
memories fantacies perpetually mog
in dreams in lies everyone a jock
ride into a trap you and me are caught

is it falsehood a stupid knot
i tied within deserved a mock
a shot could cure a knight could fought
the debate in vain nothing resolved.

composition tribute to i love you phillip morris.

chur

i have been churring myself
which is seemingly exhausting and difficult
but the fact is
it feels okay
and very rewarding

but theres always a sense of risk and danger
of not knowing if i will get things properly done

but i always tell myself that it goes by the push of the wave of time
anyway, doesnt it?

by churring i mean work hard play even harder
its so impossible for the past me

so in this previous week i kept every study bit in place
and
i went to
1. the stupid mentorship thing, enjoyable only because there were two other cute mentees
2. drama competition of the eng dept of the year, andrew parkin cup
3. the theatrical play called dont dress for dinner starring chu yan, quite nice but i was so so tired that night
4. and 2 bierfests, on sat and sun
isnt it insane

and i managed to attend to ava twice a week
and im becoming a Deutsche Lehrerin lol
yes im fearful but am excited to embrace the challenge

but whats more upsetting than fearing falling from the tightrope as i maintain the balance is
not getting the same from classmates (well... awww.)

when i send my draft on the thursday, expecting to get yours on sun (yay u have four extra days already), i only get one out of two on sun.
when i slept at four to finish the peer review, i never get mine back and it has been five days already.
and i am not wrong saying that you exploit my time to amend my thing.
i know everybody is busy but if we want it badly enough, if we are responsible enough, there is no doubt that we can pull it through. gracefully.

and im doing another high table tomorrow night. tiring but i know i would regret it if i dont do much this year.
and from 4th and on every tues and thurs i should be playing tennis from six to eight yay!!!
and on sun im watching dayo wong
next wed the ching ming up river
27th joey (and ielts)

well yea the tide is slowing down cause im getting even busier now...
every sat a multimedia production??? *faint

yes i have been having fast perfect management of time.
except the slight emotional turmoil i have had just last week cause i thought i did not save enough time for my family (which includes myself) and jainui. and thought i have been living too primarily plainly a student. but in general i am doing fine.
i suppose so.

finally an excerpt to share from today's reading for my favourite professor from the english department:

"Literature has long been blamed for encouraging the young to see themselves as characters in novels and to seek fulfillment in analogous ways: running away from home to experience the life of the metropolis, espousing the values of heroes and heroines in revolting against their elders and feeling disgust at the world before having experienced it, or making their lives a quest for love and trying to reproduce scenarios of novels and love lyrics Literature is said to corrupt through mechanisms of identification."

Aha!
Eureka!

its (the fault) of books
its (the merit) of books

in love with vicarious experiences.

LSO performs 'Mothership' (with example improvisers)

mesmerising

oct 22, 2010

i am really draining off
not that i have too little to eat or sleep
but the stress
is sucking me up
dried off and become a crispy petal

so intangible
the quality that makes it so powerful

i dont even understand where it comes from
like i have just 15 credits
and 4 hours of cantonese tutorial
plus occasional college projects

oh perhaps it is the hour-long transits to and fro yuenlong every day
its tiring
now i can sleep however the trip is.
length.
mode of transportation.
crowdedness.

i pass away
and DREAM
and WAKE UP in puzzlement
need to figure out what i am doing and where i am.
like
sleep
real SLEEP

i wish i would get up and find myself in Copley 227, Georgetown University.
or a random hostel in Europe
yes i have less fear for adventure than for frenzy life.
yes i have been enormously annoyed by this place the people the system

so its called the reentry shock
and the way to overcome it
i suspect
is to emigrate

avoidance

i know i dont like this car in white and green stripes

although i dont know what i like
at least i know what i dont like
and am perfectly grateful and happy about it
yay!

so there was this little turmoil
and it made me want to clarify better what i like
i want to know if what i do is in sync with what i think

i can see why friends suspected this and that
cause i was being overexcited
to have met just new models
novel potential carrier of life
and i did lots of speeding
not giving a damn to the law
i told myself that i would just let things develop at full speed
cause i wanted to see its full potential so badly

but i did not think about whether i have the strength to pull it to a stop
when it accelerates too fast
if the car was capable of flying like a jet

luckily the car was quite worn out
it never went 200km per hour

and during the experiment of paddling and pushing and screaming and disappointing
i have come to the conclusion that
this is not my car
my interest has totally faded yay
now i can step down and stop risking riding on the wrong automobil
going the wrong direction
i will just walk
and wander
and explore
and see
and feel
and experiment and experience

i really like walking
and now i will sync my behaviour and my want

MIKA-EPK Interview

love of my life

individuality from collectivism

read an article few days ago
that was written by a teacher.

she mentioned her perception of students in her class
could not understand why some misbehaved so awefully.

only until she got a chance to do home visits
then she realised how complex her students could be

each has their own story
coming from a different family
of various complexities
had different experiences
characters and temperaments
there were reasons behind what they were, who they were, and how they behaved.

the school uniform has reduced students as an individual being
in a uniform everyone looks the same
and we cant quite distinguish their individuality
we just want them to do what people in the school uniform are expected to
study hard and get As.

it is unfair and insane

°°°

was thinking how i reduce my friends into the identity of being
my acquaintances.
as a matter of fact they have many more multiple roles
gradually im loathing the idea of categorisation
yes he is biologically a boy but so what he can be viewed as separate from other beings with XY chromosomes
yes she is a girl but she is more manly than him
yes you are an adult but are you still one if you fail to fulfill the expectations and duties imposed on you by the external?

and no one ever knows the story of another being thorough enough, when he or she has his or her own story embedded.

but the interdependence
the interactions boil and blend
after all a hot pot

and im a paste of yellowish transparent egg white trying to escape from the pot
before getting turned into a white semissoild
when i will lose my fluidity
be chewed be eaten and digested.

Post to share: mosaic and hot pot

梅克爾：德國多元文化社會失敗
(法新社)2010年10月17日 星期日 10:35
（法新社柏林 16日電） 德國 總理梅克爾（AngelaMerkel）今天說，德國企圖建立多元文化社會、讓不同文化背景的人和平共處的努力，已告失敗。

梅克爾是在柏林附近的波茨坦（Potsdam），對其保守的基督教民主黨 （Christian Democratic Union, CDU）青年黨員作出上述表示。她說，「多元文化主義」（Multikulti），即「我們一起快快樂樂生活」的概念行不通。

她說：「這個想法已經失敗，徹底失敗。」

上週梅克爾才跟土耳其 總理艾爾段（Recep Tayyip Erdogan）會談，當時2人誓言要更努力促進土耳其人融入德國社會。德國250多萬人的土耳其裔社區，融合紀錄相當不良。

基民黨的姐妹黨基督教社會黨（CSU）黨魁賽賀佛（Horst Seehofer）昨天也說，基民基社兩黨「致力於主流德國文化，反對多元文化」。

賽賀佛說：「多元文化主義已死。」

儘管警告「移民增加社會體系負擔」，梅克爾說，德國需要海外專家維持經濟發展。

德國工商總會（DIHK）會長德里夫特曼（Hans-Heinrich Driftmamm）表示，目前德國急需40萬名工程師和合格勞工。

他接受訪問時說：「人力缺乏使經濟成長減少約1%。」

不過德國猶太人社群領袖警告，德國社會和民主遭到極端主義威脅。

德國目前的穆斯林融合問題在8月間成為熱門話題。當時1名德國央行 官員說，德國被教育程度低、不具生產力、戴著頭巾的穆斯林拖累「變笨」。此言一出，引發眾怒。

該名官員為此辭職，但是他針對這個主題出的新書卻大賣，民調顯示他的部份觀點相當被認同。（譯者：中央社賴秀如）

http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/101017/8/krdf.html

an example from birmingham

great song to celebrate a friendship across 6000 miles!!!

pak hang you dragged me out of my other problem of friendship complications =]
take care and all the best in bir!

i think i have changed

thought i have been thinking too much
now i cannot even just look at things and idle
the mind keeps running
dashing here and there

contemplation
meditation
do they mean thinking or not thinking?

i felt like i have stopped feeling
less sensual
less sensitive
bad thing

brain power gets consumed and grow into bigger force
it eats up my sensuality

i thought i was proud of being rational
regardless whether im really rational or not i liked the name
have always disliked emotional people
if not people who are overfilled by emotions

but i imagine
i dream and visualise my future
fantasy or not
arent these waves and splashes of emotionality?

perhaps they are poisonous now i learn
my throat is getting really dry now

have become almost a chatterbox
there is even substance to what I say
but the words are soulless and heartless
i dont feel right mumbling shit
i speak things from my skull my brain and not my heart my guts

yes i can be hyper and hard working
wonder if it is the high of my life so far
that i have been so into reading and writing and being productive
isnt it too american?

interesting thing i have been reading
but the reading act itself is becoming less interesting when i push too much
when i get pushed too much
how am i to reconcile the conflict?

thought i want a retreat
and i asked for a retreat
but doesnt the act of asking itself contradict the purpose of going on a retreat?
pretty ridiculous no?
do i still want it when i dont know if this retreat will really be a retreat?

stop reflecting shall i but how
i have no control over what i think

yes i love food for thought but i am almost exhausted to think
yes i love self evaluation but its just too tiring

thought i still want to be free
from
complications of friendships
but who can halt development and changes when time never stops
when the world contains you and you dont own the world

i think i have changed

wakeboarding in busy waves YAY

been insanely busy

or maybe not
but still am out of tune with Hong Kong pace?

anyway I think I am doing a great job!

difficult and depressing reading on colonialism
exhausting paper on politics
getting ready for presentation on literature and culture
getting ready for project: radio production
teaching a 2-year old english speaker cantonese
TW trips, back and forth, once or twice a week

so want a retreat and a break

so great even just to have 1 hour hitting the shuttlecock with friends :D
and just now was planning hiking on Sun
and I joined the tennis course
and I applied to be a DJ
and I am hosting an assembly

in the mud of work and stress
I still manage to occasionally bath myself in this cool running river
fun and relaxing

so proud of myself lol

keep up go on add oil

a world of relativity

Your strength is just an accident arising from the weakness of others.
Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad

how sad.

frank and direct and simple

He had become hoarse, sarcastic, and inclined to say unpleasant things. He called it "being frank with you."
An Outpost of Progress, Joseph Conrad

this is what my family would say to me.

dark enough
my heart ached reading this
"tale"

***

was looking at pictures of London, UK
my heart really thumped and
leaped
upon seeing
just underground stations of this city
heart stolen

haha i thought i have been germanised.
alright so still quite anglicised.

***

hmmm i think im about to go back on track
cause im having enough pressure to be loaded and unloaded
nice relocation
for this huge mass of fat and weigh

***

been introduced new perspectives
understanding
english
literature
journalism

so literature is nothing fancy and
high
it had a really cruel origin
physical bloodshed
and mental colonisation
has it now a better usage
i ask and i doubt

words are always manipulated

in literature and in journalism

and i have figured out that i dont really like writing to report
its mechanical and robotic...despite the digestion and
regurgitation
but a commentator
who manipulates and influences

but i have yet the substance

awwwww

worried
when will i be ground blunt and worn down
scary

***

it has been a year i broke my arm

"Remember" - Waiting For The Moon

breathless and speechless
incredibly powerful
melted from inside out

zelda and scott

another infidelity

i thought they were a casual couple
zelda being the extravagant and boisterous loud girl
scott interested in only superficiality:
the gold girl looked good

the couple the biggest spender
alcoholic and hollow in the jazz age

zelda declined his proposal:
he could not support the gaiety she wanted

but they managed to marry

first in money
then with worry

zelda who didnt conform to normality
lost herself yielded to insanity
sent to sanitorium

scott left to win bread
wrote script
developed an affair with an actress
died

and after eight years the sane woman
resided under his shadow
lived with his ghost.

reality too drunk to be observed
sanity too sad to be true

reflection upon this festival of reunion

mid autumn festival
is traditionally a festival of reunion

i thought mental reunion rather than physical togetherness

the shape of the moon
is a shape of absolute smoothness
the orients believe that this shape without edges implies harmony
and we look at it and contemplate upon it on this particular day
because
lunar aug 15 is the day of the year on which the moon is the brightest and the roundest
it gets so bright that the milky galaxy is in comparison dimmed
so the river separating ox boy and stitch girl vanishes
thus the couple reunites

sharp edges and angles, on the other hand, are blades and quarrels
that hurt and harm
that kill and murder

on this day i am imprisoned in this cell
all windows closed and spotlights on
its hot and steamy and suffocating
i thought people are interrogating and threatening
im getting blinded and smashed
im losing faith and confidence

i see killing blades on the threshold of this home
it cuts and the blood dyes the tiles of this room
the red flooded this place and is filling up the room
not a nice pool to swim in

for we are mentally miles apart
we don´t appreciate one and other´s point of view and perspectives
we don´t even bother to make an effort to understand our differences
so just let it be
let fights rule

i puke
when the gist of the fest is reduced from psychical oneness and coalescence
to physical or appetite satisfaction

someone just called from the living room
`theres something to eat now!`

this is a pathetic mooncake festival

Jamie Cullum twenty something

in the dark

been waiting for this night
when i have eyes but see not people rushing
have ears but hear not city hustling
motions frozen when vision slights
neither my heart rumbles
nor my brain mumbles
when i lose my sight
my whole being is directed to the might of darkness

in the dark

i spoke from my heart
with unattended jokes
turned into fun larks
they became your coke

i heard your giggles
they made me smile
yum yum apple crumbles
dine at river nile

our travel begins
mere the planning cheers
talk while holding gin
erase dirt and smear

these are the days of youth
of dreamers and idealists
like you and me

we dream even without vision in the dark

need a treat. be it connection to outside of me.

today i needed a treat but i didnt know what would bring satisfaction

first attempt
food
i tried a waffle from yamazaki
trying to retrieve the joy and the freedom i had in brussel
failed
i knew before i bite it that it wouldnt taste too authentic nor even just nice
but i thought it would trigger my happy motor
but it failed

second food attempt
frozen yogurt at holly cow
pretty good as a matter of fact
and the big portion surprised me
quite creamy and milky too
though i wanted something more solid and sour
the yogurt type of sour
bacterially sour
anyway
it failed cheering me up

didnt quite know where the low came from
school work and stress?
i reasoned it to my having not yet adapted to the HK mode of study
things are getting pretty intense
three english courses, 1 lit 1 sort of soci 1 personal but with too many questionnaires to fill in...awwwww
and two courses on journalism which are superb eyeopeners
now i truly know i love journalism and politics and newspapers
and one course by funny au yeung on cantonese
thought i would be fun well a little perhaps for newcomers
but i felt like im repeating my freshman year taking his course
cant quite stand him anymore
should i drop it?
then add another or just have five courses?
well
frankly not quite intense nor too harsh
but comparatively it is compared to what i had in DC
what an exchange student would focus on
not really academics but truly
new experiences

anyway should stop reminiscing

was on my way to tutor baby
didnt want to cause was stressing out a bit and was really tired
brain only on tsang chung wing and politics YAY journalism!
and thinking if i should take do course add drop
work harder or be chiller
ay i know i shouldnt be like this cause i am far too lucky
already
but what can help

wanted to be in touch as well
perhaps friends would help
just needed someone to talk to
when i have an early off from class so i have 1 extra hour not having real tasks
when i have strong lows from nowhere perhaps knowing your high resolves all
when i wanted to nag a little and say things like ay i cant see the baby today shade!
and i texted a friend
she gave no response
alright i know friends are usually busier than i am
never mind i had a book with me
good heavens i had a book

finally went shopped a little
it helped diverting my attention from my
mood
and myself
to physicality and appearances
materiality at least satisfies a little
superficiality
temporarily it helps

so all i needed was just a diversion
and time out
from pondering upon unsolvable actually solving-unnecessary issues
stupidly enough

yay i gave myself a treat!

oh bonus treats: i got two chinese books to read!

looking forth to tomorrow evening a real time out from reality...
dialogue in the darrrk

the vulture in me

feeling miserable
for incredible unreasons

the l word haunts
again
like a vulture hovering
right above my bloody red land
yet to blossom into crimson red
yet to be bled into a lively deadly river

rather not a stagnant dead sea

as a piece of flesh
it could be taken away
when the giant bird shoots down to hunt
its ferocious blinks through its sharp eyes
ready to chew
digest and eradicate
my complete being
i could be
forgotten within a blink

this animalistic creature haunts
it goes and comes
casually carefree
but completely destructive
adds to cruelty

brutality defines today
too tired to contemplate

Time for the real life has come
But I ain't ready to be a student of the territory.
Not ready to read
nor write
not used to the chineseish expressions and
the murmur
the tightness and
the boredom
the limit and
the cage

awwwww say ay

I feel the touch of the icecold rigid metal bars
where is my melting pot to melt them down?
how
to break out from this prison of my mind?
phantom whispers free
but i see no light beam or stars
grip not a compass or a map
neither tools nor
any human beings are around
i heard faintly
the being says
turn the corner

This well that nurtured
now dried
sucks fluids of any type
my blood flows out of my body
via the yuckly plastic tubes
the elixir that sustains
now looks like mere colour paint

am almost dehydrated
i feebly mourn and twist my waist
uncomfortably i could have bitten my tongue

a beetle ready to die
about to reborn into a butterfly
not quite resurrection
head tilted looking forward to a transformation

idealisation and fantasisation Being redone

almost a forever yes yes of me
to which does me better if i turn it into a no no

too big a dreamer
enough said.

distance allows the projection
of the ´want´ image onto the biggest silver screen of reality
always shinning quite delusive
in the dark chamber audience would take it for real
the audience being me the one and only deceived
producers would laugh and tease
this is a metaphysical performance

there ain´t a villain
no way a physical being
not even a moving shadow a swiftly twinkling
ill.ly illuminated ghost
But the mind
broad as it can be
extremely powerful and infiltrating
got soaked up by this yucky fluid of lies
thready and numbingly

why would i film if i write only poetry and no scripts for dramas

i
m
getting
tired
getting
bored
and
impatient

losing my ration

needs a break from
facebook
and
everyone

its been to long since last we met
georgetown i miss you georgetown

獨處

差點又忘記
與時間相處的藝術
獨處的分秒
不可浪費
要好好品味

不喜歡kill time這個字
時間不應該被殺掉
as if 時間是個敵人
as if 你不能和時間好好共處

不一定有反思
也不一定要悟出大道理來
只要
be comfortable with being alone
being with a soul

不希望
一靜下來就想著要按電話

讀一下文字也好

發呆出神
更好

靈魂飄出去
回頭看一下自己坐車打呵欠的樣子

its stinky its shit

for this is my private zone i say what i want
this is the tiniest garden i occupy i owe i defend
i dont give a shit if what comes from my heart makes you however uncomfortable

words faultless indeed
you mentality is simply too fragile
to survive on this planet
but we want you live
in hope and in faith
in trust and in glee
most importantly in reality

you think people strain you
but you have been straining me and quite a lot of others who has been trying to solve or at least ease some of your problems
the supportive ones
trying to put you on the right track of the society
it may not be the truth or the best trail
but it is absolutely the most common road on which
those you thought who had offended you
those who were bent by you because of your deformed mind
and me
walk on
for most of us have good intentions
we want you good
we do you good

and insensibility and emotions and insanity in you destruct all

it is strenuous to reform a deformed being
it has been insanely tiring

none of us is obliged to take care this piece of shit

it is shit
i think you would admit

fix yourself if you could

seriously
it is easy to be less helpful and stay away from stinky stuff
what do i lose other than an insensible friend?
i have never expected the day when we switch roles and you play the middleman the comforter the mediator.
the road is long
im near exhaustion

at the brim of giving up a piece of shit

Geez i love you

maybe u really hate hearing me say this
but im truly worried
wants label not
wants worry not
but i cant help it

after a year
or maybe two
cause last year i could not make to see you before i depart
you have changed quite a bit
physically

the
uncertainty of how it may turn out
what it will develop into
for better or for worse
regardless

uncertainty itself
meaning the inability to grip
is terrifying
puts one at stake

please hold on
please be positive
please be cheered
please take extremely good care of yourself
for yourself and for all of us around who cares and loves
infinitely

how can one believe in karma.

it hurts when u said u played cripple
this is absolutely no fun

Geez i love you

summer night at 0133

爸說
不要無病呻吟

不錯
作為嬌生慣養的小女
我會因極小事覺得
煩
厭
氣
悶
鬱
惱

改改改改改改
不掉
固執與堅持

無理與不
社會容下否

總想往外跑

近月坐西鐵常見到
this train is going to lo
心裡多渴望是lo.ndon
其實係
lo wu
呼不出
喚不來
大不列
日不落國在心中
在牆上的地圖

好一幅叫人嚮往的畫
夢兒眼睛就立刻帶我起飛吧

竟然曾有兩秒莫明的希冀

wonders if anyone ever pays attention to my ringtone
that is pretty much what i always tell myself

...

was reading an article about food break
that is not eating for perhaps 30 hours or so
so then toxins in your body would come out

biological break
inspires an psychological recess
i wish i could have one a week long

...

havent meditated for a long time
i guess being alone
be out of touch with internet or calls work
my candle is ready

mein liebes und verrücktes Labyrinth

so doubtful so uncertain so uneasy and unsure
known as cowardice?
or being realistic and practical?
again uncertain

but what on earth is certain.

driving into superstition
childishly looking for whatever to approve, support and sustain the development of
frightfully and hopefully
and
uncertainly

after all tiringly and exhaustingly


sillily unworthingly ridiculously
the worst possible direction leading to you desired destination.
your destination at all an uncertainty.

einfache Antwort:
Ich verstehe nicht mein Herz, in dem die Realität und der Traum kampft
Immer noch ein verrücktes Labyrinth

almost a tsunami

let me blow my compliments away
be it green leaves or pages of a book
only be stirred
momentarily
hop and dance in swirling air
compose a tornado waltzing in harmony
swing and twist
turn and burn
combustion desolates not fibers but suspension of awkwardness
my heart leaps no more upon flashes of morning stars
autumn leaves thrive into crimson bloom

the canopy stays still to provide shade from my burning sun
whilst i have learnt how to live in a juggle of your legacy
under layers of compassionate leaves
among the ocean of books and pages
be binded with the soul of your nature

be it music or geography
science or astronomy
captured in photography
i am all ready to be impressed
only yet to adjust my responses
i thought you would not know how hard it could be
but i have started to like it

hesitantly lifting my limb to step forth
aber doch zufriedlich

雅俗人共賞書

冒黃太的名處理家事
在12樓等著
讀twocolds的第1本書
setting不濫
所謂低學歷的人寫witty的對答
有趣的人
真實的人
都是半雅半俗的人遇著世俗的人

曰
大雅不苦
大俗不苦
半雅半俗的人最苦

其實我好奇
世上真有
大雅
大俗
的人嗎?

從來半黑半白
從來半雅半俗

two cold cheers

han han amuses
so charismatic
i almost blushed
couldnt help sitting up
glimpsing him through the numerous gigantic cameras

ahahahaha...
alright
i dont fan him just because of his face
but his boldness
andfrankness
that has almost been lost
in
modern socialist china
commercial
and covertly corrupted hong kong
partly

he was asked if he would love to immigrate
just to be in a country where he can freely speak his heart
where he can have more children
or go to places easier
and he firmly turned the offer down
saying
brilliantly
that we ought to change and liberate our country
instead of abandoning it
and flee for a better place

this is like
when your family has a problem
you dont just give it up
shatter it
and pursuit a new family

i love his pure patriotism
which is not about the party, not about the government
but a true attachment to the land

two cold cheers

p.s.
i was to go to
從改編《酒徒》說起 – 談文學與電影的關係 with 也斯 and 黃國兆
, but then i made a mistake and attended 我們的六十年代 with 胡洪俠 朱天心 馬家輝

the two men were humourous and fun hahaha
and i got those teasers which they thought 80er babies wouldnt get :]
yay
i would be fun to read mao's red book

revolution vs. reformation

radically thoroughly courageous and selfless
can bloodshed be ever for good?
pathetically helpless stands or collapses subjectivity or objectivity
pulled down all at once manifests the parable slash theory
all or nothing
flight or fright
a bird aviates with its vibe

reformation be sound enough
lacking ingredients be motivation and violence
undercharged gives low intensity
hysteria essential or not
uncertainty feebly true
it rules and concludes

rationality constitutes both
revolution and reformation
appreciate the paradoxical oxymoron
liberal conservative, from david cameron.

tribute to sun yat sen
&
reflection on hk politics.

who is being pragmatic
who is being realistic
beides
alas

Lamas mit Hüten [german Fandub]

haven't been so miserable in quite a while
this evening i thought i did not want to live

the dissatisfaction towards the society
the fear for living in vain
the angst for death

disorientation is killing
but i would rather be disoriented than to be blinded
i reassure myself this in the slightest solace

i yearn for trips and dreams
i curse the reality
again in vain



and my scar treatment has been incredibly painful and costly
my intuition told me that i should have left it the way it was
now bothersome but hopefully effective

i can only hold on to mere hoping now

and this shit
2 or 3 times a week the bitch bombs me with her shit
back off shut up bitch
hypocrites and businesses drowning the world



now corporeally back in reality i have little say over my life
they are shattering my intuition shattering my soul pushing their grip up my neck
my fucking family takes power over me
fuck you my caring and loving dearies
fuck me for not adapting fuck me i don't want to adapt at all
fuck this world fuck the system

pardon my fucking curses but i am all fucked up
this place this life and all components are all fucked up

ganz einfach

i don't want to live at this moment

the way to love my not so lovable city

see it through the sunglasses of a tourist :D
capture its little things with your camera
listen to the whispers of the street and the wind

look at the common sky and the stars
to connect to the cities 6 and 12 hours behind
search for any tiny bits of your race

appreciate but not adapt to its distinguishable tempo of life
live at the speed you think
but study others living their ways

pretend that you do not speak or understand its language
find your language like german on the street
be excited when you encounter someone from home

treat your family as your new friends
you can keep some distance from them
and only disclose more if you want to

find your old food like guacamole and yogurt and sourdough bread
stick to your veggie eat style
eat the way you think you would

starrrrrrrrr gazing

greek or chinese
deities or common folks
dots that glow
nourish thoughts to grow

regardless their names they show

creativity spanning across eras
passing along through tongues and ears
laser beam conducting an orchestra
celesta tearing her glottis from afar

a music to waltz

dots connection
a child's game to enjoy
density however
allows a rebellious splash of fantasies

intensely she draws into ecstasy

myths and fables
legends and fairy tales
histories or stories
battle for glories

why would i
when life could be so simply gleeful?

epic night star gazing with fish

Post to share: Railing at a Money-Mad World

Shakey's The Merchant of Venice starring Al Pacino!!!

http://theater.nytimes.com/2010/07/01/theater/reviews/01merchant.html?ex=1293595200&en=3832d8f9934b83c6&ei=5087&WT.mc_id=TH-D-I-NYT-MOD-MOD-M156-ROS-0710-HDR&WT.mc_ev=click

one of my few loved Shakespearean plays with one of my favourite hollywooders :DD

ich glaube nicht,
dass ich genau weiß,
welchen Weg zu nehmen:
ob diese Umstände mir gefällt oder nicht.

ich habe auch gebrochen,
meine Beziehung mit Frau Zeit.
Muse hat mir gesagt,
was Lesen betont:
wie man angenehm mit sich sein kann,
während das Kino ein ganz verschiedenartige Aktivität ist,
die einfach die Zeit mordet.

ich stimme nicht total dazu.
Denn ich Vorteile aus Kino ziehe und ich abwerte nie Kino.
Aber das ist ganz richtig, man lernt, wie man von sich und von Freizeit handelt.

Johnny Tillotson - Rhythm Of The Rain

the water is bitter
my heart is low
the noises are loud
my eyes are crystallising
reflection

the language annoys
my head is spinning
the people are angry
the world is insane
mutation

the clock is ticking
people shit as usual
stuff sucks as usual
i complain as usual
cynicism

no its only
cynicism on hong kong
so its not quite universal

i want to fastforward to emigration
what is wrong with me

Irgendetwas, ich nicht bin.

Ich habe heute im Unterricht gesagt, dass es mir schwer fällt, meine Lebensziele zu finden.
Und es besonders schwer ist, when man in Hong Kong lebt.
Ich will frei sein, Ich will neu und unterschiedlich sein. Irgendetwas, ich nicht bin.
Irgendetwas, ich nicht bin.

mama heung ha

廣州海珠区河南馬涌橋汇津桥
will be there.

reaction to multi.facetedness

monofaceted
or nonofaceted
be it

better said a blubber mass of infinite possibility

could be anything
anything or nothing at all
funny phase of Nothing but at All
or allness wholeness fullness manifest nothingness vanity and desolation
absentmindedly well said

if there isnt even a choice
be it be problemless
of indecisiveness
be what be it
.

scholarly a possibility
as a matter of fact have i confidence
while guilt
another issue be it
flow and go

or the majority trend
be it be low be normal and humble

at crossroad asks
when sinks the blubber.

post to share: 38年歷史謊言終戳破

「38年歷史謊言終戳破」 英兵殺手無寸鐵北愛平民 調查報告為死者平反
(明報)2010年6月17日 星期四 05:10
【明報專訊】一場軍人血腥鎮壓，手無寸鐵平民被殘殺，事後當局還誣衊死傷者是槍手。死者家屬爭取平反多年，不得要領。要說的並非中國，而是英國 。1972年1月30日，一班手無寸鐵的民眾，在北愛爾蘭 城市倫敦 德里示威，抗議當局未經審訊囚禁懷疑愛爾蘭共和軍成員，英兵向民眾開槍，造成13死17傷。事隔38年，英國政府終發表調查報告，還死傷者清白並致歉。死者沉冤得雪，家屬都高呼「謊言終於戳破」。

這次調查是前首相貝理雅 1998年為北愛和談鋪路而下令展開的。法官薩維爾（Lord Saville）經過長達12年調查，長達5000頁的北愛「血腥星期日」調查報告終於周二出爐。倫敦德里千計居民周二聚集市政廳外，觀看首相卡梅倫公布調查結果的直播。英軍長期辯稱，當年死傷者都是槍手，士兵只是自衛還擊。但卡梅倫周二終承認，當年開槍是「不合法和無理的」（Unjustified and unjustifiable），並歸咎英軍，指士兵向手無寸鐵及逃走中的示威者開槍，並一直撒謊隱瞞真相。他稱對調查結果感到震驚，並說﹕「我代表國家致以深切歉意。」

卡梅倫代表英國致深切歉意

當日首個中槍倒下的，是17歲少年達迪（Jackie Duddy），他背部中槍身亡。他的妹妹凱爾（Kay Duddy）當年只有8歲。她周二抓著當時用來幫哥哥抹血的手帕，激動地說﹕「真是難以置信，我實在非常高興。我從來不敢想像有英國首相會站在國會前，說出『血腥星期日』的真相。卡梅倫向世界宣布達迪及其他死傷者是無辜的，他們今天終沉冤得雪。」

19歲弟弟被殺的納什（Kate Nash）說﹕「38年前，（英國政府）傳遍全球的是這樣的故事﹕我們的街道出現槍手和炸彈襲擊者，他們被射殺。今天，謊言終被戳破。」父親在躲避槍彈時被射殺的多爾蒂（Tony Doherty）說﹕「不合法和無理，我們自1972年1月30日便等著聽這兩個詞。」英軍一直指他父親被殺時攜槍，但今次調查則憑他死前的相片證實，他根本沒有槍。

從後開槍射殺逃跑示威者

這次調查推翻了英國政府1972年所作的調查結果，當年調查揚言英軍只是遇襲還擊，「有強烈理由」懷疑部分死傷者曾向士兵開槍和投擲炸彈，並把傷亡歸咎於「非法示威」的發起組織，指若非他們非法集會，就不會造成衝突。

最新報告則為死傷者平反，指他們全都沒對士兵構成威脅，反而英軍開了第一槍後，更向著那些明顯在逃及照顧傷者的人開槍。報告亦對英軍作出新指控，指士兵向一名22歲少年雷（James Wray）連開兩槍﹕中第一槍時他正在逃走，但他倒地後英軍再向他開槍，令他一命嗚呼。報告稱，一些士兵開槍時明知示威者手無寸鐵，但可能認為示威者就是愛爾蘭共和軍分子，因此是合法射擊目標。報告稱，其中一名死者17歲的多納吉（Gerald Donaghey）是愛爾蘭共和軍少年團成員，身上有4枚鐵釘土製炸彈，但他被射殺時正逃走，對士兵未構成威脅。「血腥星期日」爭取公義者一直指他身上的炸彈是英軍插贓嫁禍，來證明開槍有理。

http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/100616/4/inyd.html

Nur ein Wort

post to share: just a little northwest from home

despite the arguable title...this is our world in chaos.

Stalin's harvest
What lies behind the violence in Kyrgyzstan
Jun 14th 2010 | ALMATY


CLASHES in southern Kyrgyzstan have spiraled out of control. Thus far 118 people have been confirmed dead, a further 1,500 as injured, and tens of thousands of ethnic Uzbeks have fled to neighbouring Uzbekistan. The number of those killed over the past four days are without a doubt significantly higher than these estimates suggest. Local Muslim custom requires that the dead are buried within 24 hours. Many people are burying family members immediately without registering their deaths.

Although Uzbeks make up only 15% of Kyrgyzstan’s population of 5.4m, most of them live in the southern part of the country, where they make up the majority. The Fergana Valley, where most of the killing happened, was divided arbitrarily by Stalin in the 1920s among Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan. As a result, the Kyrgyz Soviet republic was left with a sizeable Uzbek population, the Uzbek Soviet republic with a Tajik population, and so on. While the Soviet Union existed and the republics were part of the same country, this made little practical difference. But when the Soviet Union fell apart, these artificially created borders became final, separating newly independent states and fomenting ethnic tensions.

The interim government has been powerless to put an end to the violence. Roza Otunbayeva, the acting president said that the country needed outside help and appealed to Russia to send peacekeeping troops. Security officers were given shoot-to-kill orders. The Russian government initially responded that the violence was an internal affair for Kyrgyzstan to handle on its own and agreed only to send humanitarian aid. A day later Russia dispatched paratroopers to secure its Kant military base in the northern part of the country. The United States also has an air base in the north, but has not been invited to intervene with its military forces.


Related items
Correspondent's diary: Among the president's men
Apr 21st 2010
The cause of the rampage involving Kyrgyz and ethnic Uzbeks, which began in Osh, Kyrgyzstan’s second-largest city, remains unclear. Observers believe that the events were orchestrated by individuals taking advantage of long-standing tensions between the two ethnic groups. The interim government has blamed ex-president Kurmanbek Bakiyev and his supporters. It says they instigated the unrest to prevent a national referendum on its proposal for a new constitution, which was scheduled to be held on June 27th. Mr Bakiyev, who was ousted in a popular uprising in April and now lives in exile, has rejected the charge.

This wave of violence has been shaped by politics. Mr Bakiyev hails from the south of the country. His stronghold was in Jalal-Abad, where he still has many supporters. Ethnic Uzbeks, who play almost no role in Kyrgyzstan’s public life—whether in government, regional administrations, or the military—have tended to prefer the interim government, which has set its sights on turning Kyrgyzstan away from authoritarian presidential rule to a parliamentary republic.

Whatever the cause, the fighting between ethnic Kyrgyz and Uzbeks has been ferocious. Some eye witnesses claim that the army, which consists mainly of ethnic Kyrgyz, has sided with its kin. Violence spread to Jalal-Abad over the weekend. Although atrocities appear to have been committed by both sides, the Kyrgyz quickly gained the upper hand. Uzbek houses have been looted and set on fire—plumes of smoke are visible for many miles around—women have reportedly been raped, and armed Kyrgyz gangs have been harassing and shooting at Uzbeks. Gas was shut off in much of Osh, as was electricity in some quarters. Shops have been ransacked and food has become scarce.

Many ethnic Uzbeks, mostly women, children and the elderly, have fled the city to the nearby border with Uzbekistan, looking for safety. According to official Uzbek figures, 32,000 people have so far crossed the border and now live in make-shift tents. Unofficially, at least 75,000 people are believed to have fled the country. An NGO based in Uzbekistan says that there are already more than 200,000 Uzbek refugees sheltering there.

“It is a human-rights disaster in every respect,” says Andrea Berg, a researcher with Human Rights Watch, a New York-based organisation, who happened to be in Osh when the rioting started. She says she received many desperate phone calls from people unable to get out of the city because of blockades erected by Kyrgyz gangs. Those Uzbek women and children who made it are now gathering in different villages along the border and do not know what has happened to their husbands, brothers and fathers.

The current clashes are the worst ethnic violence in Central Asia in 20 years. In June 1990 clashes between Kyrgyz and ethnic Uzbeks in the Osh region left several hundred people dead. That conflict was resolved through the quick deployment of Soviet troops. Its suppression was enforced by Askar Akayev, who ruled as Kyrgyzstan's president until 2005, when the “tulip revolution” saw him replaced by Mr Bakiyev.

http://www.economist.com/node/16364484?story_id=16364484&source=most_commented

=]

einfach verlässlich bist du.

ich freue mich darüber.

doch ich muss zurückziehen.

lass uns langsam zu laufen.

um die Wanderung zu genießen.

mit Liebe schreibe ich.

Deutsche Grammatik: die Ordnung des Kasuses

how is German grammar ridiculous:

dative noun comes before the accusative noun.
example: ich gebe meiner Schwester das Bonbon. (I give my sister the candy.)

however, when one of the nouns is replaced by its respective pronoun, the pronoun, regardless of its case, comes first.
example: ich gebe es meiner Schwester. (I give it (to) my sister.) or ich gebe ihr das Bonbon (I give her the candy).

if both nouns are replaced by their respective pronouns, accusative pronoun comes first.
example: ich gebe es ihr. (I give it (to) her.)

in love with German complicacy.

Meiner Tag in Hamburg

Gestern habe ich Hamburg besucht.
Allein auf dem Zug war ich ganz aufgeregt.
hmm
ich liebe kurze, einsame Fahrt.

Ich wurde gesagt, dass Hamburg ganz ähnlich wie Düsseldorf war.
Das stimme ich jetzt nicht zu.
Hamburg ist sehr viel großer und schöner als Düsseldorf.
Noch bleiben da viele klassischen Gebäude wie das Rathaus und die viele unterschiedlichen Kirchen.

Zuerst ging ich auf dem Mönckebergstraße spazieren, durch die sah ich viele Geschäfte der internationalen und lokalen Marken, und durch die Straßenkünstler etwas aufführen. Es gibt immer das selbstgemalte Fotomodell, das gefroren scheint, und nur sich bewegen, wenn jemand mit ihm ein Foto machen willt und ihn Geld gibt. Dann gibt es der wunderbare Musiker, der immer interessantes Instrument spielt. Einfach und simplistisch aber oft nett und rhythmisch.

Am Ende der Straße blickt man das Rathaus, das absolut beeindruckend ist. Persönlich finde ich das das untereinander das Beste ist. Ich mag besonders das grüne Dach, auf das eine goldgelde Uhr stellt. Ich bin unsicher, von welcher Periode die Gebäude stammt. Aber diese Stil kann man in meiner Heimat nie anschauen.

Auf der rechten Seite des Rathauses beginnt sich die Jungfernstieg, deren der originale Zweck sehr lustig ist. Es war die Orte, die reichen Mutter ihren Töchter brachten, denn die potenziellen Männer der Töchter konnten ihren sehen. Deswegen habe ich auch auf einen Teil der Stieg gelaufen. Egal.

Dann kam ich den Gäsemarkt an, wo ich altmodische Laden gefunden habe. Ich erinnerte mich wieder an die gute Zeit in London, als ich mit dem Brille der Zeit von James Joyce trug. Süße Erinnerung!

Der nächste Ort habe ich sehr kompliziert gedacht. Ich wollte da gehen aber ich habe Angst, weil da vielleicht nicht so sicher ist: Sankt Pauli. Der Ort ist bekannt dafür, der auch die sündige Meile heißt. Die wichtigen Sehenswürdigkeiten des Orts sind die vielen Nachtclubs, Bars und Diskotheken. Also war ich da. Trotz die zahlreichen Sexgeschäften war es ganz normal wenn die Sonne noch scheint. Vordem habe ich auch die Messe und den Fernsehenturm gesehen. Die Messe seht wie der Flughafen von Hong Kong aus und den Fernsehenturm kann man nicht aufsteigen... Aber der ist auch toll!

Sankt Pauli ist in der Nähe von Schanzenviertel und Karolinenviertel, die beide Wohnbezirk sind. Noch einmal sah ich da Bücher-, CD- und antiquität-markt. Eine junge Frau schrie immer: ´billiger billiger billiger billiger billiger billiger billiger...´ hahaha! Fast lachte ich.

Schließlich nahm ich die U Bahn um Fluss Elbe zu besuchen. Fluss Elbe ist hübsch! Während viele Leute und Lyriker meistens sich auf Donau und Rhein fokussieren, liebe ich Elbe! Gestern war das Wetter ziemlich gut! Dafür genoss ich so gut! Ich mag auch die Schiffe, die enorm und massig aber auch ´ehrwürdig´ sind. Da Hamburg um Elbe liegt, war die Stadt ein wichtiger Hafen. Der gleiche Grund erklärt, warum es so viel leckere Fische und Meeresfrüchte in Hamburg gibt. YUM. Meines Abendessen war ein Brotchen mit dem Salat und einem großen Fischfilet!

Fast halb sechs ging ich nach Hauptbahnhof zurück. Fertig war dieser wunderbare Tag.
Jetzt ist Hamburg auch meine Lieblingsstadt!

Ach! Ich habe fast vergessen zu sagen. Ich habe nur Hamburg um diese Wochenende besucht, weil ich verschlafen habe. Die geplannte Ort war Brüssel. Also wird ich Brüssel am Juni 26 besichtigen! YAY!

Bolshoi Ballet: The Nutcracker

a friend said
旅行是證實自己渺小
hands up in agreement

month in Düsseldorf half way over
tears gush with fear
feel like magma rolling down a volcano
burning in unsensual pain
wagens scratching in screeches
impatiently boiling hot
formula one of ignition and combustion
artistically dances not in fury
scientific not so artistic
where comes the stubborn binary division
perished.
failed.

or
if how
preservation
by pasticisation
pasteurisation
or mummification
the sickest of all
halt
so
unbearable
unthinkable
fits not in the imaginables
the arcade stone old cruelty
pukable
so way blocked outlet out.

in music of unreasonable tides
absorbed into this celestial of fuzziness
gone are gravity everything remained gravy
fissions
indistinguishable from
fusions
forever loss
known as
the stinkingly heavy cosmo.

listen to only waltz
friend is too dark to be endured
unbearable.
friends being knowledgeable
lovable.
fusion of Gegenteil
distinctive origins
analogous goal
homohetero analogy.
why bother

equilibrium is Quatsch

either too much
or too little

equilibrium is Quatsch.

i think i prefer its being excessive
dripping juice
wie Magma
half fluid
half solid
flows still

post to share: von 20 bis 25

如果你已經過了20歲但還不到25歲的話，你必須找到除了愛情之外，能夠使你用雙腳堅強
站在大地上的東西。你要找到謀生的方式。現在考慮不晚了。

我從來不以為學歷有什麼重要，天才都不是科班，但，不是科班，連龍套都跑不了。

你必須把那些浮如飄絮的思緒，漸漸轉化為清晰的思路和簡單的文字。
華麗和漂浮都不易長久。你要知道，給予文字閱讀快感不夠的，
內容，思想，境界，靈魂，精神和智慧，這些才重要。
不要多看那些和你一個路數的女作家的文字。不要瑣碎，無病呻吟。
不要想到什麼就寫。不要流連於小感傷和小感動。

我要你相信溫暖，美好，信任，尊嚴，堅強這些老掉牙的字眼。
我不要你頹廢，空虛，迷茫，糟踐自己，傷害別人。

我不要你把自己處理得一團糟。
節制自己的感情並且珍惜它，明白這種感情不是任何人都能要。

體驗生活，是另外一回事，並不意味著墮落和放縱。
千萬不要認同那些偽裝的酷和另類。
他們是無事可做的人找出來放任自己無事可做的藉口，真正的酷是在內心。
你要有強大的內心。

要有任憑時間流逝，不會磨折和屈服的信念。
不是因為在學校的象牙塔中，才說出我愛世界這樣的話，
是知道外面的黑，髒，醜陋之後，還要說出這樣的話。

好好去愛，去生活。青春如此短暫，不要歎老。
偶爾可以停下來休息，但是別蹲下來張望。
走了一條路的時候，記得別回頭看。時不時問問自己，自己在幹嘛?
傷心和委屈的時候，要嚎啕大哭。哭完洗完臉，拍拍自己的臉，擠出一個微笑給自己看。
不要揉，否則第二天早上會眼睛腫。

給自己一個遠大的前程和目標。記得常常仰望天空。記住仰望天空的時候也看看腳下。
任何時候，任何人問你，有過多少次戀愛，答案是兩次。

一次是他愛我，我不愛他。一次是我愛他，他不愛我。
好的愛情永遠在下一次。別給同一個人兩次傷害你的機會。

不要與浪子，文藝青年交往，別和沒心沒肺的人在一起，別和沒有正當職業混日子的人在
一起。別把犯賤當真愛。一個人作踐自己來取悅你的時候，千萬不要因此感動。
一個男人的煙頭燙在他身上，下一個就可能燙在你身上。
同樣的，當這個女人的刀片割斷她的手腕，下次就可能割斷你的。

千萬別相信一個不準備將你介紹給他的朋友圈子的男人。
一個女人只肯喊你“寶貝”的時候，堅持要她喊你的名字，因為你是男人。
一個男人或者女人不再來找你的時候，就不要再去找他或者她。
不要相信在戀愛上用手段的人。分手時不要口出惡言。
吸取教訓，但不要後悔。後悔沒有用。

別去做撕照片，燒信，撕日記這樣一類三流愛情電視劇中才有人幹的事。
相信愛情。相信好男人和好女人還存在，還未婚，還在茫茫人海中尋覓你。
別說“男人(或者女人)沒一個好東西”，這樣使別人誤以為你閱人無數。

愛物質，適當地。永遠知道精神更重要。
比起那些名錶，名牌，時裝，更加美麗的是勤奮而有朝氣的你自己。
如果你20歲以後所花的每一分錢還都是伸手向父母親人要來的，那你的滿身名牌就只能襯
托出你的無恥。別以為穿上名牌你就有品位，要知道如果沒有真正的內涵，騾子配上金鞍
也不會變成駿馬。
你還年輕，先不說開始你的事業，開創你的未來，但你已經成年，至少也要讓自己不再成
為父母的負擔，讓父母看到20年辛苦養育的希望。

無所事事只會把你變成一個廢物，一個被所有其他人鄙夷的廢物，因為這樣的你是一個不
折不扣的寄生蟲。
別以為弄個怪異的髮型，穿上不男不女的衣服，噴上刺鼻的香水，別人就會注重你，
要明白那樣招來的眼光就是別人在看一隻與眾不同的猴子。
許多有教養的人對另類的你的反感並不寫在臉上，但這種反感確鑿無疑肯定會給你帶來極
其不利的後果。

別瞧不起勞動人民。不要為勞動羞恥。土地不髒，汗味不難聞。
請尊重那些似乎生活狀況不如你，但仍然用自己的雙手誠實勞動養家糊口的人，因為這樣
才是尊重自己。永遠體恤那些生活在底層的人們，因為我們的親人就是在這些人群中。
我們不嬌貴。我們必須能夠自己養活自己，這是你的尊嚴所在。

不要小看一分錢。不妨自己去掙掙看。做人有時要強悍一點，被欺負的時候，一定要討回
來！但是不要記恨。小人之見，隨他們去好了。有原則的寬容和憐憫，會使你高貴。
有小心機的女生是可愛的，但別把這種心計用在勾心鬥角上，那樣會很累。
做人不要太高調，高調容易招惹是非。
但也不能太低調，該強悍時則強悍，但切不可咄咄逼人。

被朋友傷害了的時候，別懷疑友情，但提防背叛你的人。原諒，但並不遺忘。
做人存幾分天真童心，對朋友保持一些俠義之情。要快樂，要開朗，要堅韌，要溫暖。
這和性格無關。但你要忠誠，勤奮，要真誠的尊重別人，這樣你的人生才不會黑暗。

寬待自己，也寬待別人。當你不會因為小小的不如意小小的事而生氣或難過的時候，
你會輕鬆很多。

要原諒這個世界和自己。
要告訴自己，我值得擁有最好的一切。

been so at a loss
too much going on
i need time on my own
Zeit für mich

im missing the little meditation time
not quite alone
but feel all at ease
why cant i do this on my own?

Mein altes Fragen:
Was ist Leben?
Wie solle ich leben?

ugh

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
Ich wird wieder glücklich sein, wenn eine Freundin von mir mir ein lustiges Ding sagt. Freunden sind am besten!

Liebe ich Shakespeare und Oscar Wilde oder Kindheit? Beide!

Herzlichen Dank.

party in lau, combat with names

i smell home on the way to lauriger library
at the exact temperature
the wind embraces
stroked is my skin
smashed is es nicht
'is it a kiss?'
ich frage mich
'it is a gift from home'
ich glaube dich
asserted

second last night of mz life in georgetown
i party in lau
am i ready to pull an allnighter?

weeee i whistle
so not ready to read but type and sneak and browse and seek
:)
this weird satisfaction from nowhere

i actually am emotional

facebook
facebook
facebook
and going back to map

ridiculous names to remember include:

ukranian
viktor yanukovych
viktor yushchenko
yulia tymoshenko

georgian
mikheil saakashvili

kazakhstanian
nursultan nazarbayev

indian
aksai chin

iranians
ayatollah ruhollah khomeini
ayatollah ali khamenei
mahmoud ahmadinejad
mir hossein moussavi

saudi arabian
king ibn saud

well well well well well...
and those ridiculous georgraphical names..........................
i wish everyone on earth uses the same language, namely, german (well, or chinese ha!). but i protest against english imperialism.

*** ohhh how would i forget. i did not hug steve asoli (let see if u will ever read this. haha google yourself!) goodbye this afternoon :( a wonderful friend i doubt if i will ever see again :( alllll the best!!!

looking at pictures of a friend's birthday present, which is a string slash banner decoration of photos and messages, i was reminded of the album i made for my last dear friend, with whom i have broken up. well. but i am now truely impressed by how much effort i put into making that shit!!! so i could be that artistic!!! it was truely epic. i was just thinking he would not want it now (i suppose...), would he mind giving it back to me?! just for appreciation purpose. or i can take pictures of it and return it to him. ROFLLLL. so when u are truly in love, you invest so much time that u would not believe!!! this is truly whimsical!!!! EPIC effort sort of irretrievable. weiwei pl/i:/s :D

goddamit, why cant i focus on my revision. exam in 15 hours!!!

btw, pop is sitting right next to me. has asked for a paper and a pencil LOLLLL. nice blonde hair.

really want to try just stay by the computer for like 1 whole day. and type down whatever comes to mind. i can write a book by just thinking (so can everyone!)

SHIT! alright, time to work... SERIOUSLY!!! darn!

...
what the hell...
feeling a little ill at 6 in the morning.
was it the mocha?
was it the pretzel?
was it the cheese pastry weirdo? (i thought that yellow gel was custard...)
was it the goddamn smoke from pop?
should i take a nap/ sleep or hold on?
will i have enough time to revise tmr morning/ afternoon?
i will have to pack too damn.
i have missed the last night i sleep with that real thick comfortable duck feaether blanket...want to bring it home but home maybe too hot for it
was it the water?
want to pukkkkkke...
helllllllp!
5 chapters + geography identification to gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SHit

wants to give up on africa...
my stomach is roaring like a Loewe, shouting at me. telling me to stop torturing myself.
RRRRRRR i think its the water...
and i havent looked at the map yet. screw me...

this little something in the last last week

know that i will not concentrate unless i type this little something.

german exam in 21 hours, maps in 47
flight departs in 77 YOHO!

why would i choose denver...well.

neither am ready for the exams nor the trip

am already missing my roommate, and a couple of friends
feel bad not even asking to meet some of them
my bad

loves confusing ambiguity and ambivalence
goal is to keep things simple and flexible

have been troubled by life itself
still unsure how to live

realising my minimality i am discouraged
have become a real existentialist
all mere outcomes of chances?
maybe i will be better when im back home

am changing being influenced
hm, want to be part of the revolution. want to vote on sunday.

doubt if my german will ever be put into use

sonnet on time/ weblog revision

impulse to shut this down ignited
as i slipped my fingers through the pages
previous entries of emotions slighted
as i fearfully review those ages

nights are those that bygone which bygone
day numerous is afore the presence
lost were hope i stagger to mourn
bewailing in air my favourite incense

fond of sniffing i retain the rue
sensing perversity i abandon the truth
letdropping my eyelids i no longer rule
deemed a fool my head came cool

shrew to be tamed tame not a shrew
who is a shrew to disapprove

活

其實係很簡單的吧.
肯講一下
問題就唔再係問題了.

尋日kasonde問我生命中有幾多可以trust with life的人.
想一想.
先說: 1個.
再想: 3個?
確認: 3個.
當然都係最親最愛的家人

再想.
朋友沒有一個可以trust with life?
嗯
好似的確係冇一個我咩都會講的所謂密蜜朋
不過
我好相信我的朋友都係do me for good的.
and vice versa
既然都係全心會為對方著想的話.
佢唔會害你的話.
就算係trust with life 吧.
數一下.
其實都有唔少.

好幸福.

另記
大前晚星期一meditation
噢
我一定會好想念在anne elisabeth度 meditate的時光.
其實冇諗出D咩大道理
一合眼一係就計自己仲有幾都野要做要趕D問題要點處理
唔係就係一片空白.俾微小的聲音牽引.然後進入半睡眠狀態.
無論點都好.
perfect break from life.
冇錯.
就係舒服暢懷得唔似生命的一部分.

只需要冷靜沉默的半句鐘

只剩下一個星期在georgetown.
只剩下19日就到屋企!!
25日就到德國.

投入努力活吧.

另記.
讀hopkins同commentshk很過癮.

STEPHEN HAWKING: How to build a time machine: post to share

All you need is a wormhole, the Large Hadron Collider or a rocket that goes really, really fast

'Through the wormhole, the scientist can see himself as he was one minute ago. But what if our scientist uses the wormhole to shoot his earlier self? He's now dead. So who fired the shot?'
Hello. My name is Stephen Hawking. Physicist, cosmologist and something of a dreamer. Although I cannot move and I have to speak through a computer, in my mind I am free. Free to explore the universe and ask the big questions, such as: is time travel possible? Can we open a portal to the past or find a shortcut to the future? Can we ultimately use the laws of nature to become masters of time itself?
Time travel was once considered scientific heresy. I used to avoid talking about it for fear of being labelled a crank. But these days I'm not so cautious. In fact, I'm more like the people who built Stonehenge. I'm obsessed by time. If I had a time machine I'd visit Marilyn Monroe in her prime or drop in on Galileo as he turned his telescope to the heavens. Perhaps I'd even travel to the end of the universe to find out how our whole cosmic story ends.
To see how this might be possible, we need to look at time as physicists do - at the fourth dimension. It's not as hard as it sounds. Every attentive schoolchild knows that all physical objects, even me in my chair, exist in three dimensions. Everything has a width and a height and a length.
But there is another kind of length, a length in time. While a human may survive for 80 years, the stones at Stonehenge, for instance, have stood around for thousands of years. And the solar system will last for billions of years. Everything has a length in time as well as space. Travelling in time means travelling through this fourth dimension.
To see what that means, let's imagine we're doing a bit of normal, everyday car travel. Drive in a straight line and you're travelling in one dimension. Turn right or left and you add the second dimension. Drive up or down a twisty mountain road and that adds height, so that's travelling in all three dimensions. But how on Earth do we travel in time? How do we find a path through the fourth dimension?
Let's indulge in a little science fiction for a moment. Time travel movies often feature a vast, energy-hungry machine. The machine creates a path through the fourth dimension, a tunnel through time. A time traveller, a brave, perhaps foolhardy individual, prepared for who knows what, steps into the time tunnel and emerges who knows when. The concept may be far-fetched, and the reality may be very different from this, but the idea itself is not so crazy.
Physicists have been thinking about tunnels in time too, but we come at it from a different angle. We wonder if portals to the past or the future could ever be possible within the laws of nature. As it turns out, we think they are. What's more, we've even given them a name: wormholes. The truth is that wormholes are all around us, only they're too small to see. Wormholes are very tiny. They occur in nooks and crannies in space and time. You might find it a tough concept, but stay with me.
Enlarge
A wormhole is a theoretical 'tunnel' or shortcut, predicted by Einstein's theory of relativity, that links two places in space-time - visualised above as the contours of a 3-D map, where negative energy pulls space and time into the mouth of a tunnel, emerging in another universe. They remain only hypothetical, as obviously nobody has ever seen one, but have been used in films as conduits for time travel - in Stargate (1994), for example, involving gated tunnels between universes, and in Time Bandits (1981), where their locations are shown on a celestial map
Nothing is flat or solid. If you look closely enough at anything you'll find holes and wrinkles in it. It's a basic physical principle, and it even applies to time. Even something as smooth as a pool ball has tiny crevices, wrinkles and voids. Now it's easy to show that this is true in the first three dimensions. But trust me, it's also true of the fourth dimension. There are tiny crevices, wrinkles and voids in time. Down at the smallest of scales, smaller even than molecules, smaller than atoms, we get to a place called the quantum foam. This is where wormholes exist. Tiny tunnels or shortcuts through space and time constantly form, disappear, and reform within this quantum world. And they actually link two separate places and two different times.
Unfortunately, these real-life time tunnels are just a billion-trillion-trillionths of a centimetre across. Way too small for a human to pass through - but here's where the notion of wormhole time machines is leading. Some scientists think it may be possible to capture a wormhole and enlarge it many trillions of times to make it big enough for a human or even a spaceship to enter.
Given enough power and advanced technology, perhaps a giant wormhole could even be constructed in space. I'm not saying it can be done, but if it could be, it would be a truly remarkable device. One end could be here near Earth, and the other far, far away, near some distant planet.
Theoretically, a time tunnel or wormhole could do even more than take us to other planets. If both ends were in the same place, and separated by time instead of distance, a ship could fly in and come out still near Earth, but in the distant past. Maybe dinosaurs would witness the ship coming in for a landing.
The fastest manned vehicle in history was Apollo 10. It reached 25,000mph. But to travel in time we'll have to go more than 2,000 times faster
Now, I realise that thinking in four dimensions is not easy, and that wormholes are a tricky concept to wrap your head around, but hang in there. I've thought up a simple experiment that could reveal if human time travel through a wormhole is possible now, or even in the future. I like simple experiments, and champagne.
So I've combined two of my favourite things to see if time travel from the future to the past is possible.
Let's imagine I'm throwing a party, a welcome reception for future time travellers. But there's a twist. I'm not letting anyone know about it until after the party has happened. I've drawn up an invitation giving the exact coordinates in time and space. I am hoping copies of it, in one form or another, will be around for many thousands of years. Maybe one day someone living in the future will find the information on the invitation and use a wormhole time machine to come back to my party, proving that time travel will, one day, be possible.
In the meantime, my time traveller guests should be arriving any moment now. Five, four, three, two, one. But as I say this, no one has arrived. What a shame. I was hoping at least a future Miss Universe was going to step through the door. So why didn't the experiment work? One of the reasons might be because of a well-known problem with time travel to the past, the problem of what we call paradoxes.
Paradoxes are fun to think about. The most famous one is usually called the Grandfather paradox. I have a new, simpler version I call the Mad Scientist paradox.
I don't like the way scientists in movies are often described as mad, but in this case, it's true. This chap is determined to create a paradox, even if it costs him his life. Imagine, somehow, he's built a wormhole, a time tunnel that stretches just one minute into the past.

Hawking in a scene from Star Trek with dinner guests from the past, and future: (from left) Albert Einstein, Data and Isaac Newton
Through the wormhole, the scientist can see himself as he was one minute ago. But what if our scientist uses the wormhole to shoot his earlier self? He's now dead. So who fired the shot? It's a paradox. It just doesn't make sense. It's the sort of situation that gives cosmologists nightmares.
This kind of time machine would violate a fundamental rule that governs the entire universe - that causes happen before effects, and never the other way around. I believe things can't make themselves impossible. If they could then there'd be nothing to stop the whole universe from descending into chaos. So I think something will always happen that prevents the paradox. Somehow there must be a reason why our scientist will never find himself in a situation where he could shoot himself. And in this case, I'm sorry to say, the wormhole itself is the problem.
In the end, I think a wormhole like this one can't exist. And the reason for that is feedback. If you've ever been to a rock gig, you'll probably recognise this screeching noise. It's feedback. What causes it is simple. Sound enters the microphone. It's transmitted along the wires, made louder by the amplifier, and comes out at the speakers. But if too much of the sound from the speakers goes back into the mic it goes around and around in a loop getting louder each time. If no one stops it, feedback can destroy the sound system.
The same thing will happen with a wormhole, only with radiation instead of sound. As soon as the wormhole expands, natural radiation will enter it, and end up in a loop. The feedback will become so strong it destroys the wormhole. So although tiny wormholes do exist, and it may be possible to inflate one some day, it won't last long enough to be of use as a time machine. That's the real reason no one could come back in time to my party.
Any kind of time travel to the past through wormholes or any other method is probably impossible, otherwise paradoxes would occur. So sadly, it looks like time travel to the past is never going to happen. A disappointment for dinosaur hunters and a relief for historians.
But the story's not over yet. This doesn't make all time travel impossible. I do believe in time travel. Time travel to the future. Time flows like a river and it seems as if each of us is carried relentlessly along by time's current. But time is like a river in another way. It flows at diff erent speeds in diff erent places and that is the key to travelling into the future. This idea was first proposed by Albert Einstein over 100 years ago. He realised that there should be places where time slows down, and others where time speeds up. He was absolutely right. And the proof is right above our heads. Up in space.
This is the Global Positioning System, or GPS. A network of satellites is in orbit around Earth. The satellites make satellite navigation possible. But they also reveal that time runs faster in space than it does down on Earth. Inside each spacecraft is a very precise clock. But despite being so accurate, they all gain around a third of a billionth of a second every day. The system has to correct for the drift, otherwise that tiny di fference would upset the whole system, causing every GPS device on Earth to go out by about six miles a day. You can just imagine the mayhem that that would cause.
The problem doesn't lie with the clocks. They run fast because time itself runs faster in space than it does down below. And the reason for this extraordinary e ffect is the mass of the Earth. Einstein realised that matter drags on time and slows it down like the slow part of a river. The heavier the object, the more it drags on time. And this startling reality is what opens the door to the possibility of time travel to the future.
Right in the centre of the Milky Way, 26,000 light years from us, lies the heaviest object in the galaxy. It is a supermassive black hole containing the mass of four million suns crushed down into a single point by its own gravity. The closer you get to the black hole, the stronger the gravity. Get really close and not even light can escape. A black hole like this one has a dramatic e ffect on time, slowing it down far more than anything else in the galaxy. That makes it a natural time machine.
I like to imagine how a spaceship might be able to take advantage of this phenomenon, by orbiting it. If a space agency were controlling the mission from Earth they'd observe that each full orbit took 16 minutes. But for the brave people on board, close to this massive object, time would be slowed down. And here the e ffect would be far more extreme than the gravitational pull of Earth. The crew's time would be slowed down by half. For every 16-minute orbit, they'd only experience eight minutes of time.

Inside the Large Hadron Collider
Around and around they'd go, experiencing just half the time of everyone far away from the black hole. The ship and its crew would be travelling through time. Imagine they circled the black hole for five of their years. Ten years would pass elsewhere. When they got home, everyone on Earth would have aged five years more than they had.
So a supermassive black hole is a time machine. But of course, it's not exactly practical. It has advantages over wormholes in that it doesn't provoke paradoxes. Plus it won't destroy itself in a flash of feedback. But it's pretty dangerous. It's a long way away and it doesn't even take us very far into the future. Fortunately there is another way to travel in time. And this represents our last and best hope of building a real time machine.
You just have to travel very, very fast. Much faster even than the speed required to avoid being sucked into a black hole. This is due to another strange fact about the universe. There's a cosmic speed limit, 186,000 miles per second, also known as the speed of light. Nothing can exceed that speed. It's one of the best established principles in science. Believe it or not, travelling at near the speed of light transports you to the future.
To explain why, let's dream up a science-fiction transportation system. Imagine a track that goes right around Earth, a track for a superfast train. We're going to use this imaginary train to get as close as possible to the speed of light and see how it becomes a time machine. On board are passengers with a one-way ticket to the future. The train begins to accelerate, faster and faster. Soon it's circling the Earth over and over again.
To approach the speed of light means circling the Earth pretty fast. Seven times a second. But no matter how much power the train has, it can never quite reach the speed of light, since the laws of physics forbid it. Instead, let's say it gets close, just shy of that ultimate speed. Now something extraordinary happens. Time starts flowing slowly on board relative to the rest of the world, just like near the black hole, only more so. Everything on the train is in slow motion.
This happens to protect the speed limit, and it's not hard to see why. Imagine a child running forwards up the train. Her forward speed is added to the speed of the train, so couldn't she break the speed limit simply by accident? The answer is no. The laws of nature prevent the possibility by slowing down time onboard.
Now she can't run fast enough to break the limit. Time will always slow down just enough to protect the speed limit. And from that fact comes the possibility of travelling many years into the future.
Imagine that the train left the station on January 1, 2050. It circles Earth over and over again for 100 years before finally coming to a halt on New Year's Day, 2150. The passengers will have only lived one week because time is slowed down that much inside the train. When they got out they'd find a very diff erent world from the one they'd left. In one week they'd have travelled 100 years into the future. Of course, building a train that could reach such a speed is quite impossible. But we have built something very like the train at the world's largest particle accelerator at CERN in Geneva, Switzerland.
Deep underground, in a circular tunnel 16 miles long, is a stream of trillions of tiny particles. When the power is turned on they accelerate from zero to 60,000mph in a fraction of a second. Increase the power and the particles go faster and faster, until they're whizzing around the tunnel 11,000 times a second, which is almost the speed of light. But just like the train, they never quite reach that ultimate speed. They can only get to 99.99 per cent of the limit. When that happens, they too start to travel in time. We know this because of some extremely short-lived particles, called pi-mesons. Ordinarily, they disintegrate after just 25 billionths of a second. But when they are accelerated to near-light speed they last 30 times longer.
It really is that simple. If we want to travel into the future, we just need to go fast. Really fast. And I think the only way we're ever likely to do that is by going into space. The fastest manned vehicle in history was Apollo 10. It reached 25,000mph. But to travel in time we'll have to go more than 2,000 times faster. And to do that we'd need a much bigger ship, a truly enormous machine. The ship would have to be big enough to carry a huge amount of fuel, enough to accelerate it to nearly the speed of light. Getting to just beneath the cosmic speed limit would require six whole years at full power.
The initial acceleration would be gentle because the ship would be so big and heavy. But gradually it would pick up speed and soon would be covering massive distances. In one week it would have reached the outer planets. After two years it would reach half-light speed and be far outside our solar system. Two years later it would be travelling at 90 per cent of the speed of light. Around 30 trillion miles away from Earth, and four years after launch, the ship would begin to travel in time. For every hour of time on the ship, two would pass on Earth. A similar situation to the spaceship that orbited the massive black hole.
After another two years of full thrust the ship would reach its top speed, 99 per cent of the speed of light. At this speed, a single day on board is a whole year of Earth time. Our ship would be truly flying into the future.
The slowing of time has another benefit. It means we could, in theory, travel extraordinary distances within one lifetime. A trip to the edge of the galaxy would take just 80 years. But the real wonder of our journey is that it reveals just how strange the universe is. It's a universe where time runs at different rates in different places. Where tiny wormholes exist all around us. And where, ultimately, we might use our understanding of physics to become true voyagers through the fourth dimension.

'Stephen Hawking's Universe' begins on May 9 on Discovery Channel (HD) at 9pm


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