blanket as the witness/ bear the victim

from night zero to night seventeen the bear hug and drag
from the sofa the table and even she on her bed
across the acre field to reach and push the door without the latch
latch key invisibly secretly hang in mid-air
serve to stir the mood the air ignite heat and warm
from heel end to shoulder two third and later three forth the cool marchmallow blanket swam up
swam through and embraces
squeezes and i shivers
so satisfied gurrrrrrrrrrrr

blanket did not slip and move
sneakily trying to stir up my excitabiliy to titilate the inner impulse
what a potential threat the risk a criminal he undertakes the infernal affairs
the million worms stemmed from my hands crawl and get lost and reach lost and found
the dunkle cave in which the spirit the 20 murmurs in low voice at all times
to infect people the ever proliferating epidemic
the epic the classic the cliche story off your tooth indeed on the deed signed with blood

yayup so its until the intrusion and erosion that the drag and hug and kiss stops
comes to a halt ever embedded in hail in hell for there comes the mirage of another kisser
the forever kisser or the wizard i call him who teaches my blanket the seduction skills
from then on the blanket seduces happily ever after

so there the story ends
the bean under the mattress (to highlight the bear's fragility)
together with the spirit inside the cave
the maggots ever reproducing crawling on the icy fleshy peachy land
together with the marshmallow blanket or soil and sand to make up the cemetery scene

schnapps effect on christmas eve

schnapps eat schnapps
shot after shot
non stop guruguru flushed and swirl
swirling like typoon if not tsunami (if not katrina)
schmerza ache pull off vomit
worse still dizziness intrusion
sparkle intruders flush over
"pestilence-strickening" if pestilence it can be known as
stricken and sticken and striking and striving
sticking you and striving me
to take advantage of me me pushing your naughty arm away from me
strive to preserve my integrity
christmas eve a happy eve
not meant to be lonely neither meant to be dizzy
to release people always want it to be
a special unordinary day but too extraordinary it goes wrong
the faulty deadrection leading to repentance and confession the next morning
digging a hole on the mattress oder the odour the cigar burning ignited
my anger and frustration
witness the dashing waiter the bartender
victim the chic chick



santa claus is coming to town
reces-sion is coming to town
hola!

counts counts counts

i really know that i am so blessed!!!
with a more than perfect family
at least not really on the brink next to a cliff
with a loving mum
an adorable dad
a connected sis
plus
a grand grandmum
we counts not coins but blessings
we get angry not because we are sullen surly but we care to raise our voices
i own and owe friends
who read my blog
who write about me on theirs
who spare time from their busy hectic life to meet
to share to converse
to show without shyness their glee and trouble
to hear me being unorganised and at times ruffled
i possess proudly though too proudly perhaps
an individual running mind which pursuits and is still thankfully hungry
not really in the practical school with a promised high-pay job but
somewhere i love i am surprised and inspired
fate is it i aint sure but a bless it surely is
thanks
to whoever lives with and within me

being spontaneous. spontaneity rules!!

how long have i been not using the little painter...hahaha

so funny... =]

Christmas association

no longer too happy
or have i simply lost the child's heart
to have fun, enjoy, appreciate
nonono
the fest is no longer festive and smiley
trees stand on not on earthy ground but marble concrete reflective mall floor
trees no longer woody painted even not earthy green but purple and golden
trees no longer yuley piney, plastic smelly, as fake as possibly
squirrels not found around, cones distasted abandoned
when people live too well in ungreenly greenhouse separated isolated alienated from greens and browns

Comes and goes, festive useless products no one actually needs and treasures
Odes or hymns, not to Christ but carolling for Santa and Satan indeed
Materials packaging wastage anything not expected but belongs to XXmas a must
Mitigation you say i say everybody says and none dare to step out and step out the sweary action
Easy to say even easier to spend to consume to take a portion of other species
Remember recall reminisce the time when was real fest and fest not necessarily an excuse to spend
Communication or pray we become preys we fail we drop we lose everything except choco coins
Imitate children i wanna immitate them when i think $10 is a real big buck
Alienation we become aliens and deserve not to live on the affluence planet earth
Liabla its our liability to bear and witness to become victims responsible for our irresponsibility
I weep and i cry i damn i curse the walking vampires on earth being so indifferent to ourselves
Zombias if not vampires and werewolves we have zero affection towards our spring
Affection the abstract idea we lose and cannot grab it drops and burns in the eternal fire in hell
Tiffany people pursue sparkle and luxury to excite to comfort the hollowness within why not
If i am a cornucopian i am i would have or am i now indeed i have no rights and am being ridiculous to text
Oh shit i do not know the damnation and predestination of me of people i suspect i am damned too
Note and note not whatever i writes i curse i swear the swear words

intangible lotus

rhizomes threads and seeds
more significant that veils the pink image above water surface
handwrites voice and smell
we say more eliciting than the real and concrete fleshy face bony body
he would have insisted its bony
and the other ribby
and muscular or musculine
i see the vainness and feminity
its subtle everybody knows
its difficult even they shall show

the fantasy and the romanticiation
together with the idolisation i have told
maybe i have not told but experienced
actually
ha the former one worths better
and now i have unveiled to feel better
they share the name
they share the timidity
they share the affection
they have unreasonably had
ridicules me
beats me

guess if its an advanced or degraded version
the hiding friends as the mere acquaintances that do not really
bother
or linger
even after the verbal and all customs expected to have baptise you
never mind the doctrine says
you have free will and autonomy according to Mr. Deity

in dedication to a hangman friend

Evil Eye (MOD)

i want to have a baby ar...
whoever man with good gene
regardless of age...
15-year is only a gap, not yet an abyss

today on the mini van
a super cute girl keep playing with me
not really play
but repeatedly she let out her pointer to ET phone me
sooooo cute
whenever our eyes meet we phone
haha
super cute
connected

let me put on the mother hood in red
i aint a wolf

today i hairdress my granny

chip chap chap
the electronic chip rusted and she takes a rest
chip chop chap
i cut i care i do not just chop the tail of a cat
kitty kitty hello cat
i miss your cuteness you smartness and smarties
sweetness still lingers i still savour
you used to bowl cap my head and blow up my hair
chap no i aint chap
without a chap at home i do the chip chap
your chap's gone i know you miss him you do the recap
i listen to your recap and capture the time you shared
construct and make up
perhaps some is residue some are creative memories
without the cap i am able to cap your mindset
make the perfect head you afterwards says yes
while i confess

workaholic freak joyce on joyce

maybe i am a real freak
haha
recalling last night (or the night before) when my sis learnt that i have 4 papers in addition to 3 exams
she said something like it was really a hugh burden and i was really sun-fu
haha
yupyupyup
kind of agree kind of not
well i also tell people that i have lots of work and am super busy
but at times i play i relax
and
more unbelivably importantly
i enjoy working
for what i work on is terribly inspiring and propelling

i am the surgeon who cut and dissect
think and create
really admire him who devised the bridge for a fatique heart
or the balloon method to widen the vessel, restore the reduced elasticity
now i feel like doing something similar
i am the surgeon and i am the vessel
pass through me the elixir
nurture and nourish me and i will foreverly greedily absorb and be spongy
make me elastic i crave for elasticity
if i can acquire only a portion of your talent i am willing to be fed and drunk
be an infinite indefinite alcoholic freak i say i do

currently i am working on Joyce
he's a genius
compact short text
world famous
he has the mind and brain and heart to make every single diction carrying underneath meaning wows me
eveline, frank, ernest, henry
bird, frank, earnest, homeruler
liberation, honest, serious, identity
that's real impressive
wow

muse and amuse
i am inside a maze ever in search of the exit never existed
yet the panorama the scene have sucked me through to the new mystic world that i am unwilling to get out of

life muse: mystic versus hectic: spend some time to bother or to ponder

it's really getting weirder and weirder
i've already forgotten how far have/had my christ faith receded
but recently my door has been again and again knocked
my bell repeatedly rang
people's asking
friends' occational talked of
strangers' carolling
classmate's hymn
is that your plan?
my life, my fire, my devil, my challenge, my rescue

i have a life kind of far from your doctrine
of which i now see perfectly fine and right and modern and just right
is that a sin i speak of as if they are proper reasons or you see as excuses
is it a sin i interrogate and i doubt and i am kind of reluctant
stuck

when mika goes to jerusalem
he meets a jew a muslim
he befriends a taoist or monk
the nun

i do not actually know well the history or development
even if i know i have only learnt one side of the story
only your by not your partners or opponents versions
how can i be assured
how can i be firm
how can i devote if i have not mapped the way you went the way you go
faith you call it as trust without knowing

scientific and religious plot by dan brown
if da vinci or hanks have the determination to investigate

why consider afterlife when our present life is still amused, confused

try not to be cynic

Vogue

http://gemssty.com/2008/11/22/age-10-to-60-through-make-up-photography/

if that's the face of a twenty-year-old

my dear companion on my bed

he's getting harder
the colder the night the harder he becomes


and i dont see him having a brain
in spite of his grand name of memory pillow
supposingly he bears AI
like the browny dirty teddy on my bed

but he is the pea-low

remembering the princess who felt the little pea under her precious head under tens layers of pillows
what a princess

the power of association >3<"

tictactictackticktackdance

my clock is not ticking
but time is still running
my heart is tacking
my brain is aching

time has never run so fast in my afore life
and my ears have become less sensitive to the minimal sound
so occupied these days
so time are like flying at millions lightyear per nanosec

it's not figurative but true, genuine personal experience-
eyes open eyes shut eyes open eyes shut sleeper shot to bed
put on put off put on put off clothes stink and wash
switch on switch off switch on switch off flashes flash and gone
clicking typing clicking typing big fish sway and stray

meaning of life i know
hectic

how i vibrate like the ticking hand
nervose in my mind
complain like the ticking hand sounds
cannot be heard
how i want to dance like the tictac hand
liberation

vanilla aiya aiya yo

who on earth has invented listerine vanilla mint
vanilla can never go along with mouthwash ar

vanilla is dairy farm is dreyers is haagen dazs is movenpick
not listerine or colgate

aiyaya
pleasant smell misplaced

i feel the invicible sweetness in my mouth
dwarfed mint and whipped refreshness
aiyiyo
eroded teeth and mucous cavity
not the right condition for a good sleep

nachmylostentry: whatimiss/ postlovereminisce/ yatinexplosion

hangmanorhangmeniamnotsureandfridgechicklegredgreenlightwheresamberidontknowcubberbandhopping
thesearethegamesimiss
scramblenotonthelist

wowdonotreallyknowwhyisuddenlyfellinlovewithsomalia
ifishatterthebommerang
andsomaliabecomesthesomalians
iwilldegfinitelygotowarnerbrothersandinvestandshootpiratesofthesomalians
realblackfaces
ha

yatishoppingrush
lustisreallyaninterestingword
aufdeutschitmeansinterest
ofenglishitisveryarousing
wellyouknowwhatimeaniknow
thedaybeforeilostmylusttoshop
mysisterandiwenttothecrowdedplaceonearninyatin
womencrazierthanwomenwhosawmrhongkongcandidates
goodsbecomenotsogoodindeedtheresultofconsumerism
consumerisminfusionchristmasinvasion
whensantabecomesfatandisfedweknowhesuffersfromconsumerismandoverconsuption
whatanobeseelderly
yupyupyupnotsureifiamwhatiperceivemyselfbutireallywanttoliveoffconsumerism
preferslivingoutsidehongkongtherichandfinancialpubwhatpeoplecallprosperous
theplacewherepeoplelikeyoudreamoflickingagoldenlumpyassthegoldenkey
whereyoudislikeboththerichandthepoor
yuckwhatadaydreamkid

howcomeihavejusthadtheintentionofmakingorbeggingforauturnagain
aiyayuckyuckyuckdarenottothinktheaftermathifitistwothousandsixandseven
thanksgoditstwothousandeightandnowitstheend

thisisnotsowellwritten
yesterdaysentryslostlo

ifyoureadithahaha
whenenglishadoptstheridiculousgermansyntaxaftermyinsaneapplication

ijustknowthatmyfavouritefruitiskiwifruitandmyfavouritedrinkisgingermilk
iwanttohaveamultiberrycakeasmybirthdaycake

ifyoucaretoreadthisline
whichmaypossiblyindicatethatyouhavefinishedthewholething
congratulationstoyouandtome
forihavesuchagoodandintimateonelohoohoohoo
tellmeandiwillgiveyouakusshahahaxxx

Somalian Pirates

if they have the face of Johnny
or if they have the hook
or the goat moustache
the fierce look that women fell frenatic
they do not have to eat nut crack
live less than a chimp
no
less than a worm

if warfare receeds
warfront emptied
rifles abandoned
government procrastinate less
more pragmatic
or people less black
they are better beings

better off they can be
Somalia is an effective flying boomerang

when students procrastinate in a modernism class

we are getting explicit and bold...
if the way you view coffee is the way you view sports
what other says i dont really know
that's something that Arouse and Boost
how a stutue is compared to a woman's feet is in terms of the whiteness and smoothness (and coldness) of skin
we are getting bold and "explicit"

we were talking about writing ex-rotic poems
by comparing tofu to skin
well
it's traditional chinese reference
nonono, for tofu is white
the orient food to rub occidental faces
or
we can write a metaphorical egg tart
make it Hong Kong specific
ha
of which egg white is comtaminated by egg yolk to match our yellow skin
what a too specific and too local symbol

let's write a "tofu si" together

what a day

what a day
broken jade
shook my will
turn the mill
earn and droop
plummet mood
jump to kill
pay my bill
shade a shame
taint my name

shackle you

my nov and dec life as a hong kong college student

Well, right, at last it comes near to the end
after two more tasks, the german presentation on monday and the writing markings to be submitted on tue, i should be able to take a break
a short break after long work
ofcoz i dont expect readers to know what they are
but listing them make me feel really proud
so:

anthropology paper
Autobiography discursive essay
Romanticism paper
TOEFL
Presentaion on Shelly
Presentation of my proposal on monopoly
and some minor tasks before all these...

wow...it was big
but listing makes it small...
and knowing the bulk ahead makes it even tiny
again, let's unwrap the bulk:

Deutsch Refarat (10%)
Writing markings
Final proposal on monopoly (10%)
(Well these are scattered on days before 11th)
thus are rather...okay

follow that ridiculously i will have:

Autobiographical essay (10 page) (25% of course grade)
Hong Kong lit paper (10 page) (35%)
Deutsch Test (25%)
Hong Kong lit presentation (4%)
Journalism paper on newspaper comparision (2000 words) (30%)
Modernism paper (7 pages) (25%)
Anthropology paper (3500 words) (50%)
Autobiography extended essay (40%)
Hong Kong lit exam (50%)
Journalism exam (30%)
Journalism book report (30%)
Romanticism and Modernism exam (40%)

this list, however, serve not to flatten, but pressure myself

oh my god...
there are 7 papers
i would be better off to be hung...

still today i have had the pre-break break
by allowing myself sing and chat and rest and watch and play
this's the way to live i know

at times i think of commiting suicide, the recurring theme of my life

really pissed
it's been days of exhaustion
i tried to snatch a runaway by constantly embedding myself in word challenge
there i score higher and higher
still cannot see my stress and my fuss go lower and lower lo

swearwords still got hold in my tongue
though they are already popping out like fireworks in my empty black head
so
i make swears instead
"i swear i won't become a teacher"

aiya...when will 2008 get over lei...../__\

well, maybe blogspot spots better than word challenge
where is my fire exit?

at times i dream about my future
is it really possible that i will have an easy life
not much pressure from work
self-sufficient
okay financial circumstances
loving and caring husband
who can afford the whole family and everything on his own XD
so that i can do whatever i like
travel, write, read, paint, compose, invent, play, sleep, eat and feed,
and, explore, ponder and pursue?
still reserve the rights to cry "halt and rest" and "resume" whenever i want XD

well, that's too idealistic la...

aiya... how come i live at times of progression, not stagnation or regression gar....

when the HS index regress and progress XD

aiya... how come i am a Hong Konger not an Eskimo gar.....
convince myself an Eskimo has Eskimian problems la
so actually you dont really have to be envious lo...

feeling cold...

(exhale...) dung ngo jo paper sin (morethanlessthan = >< & TunderscoreT = T_T)

today's the day i put you away

today's the day i put you away
from last night my failure to trigger
to this evening's my treddling pace
i know well that there's no more

it can be sad, cause it's being a failure
it can be glad, for it's also a success
i make today my aloha
i hop i shout i have a recess

receding from the torment
despite its gradual disappearance
unnoticeably put on a layer of ointment
decrease, reduce, i have my preference

hurray, i cry in tears
dear god, my thank with glee

how literature murders

sundered cord
am now a dwarf in a giant world
at loss
in the dark wood of mustard
how great the trees are!

i thought i was on the climb
from root to stem
on bark to branch
it was terribly a tiny thin weak twig i kept hold of myself
aching my back i fell badly on the brown earth

i thought i was on the progress
from nil to muse
on rocket to launch
it was the detached fuel chamber i was in
less than half way through the great journey i was bashed
drop on the mongolian plain, painfully lashed

wild-eyed at literary
what an illiterate

Curiosity Cure

Either you kill or cure your curiosity
terribly i am terribly involved in the click and link game
direct and divert your thoughts
explore and expand your wit
enlarge and embrace your imagination, engrossly
gross grass people refer to stuff stuffed in walnut shells
sheer raindrops i see what collected in barrels like jewels
springtly dews dripping drip by drip, slide from tips
slip and slide and laid below the tree you found me

under the shadow i dig the treasure of deepest curiosity

perhaps too distinctive the darkness of the shade
scary scar on fleshy heart of a little maid
jade i see the tiny heart of thou
evade the shade, keep a distance away

計算童年

由於不懂得史豐收速算法的英文名字
就決定用中文寫好了
反正英文寫太多沒甚好處 哈

應該很少人知道我有上過史豐收先生的班
那是我在上小學時的日子
忘了當時要多久上一課也忘了共學了多久
只記得自己應該成績挺不錯
老師送給測驗成績優的學生的莫生氣杯子仍完好在家
沒有白濛濛鋪上薄塵

成績好不等於學有所成的道理就是在那時悟了
因為所有題目我都是不誠實地用心算算的
沒有用上老師所教的速算法
其實自己認為心算已經很速夠速了
而且那個要屈接尾指的方法很困難 說得上是有點不人道
練極練不成
最好就是放棄
小時常又認為大人總是在用計算機
不明不白卻要求小孩要背乘數表
實委不公 是欺負
更反叛決意不要好好太認真學
千萬理由
今天腦袋裡的兒時補習碎片
就有補習老師文太太手控計算機在要求我筆算小數分數加減乘除的算式
嗯 不知她此時此刻在忙些甚麼？

a bump on my chest and a bump on my nerve

one of the courses i am taking now is called
"writing a life between two languages"
it's all about people who experience language crash
and unavoidably, culture crash
for they inhabit in two distinct places with two distinct cultures
experience the tear

what i mean about the tear is the process in which they feel lost and puzzled
as they are forced (though some of them claim that they are willing to)
to adapt to a whole new society
to acquire a new language that they were unfamiliar with

they have to undergo phases of isolation, being discriminated against, discovery and acknowledgement...

and it is after they have assimilated into the new world that they are now using the new language - English - to write this critical part of their life in English
they view their old self and comment
from the cruel, present angle
how unfair
(dont know why most of them embraces their present selves and are scornful of their little past. maybe it's because of the popularity and power of english?)

i have also been teared
not because of my being transformed or converted or the language problem (yet?)
but reading their work itself is tiring and exhausting enough

i thought i would love reading autobiographies
but the scent of self consciousness of the writer is so greatly spreading that
i, as the reader, cannot help being drawn into it
and has to adopt their way of thinking

not only thinking or destructing the piece of writing from their perspective
but also have i been forced to evaluate myself using their method of thinking back
i have become so conscious that i cannot live the easier way

self consciousness
is, it, is the tunnel through which people understand themselves better
and, then possibly sublime?.
do sublimation do us good in this world of anti-awakening?

language is much more than just fun or a tool or whatever
it can be dangerous and it can be fatal
it penetrates and dig into your identity and weakens and covers
cause
learning itself is forgetting
you have laid everything out in a split second when you know it too well
you lose the part of picking up and handing out
too automatic and instinctive
that it become an integral part of yourself
the language in you

kind of messy
it is the most direct flow

savour the magical moment as you pour the effervescent liquid, when things sublime

the aged reminisce
sigh
murmuring
time flies
beautifuls days of their 20s and 30s are too far to be reached
memory has faded
what they tell you are what they wish it would have been
the concrete words
the vivid crease

adults look back
cry and regret
saying
time flows
like uncatchable waves in a river
the current melts into a current
unstoppably directed to the ocean of immensity
like you and me running
disregarding the velocity
towards the finishing line
arms spread
breasts pushed
heads backed
limbs and fibres fatigued

me trying hard to recall
there are too many
trivials
and importants
like paper clips
and papers in piles
i
also
comment
time is not a funnel
neither is it
contained in the timer funnel
feel slow
drip fast
it does not drip at all
it flushes down
flushes me
my body my mentality
hold me on top

i feel uncomfortable switching inbetween
states of floating and sinking
magic of liquid

drink the elixir freeze the time

daily trivials

not sure if i am biased or unjust
preoccupied by my preassumption
so and too much emphasis on planet mars and venus
bizarre crash
row of my parents

not sure if i am withdrawn or unusual
perhaps i have been overly sensitive
so and too often have i dramatised you written word
atypically morose
lines of my friend

i send you my worry and
i mail you my care
i pose my indifference
what can i do

not sure if i am to take things up
prepared to expose or explode myself
so and too many good and great oppotunies to blind and occupy
chaotic and hummingly fussy

it's a weird world
it's the weirdest time

when the content is ignored and
way of delivery rules

Under the same piece of Blue, I found you

Lieber,

i was feeling uneasy and i was feeling difficult
heavy head, anaesthetised fingers
unable to write smooth and coherent sentences

buried in white pale paper assignments
and
soft and pale blue cotton bedsheet and blankets
want and about to throw up
it's nausea

i know i am the daydream and cynical type
at least my private self is
could not understand why everyone in the society speak so loud
and play so long
why dont they dream and think and search
for whatever
not serious things like meaning of life or whatsoever
but least like something else
out of their daily normal worldly encounter and rountine
please just do not magnify the microscopic

then i found you by chance
it's the randomness of life
by mere chance i found the thing you write
over the rim i found our shared sigh
over the rainbow i treddled and found a confidant
though inconfidable for we are physically apart
you are the kite i fly
the string is the wire that transmit our inner cry

Grusse,
joyce

realisation at 4 in the morning

entschuldigung, tsui tsui, ich habe Spanien aufgegeben. Ich finde Journalismus besser =)


hello! Heute ist Mittwoch, 3. 9. 08

it's been 5 days
and i still live in heidelberg

it's been 5 days
and i still suffer from insomnia
a piece of my heart has broken away and has flown to the paradise
my brain is still at all times underpowered
cannot function well due to the extended problem of jetlag

so i sleep at 4 and 2 and 4 and 3 in the morning
abnormally and unusually early in the morning

last night i was talking with my sister my ambitious plan
german and spanish
the former i have already set and am running on the track
from scrap, 4 month's time

the latter i tried and halted and retried
unwilling to give up
had once been so and too confident
fear to make it the duplicate of my piano dream

but i am incapable
so withdrawn during the spanish lesson
with german words and grammar and deutschen und alles
exhibiting, displaying, like jumping and exploding fireworks, in my mind

christ, how
jesus, wie

so that was the time when whoever
suggested the otherwise
lit my hidden intention to quit
i "spit the rice"
"well, you are right" acting and suppressing my excitment and eagerness
worries fading out
excuses become too proper and appropriate, politically correct reasons
"well, i quit"

i have the confidence of passing my 4th language course
but i dont feel like acquiring my 4th language

4 in the morning
brain at sleep mode
subconsciousness lead
i let my heart lead my head

i wish i have made the right decision
adios

being the tiniest

if i am the from Bremen
it could have been better

aber ich komme aus den USA
possibly Disney
fed by the enchanted thing
and fed up by whole fantasy

too narrow the gap i have been imprisoned within

the wizard's hand has just flipped and slipped over meine Auge
the genie from fremde Länder: Groß Britannien, Israel und mehr anderes
heard but unknown and untouched of
Sigmund Freud, everlasting kreuzfahrt zum Meer von Wissen
anstrengend, aber dankbar
too full to be true
too tiny the container i have moulded
spilling over

too big the brain
too many books
too immense the ideas
too huge the world

christ, HK ist sehr schön aber zu klein
zu bequem, nicht zu gut

what an arrogant

" dont mind the mistakes, bitte

mind transforming style

what does a younger sister hate most?
putting on old clothes of her elder sister.

being deprived of the joy to shop in the crowded mall,
to squeeze the tiny and short figure within the tall adults in fancy outfits,
to choose one out of hundreds,
to occupy the fitting room while tens are waiting and groaming at the door,
to be complimented in whatever it is put on,
to witness mama inspecting the gown to be put on my body,
to watch papa pulling out cash at the checkout counter

now a new adult
oder an old juvenile
reversed, transformed, washed and bleached mind i have installed
how i like and appreciate and idolize
dig her good
rinse from toe
the whole is a bravo plus a wow
pull over from head every piece of her clothes
mimick i do not call it so
adding another type of style
excuse my conspiracy

general sorting: either ! or ?

if there are two types
and the two types are the only types
the simplest and easiest classification of people into group ! and group ?

not quite an extremist
but i see over 90 percent are in group !
the exclaiming group
the happy and easy-going and worldly (it's not derogative) group
suits perfectly and knows how to enjoy life
laugh and eat and have fun
bearing every quality the ? group envy
yet incapable of acquiring
buoyant and usually live in present as a present.
arha
carefree and adorably lovable figures

the remaining ten is comparatively pathetic
the question mark group
questioning and kind of self-tormenting
quite self-conscious and world-conscious
too conscious indeed that cannot live too well
physically inactive though still run round the clock,
well, i mean their brains
always in turmoil
too chaotic
thus forgetful

wise and unwise

well
label yourself

hypocrite

feel like a hypocrite
or is it just the illusion out of the very-normal-faces-&-people-usually-owns-several?
what i say and what i do are hundred and ten percent not in accordance

smell like a hypocrite
look at and compare your new old old old face and i want to puke
to me to him your friend and whoever
mind your mindset your value your moral
cant help

it's a lie to claim being in the "cant help" state
and i still say i cant help fantasizing the vaguest scene
what a hypocrite
the disgustful and unreasonable union ever imagine
to be beyond my imagination
i was right
incompatible and mismatch

you fool
and i'm the fool to be fooled
better to say i choose and i deserve all this
too and how pathetic

as if i'm exceptionally purely idiotic
victimizelf

at times when i got toxicated by keith urban and whoever evoking and enticing
"Oh baby you're too cute you're too cute for this wicked world" - The Posies "Love Comes"


*just now one of my aunts called.
she is a mum raising two infantile autistic boys
hard and difficult
much too hard much too difficult
i'm still too young to tell what bitter is
too little to write on

furtively; surreptitiously; covertly; stealthily; slinkingly

I love eating in wherever eating and drinking are not allowed
yayaya
i am the sneaky naughty child

with the sign "no eating and drinking" hanged
the burger and coke shadow crossed

i ate a whole set of the beefy rice on my way back home

i kept slipping my hand into the bag in which chewy and icy cherries are hidden
nimbly i kept inserting the sweet fruit with bitter skin into the orifice

Stain my lips and front teeth as pink as purple as possible
as if i got poisoned
or as a child who tried to put on mama's lipstick

the gentleman on my left keep peeping
eye on the baby just in front
eye on the two noisy girls on my right
eyes on me and my handful of tissue which wraps the cherry seeds

yayaya
i am eating bunches of cherries
go tell the driver XD

it's pathetic. i am cynical. we are fragile

it's pathetic if one has to gain glück by satisfying one's material needs

i'm pathetic if i have to placate myself by einen Schaufensterbummel machen oder einfaufen.

ich kaufe nicht glück ein.

yupyupyup

it maybe right that brandname products have better quality

it maybe true that brandname products worth the money

but the pride itself of which the buyer gains is far too rotting that

it outweights the reasonable prices..

it's best, if it's not only my word but also my deeds, to spend to help

whoever in much greater need than we do.

it's best, the joy is magnified

the glück, is folds of that produced from fleshly or corporal appeasement.

this afternoon i walk by the metal wall of the construction site nearby shatin,

a worker was hammering something.

i imagined his hammering his own finger.

what if it was real

what if he bled

what if he got terribly hurt

what if i trippled over

what if i had a heart attack

what if i got skin cancer

unexpected accidents oder predestined misfortunes are anywhere and everywhere

we are flavescent daisies

brightly and beautifully bloomed may we have

be stepped on and

be schneiden-ed

we are thin trees

tall and reproducing may we can

be caressed by spring breeze and

bent and broke

no matter how physically fragile we are

we have the even worse mentality

the papers are suicidal

das fernsehen ist verzweifelt

coz we have Verzweifelt Hausfrauen

und ich bin gloomy heute

"i've been living shawdow overhead,

i've been sleeping cloud above my bed...

i've been setting aside time,

to clear little spaces and corners of my mind"

unreasonable grey and blue

yup

they visit me once in a while

occationally

with silly or no reason.

wt's the point of roaring when an image of my family flashes in my mind?

sensor play - tastebud getting lost

it's gwai sin lum on the recommended booklist
that makes me elevate onto the second floor
back and again I rambled and stopped at the shelf of mist
The floating and unreachable books can no more
be chewed and rolled and pushed and swallowed

though mellow

unfamiliar strokes
are exotic food and beverage
unwillingly if i have to I choke
excuse if you say it it is I say I have lost my taste bud you rage
adoration to the west
shame on me i have to pick and drop the mess

apologetically i admit i have not
put one single tiny piece thin of effort to reverse
if i want if i get worn I'll untie the knot
the knot that blends patriotism and the reverse

kaput the custom
kaput the used-to-be

Ich bin kaputt.

Heidi

glucklich.
Ich habe keine Ahnung sie kommt aus Deustschland...

Heidi Heidi, deine Welt sind die Berge.
Heidi Heidi, denn hier oben bist du Zuhaus.
Dunkle Tannen grüne Wiesen im Sonnenschein.
Heidi Heidi, brauchst du zum glücklich sein.
holerahidi holerahidi holerahidi holerahidi holerahidi
holerahidi holerahidi holerahidiholalahijaijai holerijaho
Heidi Heidi, komm doch Heim, find dein Glück, komm doch wieder zurück

my perceptions---babe's kidtime's and now

it is a childlike and innocent mind that i miss and giggle at

if and only if you care to notice the reflection on the back of your hand
by the fluorescent lights
after lights
lining just outside the windows of the moving car
along the busy metro street

it can be any usual taxi with the marble and jellidied resin stick in the driver's palm
or the roomy-smell-filled family car

penetrate and refract through
raindrops before the very plain glass window

seems like on my skin grey and tiny dots

i remember my being scared and disquiet
trying so hard trying to rub off the fake dirts or
POX and RASH or PERMANENT MARK and SCAR

it was terrible
terrible silly


perishing innocence

Don't write me off...

Way Back into Love

i really love this...

i'd rather crawl on men

fingertips prowling in the thin air just above the keyboard
yup
exactly
i want to type something out of my blank mind

cactus is not the right word
but the c-thick thin has grown days after days on my fingers
not rightly tips
the position of the fingerprints\
callus it is called

it is transparent
yellows as it thickens
toughens
and
deprive your sensitivity as it empowers
layering up

i remember it on my papa's hand
nein my mama's

oh
they are complements of wrinkles
each of which spreads on each sex
wrinkles on women
callus on men

while i got both

i'd rather crawl on men
=]

i love pairing things up

mein schön freund

you are outstanding i think you know
you are exceptionally insightful and mature i think you know

you remain unbent in difficulties
you keep to yourself in unfavourable situations
take and treat with apparent ease and lightened heart

you are progressive
possibly sprinkled with diligence
undoubtedly added is your intelligence and sophistication

you dont know how you've stirred me up

to me you are like an authority
not as strict
yet as precise and accurate
to me you are like a real "gut" book
penetrating
ponderable
make me cant help keep reading on
your blog you life

the way you live
the way you treat things

we are distant i know
physical distance is minimal

it is the speechlessness i held at my throat
the blankness i coloured on my forehead
i spelled when we "chatted" that i found it bruising

i swam in the shallow water bay while
you sunbathed nextdoor in repulse bay

immensely you fill your soul
live without regrets i know you will

confidence
apprehension
tactful
tasteful
youthful




shoot my renaissance papier.../_\

Change

People are scared of undergoing changes
people are scared of being stagnant in progression

nein, the two statements are not contradictory
it is the direction of changes that makes the difference

as early as i begin to have my own brain(i mean the time when i feel like something of my own started to appear in my mind)
i told myself that people are always conscious
conscious of themselves
conscious of others, sometimes
conscious of rights and wrongs

so when somebody does something indecent
it is himself or herself who bears the (whole) responsibility
to be, like penalized, or deal with the aftermath
i did not see any so called the grey area in life

back to what i intended to say
before becoming an university student
i was quite annnoyed by possible tags people put onto CUHK students
you know
like those overly extravagent slogans we heard in orientation camps
and people love comparing street wise and studious idiots
am i too bookish?

when i was a child
i would probably be very proud to be an egghead
loaded in the head theories and secretively dissect the world all in one's mind
without leaking a clue to the normalities
they wouldnt understand anyway round, dont they?

but now, quess what
everyone is indeed nothing more than a common mortal
einstein, da vinci, whoever you name
it's pointless to be a genius or a saint in solitude
happier life i now prefer to own, to live, to lead
to share

back to what i intended to say
so my values has changed, has been changing, will go on changing

just this sunday night my mum said to me that i have changed
(i guess quite drastically or she would not have mentioned it)
at times as a secondary school girl to now a college girl

the reason behind the change
i think I can tell
is not the switch in identity of study life
that creates or that triggers
i think she knows

so i should have no more sore
truly, thank you



GEEZ, CANNOT RHYME...
HAVE BEEN DEFICIENT IN POEMS

Currently reading: Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult
Waiting in line: Hong Kong Stories by David TK Wong
Sherlock Holmes

shutting by speaking with another tongue

this is something i have always wanted to do:

in face of annoyance
either if they are telephone calls from salesperson, worse we have recorded mechanic sound tracks, telling you loads of promotion plans and thrushing cold and rapid strings of words into your ears, all of which are not applicable to you or are unnecessary to you
or if it's enthusiastic young people you meet on streets trying to "interview" you, followed by drawing out a new product in promotion, asking you to try and BUY. usually they say it doesn't take long. the truth is, pass them by or ignorance makes the shortest time consumed. the simplest and the easiest way, always.

today what i met was a little better,
a charitable organization, NGO, a branch from UN aims at helping refugees.
just glimpsing at the name of the org impresses me (dunno why i trust/mistrust UN things a lot)

to try to escape from his stopping and talking
(cause i was not in the mood to hear preaches)
i replied him in english...XD
"Sorry, I have to go now" with a trembling voice
tremble because I knew at heart that what I was lying,
to be more accurate, i was hiding XD, covering my true self, pretending as another: with a foreign tongue, nay joyce.

out of my expecting his "oops" and "sorry"
he then said "Do you speak Chinese?"
"Yes" and "No" I answered simultaneously, the former from mouth, latter at heart

Christ
this is the wrong answer i should not have given from reflex.
REFLEX...OMG
what he then kept babble about were all in MANDARIN.
XD
"it doesnt cost much"
"it shows your good and kindness"
"all the little money voices your tremendous support"
"just $150 helps hundreds of refugees, women and kids"

while he was giving his hundred and ten percent to convince me,
my mind was wandering, me heart confessing and the line of
"It's a good chance to practise Madarin" run across my sight
like subtitles we see on TV

how cold hearted
compared to the heat and insistence of the boy.
I am sure he's a good swimmer
cause he's able to speak without a pause

probably he noticed my bored-out and helpless face
between one or two super long paragraph(s) he stopped to see me nod
there were also questions i had to answer, in mandarin, ofcourse.

i dont know why the hell was I actually doing this,
standing under UV10, playing the role play game with him
did i move?
or was i just too shy to interrupt?
was i about to sign the donation form?

i dont know

the whole story probably shows my being terribly cold-hearted and unkind
a girl teasing at an enthusiastic boy
maybe he was doing voluntary work without getting a pay for it!
god knows.


at last, i did not
partly it's because of his aggressiveness
i felt like he tried to hold my hand and order me sign
partly because i didnt know if i have the money to do such kind of monthly donation
undoubtedly my family is capable
but what's the point claiming of the donation while the money comes from my parent's pocket?
they are doing it through their own way already!

you say it an excuse?

i only remember the swings, and the one who pushed the swing

simply cause it's close to the place i went to teach
i revisited the place i lived before i was 8

i dont know if it was equally crowded or noisy or dirty
but it belongs to men, the men who dwells and the men who cries and shouts
the women who have long faces busying packing and running their lives.
i mean, doing businesses or collecting coins or handing out foods or
everything
indeed to make life workable and sustainable

whenever i revisit old place or visit a new place
despite i am always aiming at looking out and exploring more,
i have a super fast pace
i dont know what to do if i do not feel like "jogging"
i mean
i feel like a stranger to the place
this is just not my place
and i do not allow and god forbid me to stay
i am afraid to be noticed that i take pictures
i am afraid to be asked for directions
i have to put a label on my forehead stating my identity as a passer-by

it's weird it's strange
8 years out of 19-20 years is not a short time for me to say

i imagine my growing up there
the truth is i never dare to think
i become one of them? ??

i have never find another person who is as self conscious as I do
or i can put it this way:
i am too self conscious that i have not paid attention to others
investigating if they are conscious of themselves.
is this
like
selfishness?

i took lots of pictures though i was in haste today
cause i know from heart that the place is going to be reconstructed within the coming years

monumental and big things i perceived in the past become small and too usual to care about
have i become stiffer at heart?

i wanted to meet an old friend
to link me to connect me to this the other world
geez i am sure no one recognizes me

recollecting memories is sweet
realizing the disconnection is
i dont know
perplex a too non-perplex word to say

i love all my past
though they seem far
they are parts of me.
they make me into what i am today
and i love me

by the way
it's to kwa wan

Gozzilla

Ei, Gozzilla is you
because you name is similar.

But dont get offended
cause I love Gozzilla the mix of Gorilla and Chimpanzee.

manly,
comforting
the perfect company
my best-loved companion

whom i knew 5 years ago
whom i 'll continue to cling to for the rest of my life

i was thinking about becoming your bridesmaid
or you becoming mine

i was thinking about if you will get somebody else
i was thinking about if i will then be at rage

for these how stupidly and minor trivialities
for relations are not titled
titles as a way of presentation and delivery
nothing to do with affection and love and truth and faith in heart.

my dear friend
i wish you all the best

to be continued

when i transcend from a form girl to a year girl
when i have tasted and kept the tongue for romantic love in
and uses well my teeth to chew and tear with pressure and pleaure
other forms of love
i receive more
i gain even more

Yin Ai Cheng Hen

it's a paradox
it's a satire

it's ironic
it's insensible

cant see the sense
cant see the truth in it

this is false
but only an seemingly true excuse
for the failed lovers

when true love turns into odium
it is not your identity as a victim that shows
but recognization
not of the flaw of the one you love or the one your hate
but your hypocrisy

i have never seen it in familial love

The Rape of the Lock

The Peer now spreads the glittering Forfex wide,
T' inclose the Lock; now joins it, to divide.
Ev'n then, before the fatal Engine clos'd,
A wretched Sylph too fondly interpos'd;
Fate urged the Sheers, and cut the Sylph in twain,
(But Airy Substance soon unites again)
The meeting Points the sacred Hair dissever
From the fair Head, for ever and for ever!
— Canto III

STUNNED!!!!!
Superb imaginative and detailed and
INTRIGUING

This is why Classics last~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanna shout and cry and break my voice
but none can express my adoration
This is mastery.
WOW

Mark Six

The elderly in the house keep pressing
wrinkled
veined
webbed
a finger with an enlarged knuckle
forcefully presses

The monitor monitors
The screen shows
The screen screens my memory
while the old murmurs
repeating what is said and commetated in the cliche show
35, 12, 21
i cannot remember the number of randomness

what comes to my mind
the old pictures
they are concrete and not of chance or coincidence

picking up the phone
calling aunt jane
asking if she had won a lottery out of the treasury
what an ambition she has
wishing her daughter good and luck and fortune
if fortune can become bliss

further in the back of my brain
deeper in the bottom of my heart
i remember i once enjoyed watching the weekly draw
we laughed, we guessed, we bet
if it was read, blue or green
while my grandma cannot distinguish blue and green
if it was even or odd
non childishly

i did not know what it's meant by "special number"
when speciality blurs out
when an ordinary and what you considers rountine passes
and becomes bits of memory
this is the time for regret and reflection.

My biggest family, ever, ever after

It's the near end of my first year.
Holiday starts on 29 this month.

I'll be learning Spanish, very possibly.
I'll be conducting tutorials, continuously, expectedly.
I'll be helping my cousins for revision, possibly.
I'll be going to Heidelburg, excitedly.
I'll be working at Indigo.

The last task will be swirling.
Because it means working with a familiar group
but spending time with them in a very different way,
playing a different role.
I never wanted it.
But they are my family,
I want to help.
My parents have been working so and too hard recently.
They needa work in Mainland and stay there overnight quite frequently these days.
I know they are having a hard time.
I know their silver hairs are creeping out.
It's a heart break fact.
I know my pa has been losing strength.
I know my pa has been becoming feeble.

I heard their retirement plan.
I was fearful.
Cause it's my sis's and my time to come.
I was extremely grateful.
Cause they are finally quitting the torment.
I can never imagine how bothersome things can be,
how complicated things are linked,
how stressful it is to work in such familial situation and business condition.

My sis is returning, thankfully
THANK GOD
I love her.

I love my family
I demand my future mate to love his and my family.
I think and I hope I'll foreverly, always put them at the tip the vertex of my heart

Ai, you know what.
Yesterday my mum asked if I had broken up with my puppy boyfriend.
She was certain about that.
I asked her why did not she asked me earlier.
She said she knew I need time to get through that myself.
She trusted me, my ability to quit the gloom.
She was watching me, lighting my way through the path.
We both wished that I'll meet my right boy who's older and really wiser than me.

And, I hairdressed my grandma yesterday.
This was the 2nd or 3rd time already.
You'll never know what this is meant to me.

Visiting my grandfathers

It was weird
and absurd.

It was about a week before the usual ritual performance day
on Ching Ming Festival.
"Ritual" a too cold and ruthless word to say.
So,
to show people's missing and torn heart for their dead kinsmen.

It was unusual
and strangely
comforting.

I was quite light-hearted.
Deliberatingly blurting out light jokes and minor talks to lighten up the not-indeed-so-serious atmosphere
among the three of us:
my father, my mother and I.

It was queer.
It was odd.

The grey-cloaked family were wearing smiles
instead of the exaggerated hugh ugly mouths with teeth sticking out.
They looked truthful and sincere!

When did the transformation begin?
I have never noticed that visiting the deaths can be so light-hearted.

Or am I not good enough not sad enough.
No
No
No
I know I was doing just so right.
They wanted me to
They still want me to

I love you.
Yeayea
I miss you
Gunggung

Ashes are kites.
Fire is my affection.
Incense your smell had been gradually transformed.
I murmur nothing as I bow and say...
speak into your ears.
Both of your elf's ears.
So big that they can contain any words we say.
So hollow that they allow streams of words to pass through.

The pictures so familiar.
The pictures so distant.
Not blurring
but clearing itself.
To Settle and precipitate.
To become clear and clearer,
the clearest crystal ever after.

Exchanging Heads

Intractable me who insists
in getting a new essay started
oh, even if my head got stuck
she shares my imperfection resistance

In spite of my possible and probable failure
effort and outcome are complex
The third attempt can be careless
at least it is delivered

Helpful, but seemingly cool teacher
with a clever and smart brain in her skull
keep criticizing indeed tipping me through
the difficulties-and-tears mixture

The stubborness residing under the hair
so that you are self-satisfied
the target of perfection never met
Such vague idea may not be borne if you have care

Or you still cling to the past
teacher who was merciful and less demanding
or complimented easily but was not pushing
urges for improvements did not last

long enough ...

too tired to write onwards...
><

Back to life

Jesus Christ,
i have been wasting time on that irretrivable thing.
i hope my last vow really works from now on
No more bangbang from the failed love
yupyupyup
i have failed my first love.
but SO WHAT!!!!

i am having a temperature
feeling dizzy...

In a bid to avoid hearing bad words from the doctor,
i have decided to go to the school clinic without asking for a doctor certificate
which means, i will go when i am not supposed to be having a lesson
everybody in CUHK knows that students have been playing sick to get a pass to skip lessons.
hahahahahaha

ummumm.
really, cannot be sick
cause i am going to haagendaz on sunday with my cousins and aunt and uncle
i should not lower the temperature by putting an icy scoop into my mouth.
yupyup, i assure myself that.
and, a midterm is ahead
i dun want to deal with it with a dizzy head
or i will play anita mui's song in my head again
which is
no good

and, i dun want to work on the most tiring ceng with a dizzy head and runny nose
i dun want to stain papers with my sneeze
yuck
talking about ceng
I HAVE GOT AN A- FOR ANNIE HALL
jesus christ
i cannot believe it, really
it seems that jee really demands a lot
but she understands well we are not up to standard yet
she appreciates "fairly good" things
and that's good enough for me.
indeed, she still criticized a lot saying this is not enough, that is not concrete in the paper
however still, she marked it A-.!!!
it was uneasy to have her as your tutor,
but she really pushes you
so hard that you have to move forth.
it's great

BUT, i am being depressed on the other paper of ceng
currently working on the poetry essay.
do i need to change my thesis statement?....
i want a happy easter
when i can hang out a bit with friends
refresh myself

yesterday night i taught my mum how to text a sms
she is a quick learner
she sent my funny message last night
(as a test/challenge for her)
and this morning
she sent me another
she's brilliant~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

my new vow

embrace your new life
god knows what's in front of you
you can never guess who will bump into you the next day
so
as long as you trust yourself
your ability your charm
why prison yourself in the shadowy valley that is stinky
look forward to a better life, a better guy
his role in your life has shrunken.
keep away from being drunk

be good to yourself
be kind and generous to him
but clink to him no more

It is miserable

I really hate myself today
for being so unable to control myself
I have once again make those ugly spells
at the feeble innocent wrinkled maid
She has done something out of date
but yet not severe enough to overturn all of her past good
deeds, maybe, scolding her is like a punishment to myself rather than to her I should
have seen it in the other way round: both of us ache

The true thing, the miserable core I intend to tell
is, I have imprisoned myself in the open land
with no bars, no strong men
to lock me up in the the bare, just, only dessert, stamping on nothing else but sand
itchy sand, which was once water
only after we have drained too much that it becomes so dehydrated
me so frustrated, tired
the best is to stay in the gutter
Alas, love and everything in everywhere stale

miserable, cause I only have narrow vision on love staleness
what else?

Self-Defense Mechanism

Starting to know what is true and what is illusion that caused by the inner false me.
it's self defense
trying to blind and lie to myself what is just the opposite of the truth
he has not suffered as you thought or wanted him to be
walking in dark and shady times

i should let go
not only the scrounge but also the silly so called faith or belief

starting to realize the great of family and marriage
too strong they are when compared to the too fragile puppy love

I used to hate the word "puppy" in puppy love
it seems to indicate the fault and immaturity and deny any possible bliss of first love
I used to truly believe that puppy love is no different to "dog" love
whatever you call it
reluctant to describe
why the hell are there the differences!

Only until I have come across it
have i discovered what's its true nature
just a miniature of love
too minimal
too small indeed it is

Entertainment

I am thirsty
In thirst for entertainment
I am thinking about leaving everything important or urgent or whatever it is
Sneak to Hollywood and put a knife by the ticket seller's throat
cry in a hoarse and broken and threatening voice
"Gimme a ticket of Enchanted at three fifty five!"

Everybody around would then twist their neck and show their twisted face
on which written the bloody hell big "what the hell" word
Hey
It's la drollery

I am craving
Crave for something really big and unexpected by whoever it is
Something out of ordinary
yet appreciated by those who consider themselves equally extraordinary
It's superb
as superb as the club sandwich I have had on last friday
It should be good
It's just the bad time and bad place you have had it
The stomach was not in the mood to accept the adorable gift

Hu
Daydream time done
Assignment's ahead on ya desk

I think this is quite true, cause I have the 2 Xs and you have XY

When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stare's at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]

When she start's cussing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignore's you
[ Give her your attention ]

When she pull's away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]

When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]

When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she's scared
[ Protect her ]

When she lay's her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steal's your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she tease's you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she look's at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she say's that she like's you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grab's at your hands
[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]

When she bump's into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tell's you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]



- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

New Men

Not saying that I have gotten into a new relationship
But I've found men other than you who can lessen my heaviosity
Prevent it from aggravation
Lest it would drown me to exhaustion

And
Eh
Sorry
Sorry I should have said
Apology I shold have spat
It is not you I shoulg have blamed
It should not be myself who pained
Unreasonably and ridicuously I have made it a mess
it has turned bad turned sour and it's now a gag
Geez
What am I babbling about
Don't shout
Spit a spittle
You spittlebug
Yuck

Hide this post

Vincent van Gogh's hypergraphia

I thought this was the way out
but all it did was only to engulf
This is not a medicine
They are ecstasy and heroin
Equally addictive
Equally ready to kill me

Chile

I cannot distinguish
if it was yours or mine
anyway
we had fused
anyhow
feel like an icy
ice cream melting
pastily
on
a
sticky
torrid fiery pan
nastily had we been together
lying on the same mattress
covered by skin
and blankets
planting chile
out of the snowy
white
droopy
cream cone
I was a fat ugly snake
waving my waist
scraping
against your chocolates
your palm slipping on my belly
butts and breasts
which were sneaking
also searching and smelling
your stinky huge coarse hand
I was imagining
your squeezing
the fleshy pork
not the plum people have always said
your claw piercing
tearing me mad
you are a snake
luring and slurping
stalking
with your thin body
into the cave of hell
in total darkness
and excitement
and screeching
phalanges protruding
scared me back
I contracted
Indulgent was
the word
to lick

You are bringing
me to watch
the extravagant motion picture
once
and again
yuck.

I'd Rather Crawl on Women

Women hate me

But I love women

I embrace them

I sprawl
notoriously on their bodies

I also go to men

They are not affectionate towards me

They welcome me

and take me a mark of maturity

Wisdom in turn they see in “Maturity”

It can be it can be not

But I’d rather crawl on women

I prefer aged women

They are feminine

They are reluctant

They want to sweep me out

by Botox maybe

I kiss their foreheads

I lick their tails of eyes

I also love the warmth after bath

People touch me with their finger tips

Unlike human dogs are more friendly

Shar Pei puppies come to me

Without me they have no way to be Shar Peis

But I’d rather crawl on women

Cause they hate me

I am asshole

I am anal

But I don’t visit stinky places

Pregnable men

Swaying in the sea
hiding in the weed

Transparent it seems to be

Better say translucent it seems to me

I cannot distinguish their sexes
or, are they mixed?
hermaphrodite it is?

No way it can be
cause I've heard their story

The male bears the baby
as the female impulsively pushes her eggs into his body
Irresposibly she then leaves
Leaving the pregnable father no way to retreat
He should be impregnable
to stand alone against the swirls and eddies

Shouldn't he suffer from intimacy and pregnancy?

When men become women and women become men.