she is sleeping more and more
actually sleeping so much like hibernating though
this summer is vapourising water from even graveyard
some meters beneath which is
hell
soil dry and cool and
lifeless
nothing but deadly

or is there soil at all
could be just an incomprehensible space
entirely empty
hollow
a bizarre dimension where no one alive understands
some psychics may do but they still hold a living perspective
so dry its pretty much like west european winter
rigorous

she has been dozing off all the time
feebly leaning against the black long leather cushion
slanted
both she and the cushion
and
she has began to smell like leather
dead animal skin: fancy and disgusting

skin gradually losing its sheen
dull and wrinkly
hair not completely silverised but i see its fragility
easily observable from her dusty comb
i figure white black mix is worse than all shiny silver

and her uselessness
you smell pee in the toilet
and her linen
and her clothes
maybe not so now we make her use diaper

i rid her naked
sorry
brutally enough
literally and metaphorically

but she had her working blade in her wallet
the blade which she used to feed her kids
and grandchildren

we hairdress her
and sometimes dress her
during the un action you see her droopy breasts
wrapped in folded skin
sorry for the explicitness
but this is no eroticism at all
just plain truth
not even ugly
just loyal to facts
every morning dews are dried
every year flowers wilt and die

since a year ago reluctant to bath (or has it been longer than that)
since some years ago reluctant to leave home
bad feet jointing hurting knees jointing a paper thin torso
and some more years i thought these were jokes
incredible physical malfunctions which i despise
that she walked slowly (come on she walked like jogging when i was a kid)
like natalie portman disbelieving in charlie tahans lactose intolerance

i thought she was just being obnoxious
intentionally pissing people off
demanding attention doing incredibly careful acting

but this world is indeed pretty simple and honest in some ways
curse my stupidity
my heart was narrow

now i look through her decline
and know its real
perhaps sad
or not so when its inevitable
so i thought i would kill myself when i malfunction at like sixty

inevitable death too
ahead
°

today i got a strong feeling that she is dying soon
this lady who sees me grow my entire life
this lady whom i see her grows old my entire life
its saddening
and perversely enough its
liberating

perplex
or maybe not so when
life and death are so simply naked rules that all creatures abide to

i hope i dont sound too bitter
because i really am not
ripple on a lake

aha now she is up from nap
driving her rolling walker checking the house
still my grandma.

gotta switch on the light for her tiny eyes
which still see
through life
and death
and me

06051905 i trim her nails