LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem ft. Lauren Bennett, GoonRock

HAHAHAHAHAH

not that i am a fan

but

i like it because it reminds me of those party times in the US

沒頭沒腦地搖擺 彈跳

and it really is something

i mean however bizarre this music or this band might sound to traditional music makers

this group of people are devoted into what they are doing!

their mere devotion is gem

look at the way they spring their body

i mean the way they hop and skip

so in sync

synchronizes my brain waves in a way

and there's some energy to bring this type of music alive

like anger and dissatisfaction

in the midst of submission and

cynicism

and

absenteeism

if you get what i mean lol

shake that

an attitude

everyday im shuffling LMFAO

side note: i so f want to learn their steps HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

wow

stephen asoli, you rock

i feel like im gaining back my brain power and intuition back after talking to you

so i need someone like you to talk to

preferrably more often

:P

i was thinking about writing about how im losing my brain energy

the hype

the vibe

the chi

the halo the color the

thing

but u help me retrieve at least a bit =]

happy talking to you in spite of my tiredness.

now ready for bed and resume and hopefully it lasts longer

thank you <3

Karmin - Crash Your Party (Official)

take care b i will go find you :)

so trapped

oddly into totalitarianism

1984 being a favourite book

in dystopia

speculations and distrust in relationships

1Q84

tribute by Haruki Murakami

killing being the life goal and

life being so out of personal control

real life authoritarian charm

adolf and muammar

gestapo and stasi

brainwashers and propaganda

Triumph des Willens a boreder

but it worked

and there are

some invisible kings

and the instant yes at sight

Ici, c'est le paradis ! : Une enfance en Corée du Nord

cannibalism

afterall not so pervert when hunger being the p

like

everything else fades

what's so noble ethics

but is it choking when it is so utterly there

at present

insects in animal farm

and arent we still living like a non catcher in the rye

shout and yell and complain

cause u still think of an alternative

voices of the big bro

noises of the witch

alluring lorelei muse

no longer a muse

no longer amused

psychology

Katy Perry - The One That Got Away (Audio)

such a voice

so in need of a

STAGE!!!

us against the world

only

in another world

got away

我的腦袋我的心是乾珊瑚

曾經很滿意自己

而我會對自己說

我是這樣因為

我喜歡自己這樣子

我不是說自己的外貌啦 哈

是性格

是價值觀

我覺得自己持著正確的一套

曾經有滿滿的正能量

朋友喜歡與我相處

找我聊天分享他們的不快

我以積極樂觀感染他們

理所當然積極樂觀

溫室裡的不受過挫折長大的人怎會都不以為世界清新可親

(所以更有unempathetic的不足)

而我曾經不解他們的憂愁何來

覺得

態度決定一切

而今日我變了

投訴這投訴那的

我內在的快樂源要乾了

泡不起

無力亦不願安慰誰

包括自己

就任由惡的兇的狂的隨時山洪暴發

彷彿回到小時候的狀態

情緒不穩性格暴燥又固執

覺得

既然大家都這樣就由他的以暴易暴吧

誰有責任要當好人受害

大家都自顧自的就夠

冷公平

但我不喜歡現在的自己

現在的我

不滿自己不滿世界

怎樣懂得愛和善待身邊的人呢

twisted

逼迫何來

共住壓力鍋

走在一條單程的不歸路上

or perhaps attitude still matters

some partly

at least this mandatory office task of listening to radio program hasnt been a torture

something new to my routine mandate boring life.

grin not for wrinkles and

phew

ka-ching: and i really like not pitching. giving empty counseling

ah

maybe there is some satisfaction from some successful pitches

however usually the cause being:

they have to fill the page or the column

and not really your opinion matter

and so incredibly you name it

flush/

tsau sui

the "leveraged on"

so incredible

it's like

'ah of course we send

if not we cannot charge her'

=.=

the crappy reports

the easy copy and paste the please be updateds

the strategic counseling

advices

where comes nothing but experiences

to manipulate and cheat

the random 3x 9x pr value

bizarre

*and i wanted to be a social worker or the sort

psychiatrist who treats

mind and soul and organic egos

and now i wedge

a swirling pungent culture

Trapeze

and i was obsessed with swinging

there was this park right next to my p school

and there were four swings

the primitive unsafe ones with just a plate of wood

not the diaper type

so we could stand on it when we swang

it started quite easily

u step up and forth and the momentum starts

simple pendulum

so it goes forth and reaction plus gravity drags it back

the way to add altitude and endorphin dopamin rush is to

hold slanted and

i mean to be more slanted than the hanging chains

usually rusted

or at least feels like rusted

and smells sweaty

yuck but anyways you gotta hold it cause you just have to when u stand on the

one-man see-saw playing against gravity of the entire world

can you imagine the might

and you bend at its highest to slide the plate back

at your backest

and forth

at your frontest

so it has excess energy and extra potential to go beyond its previous height

and you just lose the posture
you composure

the grip of your feet

astronautei

(ah i still have the astronaut ice cream right in front of me)

ah what am i talking here

just some exercise to get the

details back

descriptive and minor

and i so need them :]

you know like springy

when you spring

Coldplay - Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall

and i used to so have the vibe

the inspiration

the overwhelming if not unnecessary emotions

and i thought some songs go my moods

and they beat along

and they echo the aches

and a pal said the otherwise

he said songs elicit

solicit

his inner wave

drop onto his lake and cast ripples after ripples

and i thought

so reverse

and now i feel it

like im becoming numb and been too busy to be emotional

senseless if not robotic

these musics so

intense

and i thought i'd rather be a psycho a lunatic

neurotic and insane

than be a person treelike

no

plastic inorganic

so i can't really help if i turn into aspirin

where is some intensity

love hate damn intensity

----

what is the cause

living on too much art

too much music too much books

too much fiction and fake intensity

artificial ride on roller coaster

what is it some vaccine

to get us prepared for real horrid journeys

i know not and i

perhaps

fear not or fear yes

and i feel not and i think not so i stop here cause i know not what i wanna say

at some high craptitude

Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat - Lucky (Video)

wo ist mein best Freund.

let me be forgotten

i loathe not treading up
like an Equus with papery loads
wax and pungency

alas when
mannerism drags
customs prevail over being alright
and tantrums like bullets
i contempt

behold it meteor shower
shot dead

the bws
the sculptured homonyms
marble rocks steadfast wannabes

why the space
why the effort
why the obnoxiousness

and the air
so contaminated

lass' mich vergessen sein
ich kuemmere mich nicht daran

scattered by a non-agent
by not even air
not even nothing

why the little debris

*i need not a burial ground
nor ceremony
nor visits

lass' mich verschwunden sein
bitte

little and huge

my sister asked me how i knew about typhoon signal no. 8 this morning
cause i dont have the habit of switching on TV in the morning
i usually just
jump out of bed
brush and clean
change and paint
grab and go

and i said
ah
he texted me

she said
haha so he texted from the UK
and
you would have left home for work if he hadn't

and i said
ahaha yesyes and i would have got everything ready without even thinking
rushed out with make up on and in vain

and she said
yes and gets so frustrated and came back panting complaining about having stormed out by mistake

and i thought to myself
and i came to realize

oh man i wasnt aware what these tiny things imply

and how different thing could be without this sms

thank you for looking at my weather.

living out

couple of times a week comes the moment when im half awake lying on bed not quite muscle fatigue but sense to move be lost not even to flip feeble to shoot a twitch and the the some visual electrifies is dreaming an active motion is thinking an active motion we claim no control of what we think or do we no one puts it there not the supreme not the devilish and not myself some mystic might odd enough live with it limitations and confinement existence in this external cosmo limitations and confinement air is not free breath stinks - - - - - what do hong kong people do in a funeral fold lots of paper and burn them all mourn at the ashes would rather not reflect and be absorbed into the atmos

Social Media ROI... with local case reference... ROAR

why do i whine
im quite pretty sure if it aint officework but schoolwork i would
quite like it

just a lot of researches
and u said you love learning
reading texts online
you called it new information new knowledge

ha

isnt it better than writing reports?
mechanical but concrete
like
boring but real
easy to master
easy to
you see progress
and its dull
but you see lines after lines appearing

and research
you read lines after lines and all appearing is
abstractions in your mind
well
a lot of uncertainties
you never know if you are getting the right things
but you gotta turn your brain on

reason for paralysis during weekends huh

like you hold a sieve and you wanna contain water
from an ocean
you wanna fill the bucket but
the sieve has holes too large
nets too sparse
oceanic water draining

but would you rather be spooning water from ocean with a sieve
than
spooning paint
heavy and dense
inorganic

fact: i only want to spoon on bed

countdown is Schmerzen
bereits vermisse ich dich
help help help help helpless me

enada endauljuns

ficikaletie and cenceicionz
aha aha
wai wud i aefa phing i cud b dipharunt
saum endauljuns
ntarustinc
ai kaen oumoust krieit mai own laengwaig
aha aha

enada endauljuns

ai dzast won tu zpaezm on a baed
akcion in cink
zwinc

tsraegaa bzi jou waest
aha aha

endauljuns

MIKA - Relax, Take It Easy (New Version)

been too tired to write
and...music speaks louder than text so
here it goes...

my new motto at work...

Glee on Tour - Der 3D Film - Deutscher / German Trailer

bin bereit!!! :PPP

bed time and day time encounters

i never quite hear anything
except

the ticking of the clock
--could have smashed it against the wall
or need it a digital clanker

the wheels out there whistling on the road
--not so highway but
they sound like lights flying across in an optic fibre anyways

the motor of the temperature adjuster
--do i prefer temperature or sound disturbance?
could have let air in but it is always mosquito-borne
need just some alkali

phuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

at copley i heard my own heartbeat

°°°

the people are nice
thankful for that
a very encouraging
a talk out of work
a pushing and forcing

different treatment
tension for a 恨鐵不成鋼

i mean...
its a matter of perspectives

and i feel like im getting it :]

subtlety

intense i thought i aint the kind
been acting with flamboyancy

calamity in s'ciety
people in delivery
forcing in s' subtlty

hunching pushing chemistry
in a cold office called misty
cov' in wool and cough like sheeps
shepherd be unspoken peeks

of so much restrain where's the t

speaker belongs to the sea
waves and ripples be carried
riding down the great abyss

where's my sainsbury feed
qdoba beat
and
some quacamole please

parents' kids

mr elder cousin
six years my senior
is getting married next year

with a girl
one year older than im

and we were calculating how old the girl is gonna be

and it was like
oh
so
30 and 23

and

its not about the optimal age for marriage
but

the conversation went like

me: jesus so im turning 23 this year
AND
I FEEL LIKE IM JUST 19

mental age

and my mum and dad were like
dad: oh yea i keep thinking u r 18 19 too

lollllll

immer
immer
immer jung
und klein

in ihrer Augen

Viel Sorgen
Viel Liebe

Eltern der Kindern

wish i were 16 :P

Forever Young -- JayZ

question to ponder: when do we turn from a kid into an adult?
is it when they get kids?

自悠自在

今天高興到不行
當然笑中有累
不過

快樂得充滿感動

謝謝

掩面盜吻
太好笑

開始覺得
我在你面前
幾乎到了一個我可以徹底自在的地步

因而弱智

很難得

就似我昨晚在街上大唱
"因為寶寶你是煙～花
來吧讓人看你多～珍貴
令他們噢～噢～噢～
像你在天空中飛擦過～～～"

當時父母姐姐在身邊
對對對
我的失儀令他們稍感尷尬
不過
我樂於當他們的笑泉

我顧不上旁人目光
人生若要顧上太多儀態也沒趣
我只希望把我的快樂也分享出去

原諒我笑得全街和全車箱也聽到
我不是想惹人羨慕
只是

有你
我不能自已

'在你面前
幾乎到了一個我可以徹底自在的地步'
多難得

所以我事無大小都講
因為
我當了你是自己

自悠
自在

感謝

Long Hair

in love with charlie ;)

i want a big green grassland

i thought im the adaptive type
turns out
its like
im a sheep
who could live with other sheeps
or goats
or cows too
and horses

and camels
and perhaps ostrich
or
hm

bears?
if it wont hurt me

lions and tigers
if i dont fall their prey

but
never fishes

u kiddin me?
i dont breath under water
i live on land

or are they mammals or reptiles covered in scales
missing my herbivores.

fgms wl ih md b

b md
ch sn
srsl md
l
cnt wr t l
a
z
z
z

explication:
fragments weil ich muede bin
bin muede
chi sin
seriously muede
like
cant write (forgotten lol)
ah
z
z
z

sor gwa

dear mariam,

like
putting on the burqa and say
ah yes feeling comfortable observing the world through the burqa in the tent
whilst
not being seen

unfair standings
high low positions
looking down upon
and looking up for

like
hearing people without participating
and deceiving oneself
ah understanding it all
not taking another role
some more perspectives
lacking a complete dimension
failing a full image
being never able to
be

come out seclusive
show courage and bear the risk
to overcome what needed be overcome

http://debatepedia.idebate.org/en/index.php/Debate:_Ban_on_Muslim_burqa_and_niqab

e Vielfalt

wie
eine unterschiedliche Sprache zu sprechen
also verstehen die Menschen oder verstehen sie nicht.

also
lesen und uebersetzen
wie so
es gibt Vielfalt
Erklaerungen sind zwar unwichtig

egal
wahr oder unwahr sind gleich: klein
Ein Gegensatz aber nicht.
Verwicklung.

und Kafka hat die Schwierigkeit dargestellt
in einigen Fehlanpassungen der Welt zu leben.
also

Verwandlung die Loesung ist?

Gebrauch-es-oder-verlier-es --> die neue Sprache und die neue Haltung

Unseres Blau

`In the sky, a few gray, cauliflower-shaped clouds drifted by. Jalil had taught her that gray clouds got their color by being so dense that their top parts absorbed the sunlight and cast their own shadow along the base. That´s what you see, Mariam jo, he had said, the dark in their underbelly.`

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

what about a cloudless clear sky?

THE declaration

i believe in the innateness of good virtue in every human being
in spite of its being susceptible to changes
influences from the external
mutation from within unjustifiable
no seed of evil in plain white soil
but acid droplets permeate through layers of soil
rocks, sands, and clay
polluting the earth of good virtue

but goodness has to be the majority
and goodness has to prevail among many tiny dots of negativity

when someone is flawed
there is a reason behind
and no one has the right to judge
contempt unjustifiable but relocate the blade
when one points at others one points at oneself with three other fingers

i believe in the absolute equality of every creature
of various species, races, sex, gender, social backgrounds of any type: religious and wealth
despite acknowledging Darwin´s proposal of
survival of the fittest
the Darwin socialism

natural selection
but there is natural creation:
the mere existence of something near extinction still worths something
means something
to things we should care
and we should care
some intrinsic values
some aesthetics
some
metaphysics

variety is a prize
and monotony is disease
devaluing mind power
heart and soul
robotizes and kills

approximation of
pantheism?

so stop being just me
be others be us
be broad and varied
be empathetic and loving for all

variety of wellness
so bad is also good in some sense
good for one and bad for the other
still its good from some perspective
grasp and inhale it

two sides
opposite yet supplementary
complements and encircles
paradox has equal emphases on both
cyclically eternal
embraces all

etwas zu sagen

Halo.
Pause.

Wetter und Arbeit.
Pause.

Lange Pause.

Laenger Pause.

Ich frage mich,
Was mehr zu sagen.
Daran denke ich.

Pause.

Antwort finde ich nicht.

Aber noch

Pause

Vielleicht.
Oder nicht.

Pause.

Ich weiss nicht.

Aber vielleicht

Ein bisschen ein bisschen.
etwas zu sagen.

Vielleicht

Sternen und Nacht.
Musik und Kunst.
Sprechen wir noch ueber etwas.

Haben wir die Faehigkeiten verloren, einfach etwas zu sagen?

Aber
Schwarz und Weiss sind nicht nur Gegensatz, oder?
Sie brauchen ein ander um zu existieren.

Fuer ihre gibt es auch etwas schwerig
ich direkt zu sein
Aber die undirekte Seite ist noch etwas, oder?

timeout

i smell it
like a dog
and i recede
like a wave
its periodical
so
rather unchangeable
headstrong impossiblility

i call a timeout
so i could pull it to a halt
before it turns from amber to black
drizzle into rainstorm

goes too destructive
tiresome tug of war
guessing is worse
i would rather fall into a trench or a pit than
to consume my energy for
futility
(how is it supposed to end)

not a complain
but
oh yea

im just
tired

to be after perverts
and fishes

mermaid you stink

ah im alright
just yet to be accustomed to this sickening world

By My Side - David Choi - Official Music Video

belong to the pool

B taught me this metaphor of swimming

So like
A swimmer doesn't give up on swimming even he or she knows that
There is always the risk of spasm or
Bad safe guard so
Getting drown
Ah
So many possible unexpectables that could
Or would never
Come into existence

Sad and impossible pessimism
Uncertainties prevail
Insecurity reigns
But upheld are pillars of mutual support
On solid ground of honesty and humility before reality
away Casted instabilities

Oh dear this soul is gem
koala referring to her tree

I see what awaits in front of us =]

google translate: 8084

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA im just being mo liu and google translated my own last blog entry. this is hilarious lol. have a laugh :P

奉獻和精度

有沒有被2週
看到
這個鐵擊醫生我把我的奶奶到日常
，他
有穩定的比我的手
我喜歡看到他傳播的深紅色紅色粉末上粘貼
與此kiddish冰棒棍
彷彿他是傳播雪白奶油，平滑的頂部的一個生日蛋糕
慶祝誕生的人文關懷和關注

有些人天生對某些職業
有些是天生的照顧別人

深紅色紅色粉末為血瘀
巧克力色粉骨癒合
啊
我可能是一個下巴文檔了。
哦是啊，為什麼我完全不知道如何包裝和解開
逐層
凡士林混合基粘貼在凡人與 pestal
（什麼是凡人啊LOL）
粉末和粉末的兩側或他們打下了彼此
紗布之上
坐在棉膠圍
也fertig。

哦是啊她的腳踝骨骨折
one破片是完全分離和流離失所
向上滑
我知道它傷害了很多
像
尖角刺入肌腱和肌肉

和她的大腳趾也有刺激
AY

我們的骨頭我的家人。
啊所以人們不停地說我看起來像我的奶奶，當我還年輕
現在我覺得我不只是看，但IM真的很喜歡，她以各種方式
骨質脆弱，固執
多？

哈哈，我十分痛恨她LOL

什麼是醫生
80歲

哦親愛的我缺乏耐心。
不過來的
醫生 doesn't能看到她的轟鳴聲24-7

8084

devotion and precision

has it been two weeks
of seeing
this iron hit doctor i bring my granny to everyday
he
has hands steadier than mine
i love seeing him spreading the crimson red powder on the paste
with this kiddish Popsicle stick
as if he is spreading snow white cream, smoothing the top of a birthday cake
celebration of the birth of human care and concern

some people are born for some occupations
some are born to care for others

crimson red powder for blood stasis
choco colour powder to heal bones
ah
i could be a chin doc now.
oh yea why not i totally know how to wrap and unwrap
layer by layer
vaseline mix with base paste in mortal with pestal
(ah what is mortal lol)
powder and powder on opposite sides or they lay over each other
gauze on top
cotton sitting on glue encircles
also fertig.

oh yea her ankle bone is fractured
one broken piece is completely detached and displaced
slid upward
i know it hurts a lot
like
sharp points piercing tendons and muscles

and her big toe has spur too
ay

bones of our my family.
ah so people kept saying i looked like my grandma when i was young
now i think i dont just look, but im really like, her, in various ways
bone fragility, stubbornness
and more?

haha and i totally hate her lol

what is a doctor
80 year old

oh dear i lack the patience.
but come on
a doctor doesnt get to see her 24-7 roar

九型人格分析

第七型	快樂主義型、豐富型、活躍型、創造可能者、享樂型  13%
第九型	和平型、和平者、和諧型、維持和諧者  13%
第八型	領袖型、能力型、挑戰者、保護者、權威型  12%
第二型	助人者、全愛型、助人型、成就他人者、博愛型  12%
第五型	智慧型、觀察者、思想型、理性分析者、思考型  11%
第一型	完美主義者、完美型、改革者、改進型、秩序大使  11%
第四型	藝術型、浪漫者、自我型、憑感覺者  10%
第三型	成就者、事業型、成就型、實踐型  9%
第六型	忠誠型、忠誠型、尋找安全者、謹慎型  8%

我的九型人格分析？

!!! 享樂型 haha
bb lets go 享樂 together :P

why fifth and forth not the biggest part ga lolll

whatever, crossroad or blind end

明知不可為而為之
takes
courage
and
Faith

or does it take stupidity and luck.

and im mistaking impulsiveness as courage

and i dont have the wit
to supplement the faith
the knowledge
not even the tactics to act like im well
i fail to even deceive
renders this thing called
faith
blind and feeble

fragile and vulnerable
to even even just
nothing
it could burst from within
if i dont start remedying

or has it been already too late
everything too fast

friends think im an achiever
i think i just have a lot of luck
i go with my heart
and instincts

which might be a good thing
but
only im really so saa tue

now seriously
trapped

i think its making me worse
i think im making myself worse

ah
but
what should i do now?

crossroad or
blind end

let free let it be
dont think
come on
even if it fails it would have been worthwhile oder?

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

wow
so like
all of a sudden someone just
disappeared

like
hien
who mo la la deactivated his facebook, which is the only medium we had in common
and
we dont have many mutual friends for me to peep into his life
now like
gone

and like
weiwei
who yau mo la la deactivated her facebook
hmm
unreliable web of social networking

and like
priya
who just went back on facebook (yay! lol)

i mean
i just wish to know my friends are doing well
this is nothing too great loving of me
its rather selfish
like
i need to know people are being well to feel alright and happy
bizarre
what am i
why do i live UPON other people

like
ldermort
who
really went
blank
not just facebook
but
blank
arbitrarily
in almost all ways
active shutting down of both
sender and receiver

okay
we all want to protect ourselves
manifestation of selfishness?
or maybe its not too wrong to be selfish huh?

but are we being protected now we hide from one and other?
whatever
im too tired too selfish to even bother about this any more

i know people come and go
and i almost foretell the unpleasantness next time we meet
but
it just doesnt feel too right
to
have people
vanish in short time

too abrupt
too like a waterfall
i think i like seas and oceans better
still in motion
with waves
but not
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

.but i will get used to living under
falls.
hmm the water hits and it sorta feel good to be massaged and trained and ran upon. violent water.

ah robots.

oddness
and paradoxes

like my torturing people i love
like
i hit her but my heart aches when i heard her saying
ah its painful

and i have no patience for her?
and i want her die

like
my losing control though i know
committing
something is
unsuitable (its not wrong though, is it? what perspective do i hold.)

but ration failed anyways

everything takes impulse to complete
good thing or
bad thing
right thing and
wrong thing
ay.

cause we are humans of
complexity
delicacy

but these things are the things that
matter
the most

and when i close my eyes shut myself down in tiredness i hear your voice

or
is it better to be less serious
about life and everything therein contained
could i live without thinking

to give judgments
if things are right or wrong
and to give values
if things worth it or not
can every single thing just be equally very important and valuable
every act just meaningful and correct?
like
the aesthetic value of arts
the value of the art itself, independent of things beyond
voided of evaluation from an
outside?
angle

could things ever be disconnected from other disciplines tho?
i thought i loved interdisciplinary studies?

ah
robots.

could i not write
could i not think
or
live

dammit this is so dark lol ah...but im okay :)

honesty and directness. again

晚上的硬火騰折
使我生氣了
早上的軟炮
使我崩瀆大哭:

都是我的錯

如果你是想復仇的話
你大既是成功了

你憎恨我 決定無視我
我不願意但 絕對尊重你的決定
但
你為什麼要向我解釋你的行動呢?
你要否決我就直接用行動否決我吧
一刀劈下
乾脆利落
有必要用言語一箭箭射死我嗎?

一個劊子手怎麼會向犯人形容死亡一刻他將要面對的夢魘?

那是極致的暴力

但我理解
從你的角度看
我也是暴徒 叛賊
所以
是我活該

我是活該

我以為你清楚知道我的弱點
也以為你知道我們無心虧負你
我以為
誠懇老實
是一段良好關係的基本因素
是開始關係的先決
維持關係的必需

修補關係的針線
原來我錯了

也許應該耍個手段
顧你的感受
說些白謊話
含一口我不喜歡的蜜

但我以為你老早就知道我
誠實
直接
單純
愚蠢
我以為你都欣賞我這些東西

我投降了
你也沒有贏
我們誰都是輸家
輸得徹底
輸得一敗塗地

我無氣無力了
迫出了一些淚水 但是額頭發不出熱
只希望可以大病一場然後
以為自己睡過一夢
就算

是我意志薄弱
我只想倒下

看完第四回的判刑書
受軟不受硬的我罪疚感來襲
猛責怪自己
然後

竟然
有一刻
我
以為我想把美好的事情放棄
換個清白的名聲
以為我寧為烈士
放棄寶貴如生命的人 事 物 換一個
虛幻的美名
innocence

但心裡的一位
和
身邊的一位
叫我撐下去

我聽他們的話
幾乎就馬上發現

負自己的是自己
捆自己的是自己
我們都是自私自我的奴隸
要解放奴隸
就要解上自己綁上的 緊緊的結
送給我們的

是我想多了
那不是仇恨
不拿刀子只握筆
讓我說最後一次的
對不起

現在準備要走出黑漆的幽谷了
我希望
我們都可以
即使步伐不一 方向不同
我們都要盡快走出去
共勉之

總之
過程出錯
但結果沒有
因此無悔

fuck the hypocrite blogger

if this blog makes whoever unhappy
i could just shut it down

from beginning to end i should have never let anyone read my heart
i thought i could be all honest and stuff
i have warned that i wish i dont know whos reading
dammit
and if i said so i should have never revealed it to anyone
hypocrite me

so this goddamn blog is a sign of selfishness
i write what i think and feel
and
people read it and get bothered

apology
and
fuck my life

nonono im not angry or anything
it just
works the wrong way

im upset when you are upset

my fault
fuck my life.

everything just brightens up
and i reread my previous puzzlements
they make me smile
puzzle pieces lost and found

and i am curious about the ''counter puzzlements''
i promise: no laugh
just
delight and blushes

and emotions are infectious

i am so very happy
(not hyper, in a negative sense: hyper to internalize the upness.
the outside-in approach.)
im happy from within

and
i wanna spread it out so much
or its me who could not help overspilling joy
nothing quite intentional
every bit subconscious
overjoyed

i spend almost the entire day with my family
i talk a lot and i treat everybody so nicely
i think they like it a lot too
happy fathers day
for fathers
and people who have the courage to love children
care for people
take up responsibilities to care and love for people
°easier said than done
but i see actions from people around me
i could burst into tears for these wonderful beings

i asked my father if he regretted building a family
i mean
no easy task raising two kids no?
and both papa and mama said
no regrets
they wanted to just give
never expected reward in any ways
gosh this is so insane

i might sort of understand it but
really?
so selfless?
or...
maybe the family is themselves too
could i regard the whole universe as myself?
all humanities
crazy

like
human rights activists
thats
aaaaaaaaaa lot
of love and
fright

its like
risking oneselfs wellbeing for some other people
i mean
if i dont give a damn about other people i could always be
calm and not-unhappy
in contrast with people who care
and risk being
disappointed
saddened
worried
given up
but also
cheered
supported
cared
loved

arent all festivals just celebrations for love?
yes every single one of them about human relationships of all kinds

or do i unconsciously have a purpose being so happy today?
i might want
people and my family to like the present-me
the me who is happy
from within
the me who wants to love
and make everyone else loves

wow i sound like a saint now but yes im a disciple of love of all kinds
between people and about nature and other creatures and all

feeling quite
different from how i usually am
still
weird but
i will make weirdness normality
yes will do
as long as it could be
ah!

雨季的邊緣回憶

在滂沱大雨下走
感覺不難受

我會想起中四的一個下午
短短從禾輋街市跑到學校的一段路
沒有雨傘的我們在街市出口
我在算著要趕回校準備辯論的事
心急得可以不顧一切就衝過去

心想
濕了也不要緊
年輕的我們即使病倒亦回復得快
而且我從來想越線做些不應該的事
如在大雨中漫步
如在風球高懸的日子下街吹醒一下自己
那是大自然給我的提醒

你一副亳不憂心的樣子
繞到士多開口與老闆談上幾句
我心裡覺得異樣
暗想師兄怎麼輕重不分

趕時間哪哪哪~~~

噢原來
突然已經借來了雨傘
奇妙的事情

人都是善心的動物
不是社交能力
而是你早早和他們就是朋友
嗯
驚奇又驚喜了的我一臉驚訝
不莫名的感動
哇 想大叫一聲與眾人擁抱

拿過雨傘就撐開準備走
三四分鐘的腳程在大雨下我倆兩分鐘就跑過
怎麼我覺得那幾刻鐘好像幾小時
受保護的片刻
偷了不屬於我的親切

我們的身高不一
腳長有別
跑的一剎還算可以
是因為在小傘下我們擠得夠迫
只是到達有蓋的走廊後一看
我依然濕了小半邊身
你依然濕了大半邊身
哈哈哈

有趣的事
可惜我忘了人的名字

°°°
所以我也不怕冒雨從崇基圖書館走去火車站
因為總有親切可偷
:)
感謝

idealisation recall

: it takes blank time of broken contact

i wish i could tell everything to you
but what if the thing that bugs me most is no other thing but?
the bug that stings
nothing painful just
itchy
still quite unbearable
from physique to psyche
it bugs

and there is this constant fear of
the more i expose the uglier of me i show
true disciple of idealisation
screw this word

i talked about it and it all sounded so nice
yes it is for people around me
people only become better and nicer and lovelier because i
forgo their bad sides and retain and exaggerate their good
but

conversely
the more
concrete and real interaction we have the less this
scary and nice and well-intended machine would work

should i just disappear for a week?
i wish i wont regret if it disperses after a week
at least i would have protected myself from another well
- drained or full i shall not want
or i would have allowed time for fate to work
for imagination to actualise

lies are not lies
they could be truth if we make them be
and truth aint constant
it changes
might be into lies

i just think i sound pathetically annoying and stupid and unlovable punkt
curse my doubt but like
if it takes or will take effort, this is not natural?
why on earth am i looking for nature in everything its making me super submissive and lazy and unproductive and
trashy

im a pond of stagnancy. too calm. couldnt bear even just one drop extra
ripples linger and shake my whole
Aber wohin fließt dein Fluss?
ich kann mein Leben nie nie nie verstehen.

paradoxes prevail. even at times when im supposed to be asleep in dream
screw stars and night.
screwwwww me

oh dear i dont get that at all no i aint a philosopher im just a pathetic being
doing stupid overthinking
sentimentality this thing i thought i would never cling but okay now im so horribly sentimental at night on this page
i wish i wont spill it
jesus i didnt give permission to my parents to bring me into being ROARRRR give me my birth right i would rather be never alive.

or
why aint i a cypress?

roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr schizophrenia lol

visual arts

photographs are deceptive
more deceptive than paintings

: whilst i look at pictures
i see almost just happy faces
people dont usually take pictures when people are not in the mood to be taken a picture of
aka the happy mood
aka the okay shoot my happy face mood
i.e. absence of the more prevalent unhappy moments
or at least
rage and sadness are underrepresented
loss and despair

but for paintings
its almost very often about these understated emotions
very often about inexplicable subtlety

ofcourse skills count in frames of pictures
but not the skill to paint accurately
but the instinct
to represent oneself via brushstrokes
and colours
and some other inexplicables of arts

and they often vary from one person to another
the techniques or channels
the representations

there could be misinterpretation
but art should allow free interpretation
valid understanding out of context
new creation out of preexisted ideas
the author has a vision and reader has another
the speaker has an intention the listener has another
it impedes precision of message transmission
yet brings about new simulations
new possibilities and directions
breeds the new

language is more than just tool this i proclaim

this world is too complex to be understood
ever changing settings
ever changing people
ever changing art and style and trend and
just everything

openness and liberalism.

some more Overinterpretaemotion

p.s. i overinterpret all the time because i live on intensity
feel free to hop off midway
caution: this entry is intense :P

could we just let it
explode?
if i aint
misinterpreting anything
let it erupt
as wildly as insanely as unexpectedly
lest
we would regret
we would have missed the glow

i thought you like fireworks

now its like
too many calculations
too many hesitations
too
unnatural

or
what is nature?
human nature connotes complexity
hence
doubts
incessant doubts
hesitations
uncertainties
fearfulness
for things that are not even scary in the slightest sense

fear is a human invention
subjective
and
it makes me sad

do i sound western? casual and not thoughtful enough
but what exactly is thoughtfulness
and does it always do us good

and i screw rationality in this
a thing that
is less about math
and ration
more about intuition
emotions
affections

its impulse

°
bygones are moments of teases
a false start
i beg followed by a rosy road
and bygones are bygones
lets just focus ahead

but if i push it way too hard its gonna fracture, or will it not?
like my fucking arm
when i tried too hard to support myself once i fell
i broke a part in me
and it could be so broken that its
beyond repair
and steel has to be installed
permanently
and i have to internalize steel
assume i was born with it to live with it

i could go steel if needed
but i wont let my sponge be lost
i need to absorb
and absorp
i could get poisoned in this room of
toxic gas
and im still spongy receptive to heavenly fluid

morbid
but floral morbidity

fingers crossed
uncertainty gushes my veins
valves closing trying to halt unease
frailty
failure me

self protective mechanism tuned in
i dim the light and hide
in this fucking closet
where are my headphones i loathe the noise
the deep voice murmuring in my ears
my eardrums vibrating beating techno
But weep i miss the sound of wind
the swishing sound
even its insecurity
i like it natural

i need it natural

step out
put away our goddamn earphones
listen to your heart
and
fall into
freedom and love

°
what is you
or
would we just scrape it, past or future

°
silly enough i think
i live to bring happiness
meaning of life so suddenly found
yes i think my life is bits of other peoples lives together
so relativist

and if im delivering annoyance and troubles
for your wellbeing, which is my wellbeing too
i would rather depart.
adios and
all the best

this sounds so familiar.
Zendagi migzara.

p.s. dont worry, this is literary creation.
and i have everything fixed before i fell asleep last night.
got this healthy. worldly mentality.
hi five sophistication.

Thank You For The Music - Hidden Track - Mamma Mia The Movie

REPOST!
this song is my gemstone.

high temperature

heat kills germs
my fever kills insanity
the tide is receding and im steering myself to
modesty

behold this closet of seclusion
the threshold to this other space
single dimensional
a dot with no significance
senseless
or has it been just
blank?

beware that senselessness is sensible in a way
for it is still a signifier
signifying abstraction
quite some hollowness

the twisted
Diego José Francisco de
Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de
los Remedios Cipriano de
la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y
of alteration

what am i babbling about

the temperature will go
i will come out of the shade

°°°
yesternight i was saying to a friend
in the tone of consolation that
´when theres a will
theres a way´

again
im not so convinced by
things i hang on my tongue so oft

i just am used to play the therapist role
always feel obliged to sound positive

no complaint
i mean
its alright
no use infecting each other depression
when someone come to you saying he or she is not alright
you dont drag him further down and be his or her inmate
even if its arbitrary you say
come on cheer up add oil blahblahblah
its just better for both
showcase the
will to be
up and free
prisonbreak thyself

unrestrained by tiny troubles and problems
chains and cuffs
and everything is tiny
tiny indeed

°°
yet still occupied

or maybe its just my inefficiency
or maybe im not so determined
or maybe i dont feel the rush
totally deserve it. being non judgmental
but i deserve it.

refractive truth: overinterpretation

i claim your statement my present
a challenge or a doubt you have
about us
response as follows

ration and reason matter not when it comes
for life is random and illogical
rules and criteria melt
because breaking free of constraints and expectations is the ultimate goal

miraculous
- is something that is irregular and unusual
but what is usualness anyway?
isnt it wonderful if we could be miraculous

embrace being extraordinary

there is no should be or should not be
there is no truth and untruth
no reality versus illusion
because we could turn dreams into reality if we feel like to
actualisation

light refracts
but after refraction it still gives an approximation of
the truth
which, nevertheless
is a subjective construction
cause we see through our subjective eyes

its not about how we are
its about how we want us to be
and we could give it a try
ha thought you are the bold impulsive type of person
lets just go with our heart
follow our instincts
think not
we could be

compulsively impulsively intuitive

sorry
i rob you your statement
do you feel like being mugged though
hug
°°°

ironically i hate it when
my mum gets irrational
where her logic is
where my patience is
ughhhhh

dai sai chew me

How To Draw a Boy Using the Word "Boy"

mo liu but
lolllllllllllllll

because 1:03 totally looks like 豬名寺 亂太郎 to me XDDDD
the hair is wrapped

wahahahahahahahaha im so mo liu...
and this blog is so indulgent...
i could type all day to kill time (faintttttttttt).

she is sleeping more and more
actually sleeping so much like hibernating though
this summer is vapourising water from even graveyard
some meters beneath which is
hell
soil dry and cool and
lifeless
nothing but deadly

or is there soil at all
could be just an incomprehensible space
entirely empty
hollow
a bizarre dimension where no one alive understands
some psychics may do but they still hold a living perspective
so dry its pretty much like west european winter
rigorous

she has been dozing off all the time
feebly leaning against the black long leather cushion
slanted
both she and the cushion
and
she has began to smell like leather
dead animal skin: fancy and disgusting

skin gradually losing its sheen
dull and wrinkly
hair not completely silverised but i see its fragility
easily observable from her dusty comb
i figure white black mix is worse than all shiny silver

and her uselessness
you smell pee in the toilet
and her linen
and her clothes
maybe not so now we make her use diaper

i rid her naked
sorry
brutally enough
literally and metaphorically

but she had her working blade in her wallet
the blade which she used to feed her kids
and grandchildren

we hairdress her
and sometimes dress her
during the un action you see her droopy breasts
wrapped in folded skin
sorry for the explicitness
but this is no eroticism at all
just plain truth
not even ugly
just loyal to facts
every morning dews are dried
every year flowers wilt and die

since a year ago reluctant to bath (or has it been longer than that)
since some years ago reluctant to leave home
bad feet jointing hurting knees jointing a paper thin torso
and some more years i thought these were jokes
incredible physical malfunctions which i despise
that she walked slowly (come on she walked like jogging when i was a kid)
like natalie portman disbelieving in charlie tahans lactose intolerance

i thought she was just being obnoxious
intentionally pissing people off
demanding attention doing incredibly careful acting

but this world is indeed pretty simple and honest in some ways
curse my stupidity
my heart was narrow

now i look through her decline
and know its real
perhaps sad
or not so when its inevitable
so i thought i would kill myself when i malfunction at like sixty

inevitable death too
ahead
°

today i got a strong feeling that she is dying soon
this lady who sees me grow my entire life
this lady whom i see her grows old my entire life
its saddening
and perversely enough its
liberating

perplex
or maybe not so when
life and death are so simply naked rules that all creatures abide to

i hope i dont sound too bitter
because i really am not
ripple on a lake

aha now she is up from nap
driving her rolling walker checking the house
still my grandma.

gotta switch on the light for her tiny eyes
which still see
through life
and death
and me

06051905 i trim her nails

my heart was hanged the entire day

my heart was hanged the entire day
for this message that i could unleash
my glands
lacrimal for tears
and sudoriferous for sweat
thank you for the disturbance. i needed to be stirred up to figure out myself
such a mess

have you ever been in this state
tears near to flow but you, with effort, hold it back
give this blink blink eye
at the brim and at the rim the heart screams
but unheard
because it is not physical
emo
( oh maybe emo subtlety makes a being a person. i.e. being human means being human. but i secretly think animals have human emotions too)
but your heart scream deafens you and forbid you from hearing the world
the external aka the real the objective

have you ever been in this state
when you feel the inner heat
you think you might be covered in a thin film of sweat but
when you lay your palm on your skin
like the side of your neck or the back of your shoulder
you only feel the heat of your palm
no moist no moist at all
hmm trick yourself into thinking: maybe it is the hong kong humidity
shrug
i wish i aint an endotherm
so im even more adaptive and could hibernate and take real long sleeps when feel like to

distractive writing
now i return to this difficult personal issue
so dear river, should i study or should i work?
i would bet im the 'happy go study' type but
come on everybody has to work for at least a while
maybe i am actually the 'happy go live, study or work' type
how would i know when i havent started working

(it amazes me how i always sound so happy. but i havent figure out if it is real or it is just manners or am i being self deceptive or something...
human thoughts and self consciousness kill me all the time)

or there is not the binary opposition at all
even i got accepted into wherever i still have one year before i take off
(oh dear it is so exciting and scary to be out of hong kong! seriously wherever will do. verrueckt und unsinnvoll aber wahr!)
but now where i should place my heart, work or school. aint a multitasker not for now.

okay im gonna be systematic. PLEDGE.
alternate my days, one day for job app and the next for sch app.
wahaha i sound so clever and wise

yo i dragged my heart back on the balanced ground. vielleicht :P
hilarious i always i ask i answer:
this is how a seemingly emotionally stable person treats his or her emotional turbulences
squirm. squint. SMILE!

Post to share: The Optimism Bias

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2074067,00.html?xid=fblike

so its not just me who is overly optimistic
hmmmmm
i figure my whatsoever fantasisation idealisation and stuff r all fruits from this tree of optimism :P

life too mellow to be real.
i must have gone crazy or something
GO ACHIEVERS!

human relation. ideally.

hard diction. soft content.
i needa write hard to formularise.

writing as an idealist:

friends
are to attract and to be attracted

one way to enable active attraction is to cater to what the opponent like
ofcourse one could say that the active doer could then be a hypocrite
for he or she sort of alter his or her true self to cater to the other being
and yet
cater to does not necessarily carry negative connotation
if one treasures a friend as such
that he or she cares about the positive being of the other person
is it really a wrong thing to change the self a bit
as long as he or she feels comfortable to?
this echoes to the idea of to be attracted
so you actively present an aspect of you (might be an immediate acquisition, still modest) that the other person would like
so this friend would be attracted.

of course everything is done rather unconsciously or subconsciously
curse me the conscious

the cool way to do
on the other hand
is be yourself
as cold as stern as cool as unapproachable
seemingly negative but again not necessarily
being distinct and special is appealing to some people
then this special qi would get some, a few or a lot, people
or by chance and randomness
a person gets to meet new people and make friends
however great an extent the relationship would develop into
as shallow still, its friendship of a kind

though i wonder
when two people know each other and value each other
there is the force of 'i would evolve for your good'
or is there not?

needless to say this is also unconscious
but there is this thing going on

like
when the well being of this friend becomes part of your joy
this is really nothing too noble or fancy
i believe it is in everybody

a night of inspiration
though it was induced by a not so positive case study

christ my friends are amazing

what am i imagining about?

if it goes your pace
its gonna be the speed of light
less than a month
and less than six months

we blow and it will be blown
too fast

and we are both
sort of
sophisticated
knowing things change
for no reason
or reasons too negligible
the external changes
we are too mini to control even just ourselves

if i am allowed to use your logic
in your correct way
i figure you have something
at least the negligible something
rather than a stark blankness
or weak pink
too sickening this color
or baby blue?

the pool to dive into
full of tangible nothingness
little lives and little babies
mellow odor and visual stimulations
tactile coolness

we are sensitive to
weird things

what am i imagining about?
hasnt it been just less than an hour
crimson red

in an other world

a gem in this
a sand in that
the two worlds the mismatch
incomparable

schizophrenic existence
irreconcilable emos

the humans the flesh
the torso and head
utter distinction
passion turned sour
yet to be pasteurized
fermenting yogurt
need more probiotics

lost in materialism
pseudo retrieval in religions

why have i come into existence in dogma and sarcasm

°°°
been in this other word
met this other guy
wish his shade would stay
i could slice a piece for his direct simple otherness

humbly

Any Other World

oddly enough it pissed me off
the
nice ness
thy broadness

cursedly worse

curd of bean i need to rinse the minced pork
you passed me
the smell truly provocative
veggie me

oh my olfactory

dimmed thy vision and tactition
reversed audition and gustation
awkward sensory
whatever chemistry and biology

leave me your trigonometry

~you can tell the dif fe rence
and let it un furl
in to bro ken rem nants

alcohol is a magnifier

gulu gulu down poured down the elixir
fruity and floral
so womanly

down an esophagus

diffusion and capillary
tunnel through the protein blocks
into this world of flying red beans

so womanly

hormonal gush
countenance in a maze
lost and beam of ration still says
one direction and you would escape

a deer in a forest

the heart bumps like it trots
throb throb throb

toxicly alcoholic

inexplicably happpppiiiii

im so exciteddddd

shud be quite unhappy having finished my last paper (oh my heart still aches a bit and i feel the spasm tho im still in general HAPPY lol)

i have always loved writing papers forcing myself to dig deep in a subject and get inspired and learn more through researching or just thinking
i love condensing thoughts and structuring them and all
its painstaking but feels GREAT
so fulfilling so rewarding
oh christ i wrote 4200 words lolll
thats like 2 papers in just 3 or 4 days omg i cant believe
9 pages in total. single spaced
alright i sound bragging now shud know how useless papers now are everyone publishes and submit to overrated journals
and theres grade inflation and stuff hahahaha but i feel like being happy hahahahaha
okay i have judas and the edge of glory with me all the time hahahahahahahahaha

alright i sound really really weird tonight

but now im happy cause
im going to xinjiang so soon
oh i feel the vibeeee yayyyyyyy
ahahahahahaha shudnt be tooooooo hing fun tho
expect less to enjoy the thrill the most ohhhhh but i cant help myself its hilarious

been so happy the entire dayyy!

and im happy when i think abt getting in the whole new world of work
its really weird tho its so abnormal that im so positive and happy and blahblahblah
but im seriously
happy and positive and all im confident and im happy cause i think im gonna be happy in things i find.
i mean i dont think im gonna do what i now want but i think im gonna be placed where im gonna find some new love
like studying english. like studying biology
i mean i never knew i would enjoy it but fate always turns out to be so good to me
have this adaptive and positive and insane gene
so very blessssed

haha pama not at home tonight
and i had a happy day out with gajie
and pama called and i was telling them the same
sounding extremely optimistic about getting a job and im gonna enjoy what i do
cause im adaptive and positive and all
and im so unbelievably capable lolll
alright i admit i have my very subjective understanding of what capable means XD
at least i love what i study and know and think and all
yayyyyyy i just think and im happy
wow so cool i get happy just by thinking!

omg im so abnormally happy tonight

not that strange hyperness but real
joy
ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

and im listening to lenka now!

oh dear and i have such a nice day out under good weather this afternoon
she got what she want and i got what i want: a happy her hahahahahahaha
so precious so precious so precious
had good food and happy conversation fun atmosphere and at night we were talking on my bed and wahhh so rare lollll sort of mo liu because pama not at home but all fine cause im happyyyyy

so stream of consciousness hahahahaha

oh mine im tired but i dont wanna sleep away my happiness
read some catcher in the rye? will it make me cynical again lol

0020: barely started my last essay...

seriously this is the good/ bad attitude i acquired from Steve and Ashley

so those people kept telling me that going out for gelato is more important than staying in to work on papers
that go hang out chit chat drink and play mafia in the common room is more important than stay in to revise for tomorrows test
and we would spend hours talking about things that will not appear on our exam papers
italian christmas (oh dear i miss your panettone and your panna cotta)
and we would spend hours talking about our pasts
you would show me pictures of your home i would google earth to show you where i live
you would tell me about your past insanity and depression and family
and i would listen in amazement
i admire your boldness
too bad im way too obedient hahaha edges lost and missed too much experiences
and i would hear you talk about world politics. always impressed. always.
and i would challenge you though i really knew nothing
random thoughts and creativity
you would like it cause i am an alien in your world
i bring in new excitement.
we just made up bull shit but it was precious. GOLDEN.
and at 2am we would be out in the snow. i would watch you climb up and sit on john carolls lap.
and i walk pass a window i would smash it with a snowball.
and we would walk several blocks just to get one slice of pizza because you feel like having it after alcohol.
i mean. i dont like drinking too much but i love walking with these people.
right these were the petty moments we would later recall, and not those times we seclude ourselves and do things we reluctantly make ourselves to.
exam is important for school and graduation
but chilling is crucial for life.
ofcourse it is great if i enjoy writing my papers so this moment is still meaningful and significant and all
but it really should be no confinement to fun.
crappy excuse
those people seriously work harder than they play thats why they are hoyas
but they play harder than i work and i hardly play at all. shameful.

so at 0015 when i havent written one word for my last essay
im here to type to write to liberate myself
free thoughts like free fall
dangerous and yet
fascinating:

i think he really is my male clone.
i mean...my cousin who is 5 years senior
we think in so similar ways.
it scares me
both our parents think we are similar
ly
rebellious and cynical
and i quite like it
i think he likes it too

or probably it is because i dont know him too well so i could believe there aint any dissimilarities
interesting humand beings

yesterday night he asked my granny
so have you forgiven your mum?
LAUGH OUT SUPER LOUD.

everyone has so interesting storiesssss.

Post to share: 伊斯蘭學者：拉登必上天堂

2011-05-08

前言﹕拉登身亡後，香港媒體集中引述西方報道，對伊斯蘭世界的回應甚少着墨；有說六成內地網民同情拉登，原因也鮮有被分析。奧薩馬（化名）是來自東部的中國境內公認的著名伊斯蘭領袖、學者和阿拉伯語導師，曾往麥加朝聖，在穆斯林群體中廣有影響力。他近日婉拒了眾多中外記者採訪，因為自言觀點與主流媒體太不一致，不希望引起相關組織不便。筆者與他相識多年，不時向其請教伊斯蘭教義，經再三勸說，終獲答允以化名分享他對整件事情的回應，以下與伊斯蘭教義相關的筆錄已經奧薩馬本人核對。筆者對一些觀點自有保留，特別是關於猶太人的論述，但無論我們是否認同，這都是能引起思考的資訊。

問 沈旭暉
香港教育學院文理學院副教授及對外關係統籌主任，香港中文大學全球政治經濟碩士課程客席副教授及統籌

答 奧薩馬
化名，中國境內著名伊斯蘭領袖及學者

訪問助理 李珈慶

拉登數年前已死，美國自編自導自演

沈﹕一般穆斯林對拉登的死有什麼反應？

奧﹕呵呵呵（笑）……很簡單，就是沒有什麼反應。我的即時反應就是如常，沒有理會，因為我覺得整件事情很可笑﹕其實美軍是怎麼殺死他的呢？當我愈花時間去看這新聞，便發現整個事件都是美國自編自導自演製造出來的。我認為被美軍殺死的人不是拉登本人，我估計拉登數年前已死了，但美國是聰明的，等到現在這時機才演這套劇目出來。

沈﹕怎麼知道拉登一早死了？

奧﹕我知道拉登早前身體是不好的，特別是他有腎病。如果你在阿富汗和巴基斯坦那些衛生環境惡劣的地方要洗腎，哪可以像香港一樣隨時進行呢？何况現在說他死在巴基斯坦首都伊斯坦堡近郊的軍事設施附近，那你說巴基斯坦政府不知道，可能嗎？那也是美國劇目的一部分罷了。美國已經不是第一次說謊了，就像伊拉克有什麼大殺傷力武器？其實美國情報知道得很清楚。

沈﹕假如這真是美國自編自導自演的劇目，為什麼要選這時機？

奧﹕呵呵呵（笑）……這事情根本對世界沒有什麼影響，最得益便是美國以及奧巴馬自己。這是一個很特別的時間，美國在阿富汗和伊拉克都沒有進展，經濟也搞不好，必須證明在反恐戰爭交出成績，奧巴馬才可連任。我們的媒體還忽視了一些很重要的事﹕拉登所謂死前，埃及的變化很大，那過渡政府居然讓伊朗軍艦通過蘇彝士運河，巴勒斯坦的哈馬斯及法塔赫剛落實在埃及和解，這些都不符合美國利益，反映奧巴馬不懂處理茉莉花革命，所以這是轉移視線的時機。

沈﹕即是奧巴馬比布殊聰明？

奧﹕數年前我到沙特，很多沙特人跟我說美國不會捉拉登，因為拉登家族跟布殊家族生意太多。這次布殊拒絕到世貿遺址陪奧巴馬演戲，一來覺得沒面子，二來也是因為自己的家族尷尬。

處理「拉登遺體」完全不符伊斯蘭教義

沈﹕美國說根據伊斯蘭教義，已把拉登海葬。假如被殺的真是拉登，美國應如何處理他的遺體呢？

奧﹕根據正宗伊斯蘭教規，必須交由穆斯林自己處理他的遺體。就是美國要自己經手，也要找伊斯蘭宗教領袖主持葬禮。美國說根據伊斯蘭教義完成，難道美軍內有人懂得為拉登讀葬禮經文？

沈﹕那伊斯蘭教有沒有海葬的習慣？

奧﹕只有一種情况﹕假如人在海上死了，到岸上可能要花一兩個星期，才可以海葬。程序是先將遺體潔淨，用白布包裹，進行簡單葬禮，然後放下海。從來沒有穆斯林在岸上死了進行海葬的。

沈﹕美國也說擔心有人會將拉登的墳當作聖地崇拜，所以才海葬。

奧﹕這完全不可能，只反映美國對伊斯蘭教的無知，編寫這劇目時，功課做得不夠好。拉登是屬於瓦哈比派的，他們死後根本沒有墳墓，也不會立碑把名字寫上去。你看信奉瓦哈比的沙特王室死後，哪裏能找到他們的墳？也不過是簡單埋葬而已，在哪裏後人都不知道、也不在意，死了就死了，其他人對他葬在哪裏問也不會問。美國說沒有地方可葬拉登，完全是荒謬。

沈﹕有穆斯林會把墳墓當聖物嗎？

奧﹕什葉派才重視墳墓，像伊朗的霍梅尼死後，他的墳造得很大，花了以億計的美元，很多人到那裏看。蘇菲派的導師死後，有時也是如此，印度、巴基斯坦、中國甘肅、寧夏和青海都有這些墳，但一定不是拉登這派。

穆斯林眼中的拉登﹕動機正義的罪人

沈﹕拉登在穆斯林世界受支持嗎？

奧﹕首先，我們至今不知道9/11是否拉登做的。蓋達組織是沒有地方的，也沒有架構，其實只是一種精神。他的精神像反美、反以色列、支持巴勒斯坦人，這理念很多穆斯林一定支持。如果你的行為是為了正義，為了保護自己的生命、財產、家庭、國家和領土，有什麼問題呢？但如果行為是撞擊那個大廈或炸酒店，令完全無辜的人失去生命，這是沒有穆斯林會認同的，因為這是伊斯蘭教義不容許的嚴重罪行。就是真正的Jihad，都不可以傷害無辜的人。

沈﹕拉登這個人在穆斯林心目中的形象如何？

奧﹕他很虔誠，生活很刻苦，而他是富有的，為何這樣辛苦呢？只是為了他心目中的正義。因此很多穆斯林中都認為他是英雄，起碼出發點是好的。何况我們中國人看面相，你看拉登像是壞人嗎？美國就是利用他的單純來對抗蘇聯。就是9/11真的是他策劃，不少穆斯林也一方面當他是英雄，另一方面不認同他的手法，因為不符合教義，感情是複雜的。

沈﹕為什麼拉登的出發點這麼重要？

奧﹕在伊斯蘭教，意念非常重要，一切出發點一定要為了真主安拉，才可以上天堂。例如就是你捐錢幫助了人，但動機只是沽名釣譽、為了個人利益，也是違反教義的。至於以好的動機做壞事，同樣是違反教義，例如我們穆斯林不可以賭錢，如果你開賭場，說是為了賺錢起清真寺，可不可以？當然不可以。

猶太人才搞恐怖主義，塔利班只是八十後

沈﹕說到底，你認為9/11是一件什麼事？

奧﹕拉登從來沒有說這是他做的，我們至今都有大量真相不知道。有一種說法是9/11是猶太人做的，目的是製造有利的國際形勢，當天很多猶太人沒有上班。這說法在中東廣泛流傳。

沈﹕但世界普遍相信是伊斯蘭激進分子策劃9/11……

奧﹕這個說法是不合理的。以美國今天的軍事科技，伊斯蘭世界確是沒法比的，唯一可以對抗的就是不對稱手段，但這不等於恐怖主義，不等於穆斯林會殺傷無辜。恐怖分子其實是以色列，猶太人做這些是一流的，當年鄂圖曼帝國解體後，英國人都對猶太人的恐怖主義沒有能力應付，穆斯林卻是從來不幹這些的。

沈﹕塔利班、哈馬斯也被一些西方輿論視為恐怖分子，你認同嗎?

奧﹕塔利班執政的時候是有些過火、有些極端，但這只是對教義的理解出現偏差而已，他們的動機是好的。在阿富汗戰爭中，塔利班在最後階段走出來，這些年輕人就像現在香港的八十後，很有理想和衝勁，他們對抗蘇聯的軍隊，怎能算是恐怖分子？就是看後來的行為，塔利班對基本原則都是不會亂來的。再說哈馬斯，自己的國家給人霸佔了，起來反抗，誰是恐怖分子呢？美國把拉登和哈馬斯都當作恐怖分子，又為什麼不打哈馬斯呢？都是為了利益。

沈﹕你看這是反恐戰爭的勝利嗎？

奧﹕呵呵呵（笑）……恐怖主義從來沒有劃一定義，不少穆斯林認為世上最大恐怖分子是美國，很多事情都是他們自己做出來的。你研究國際關係，對這個應該是最清楚的了。

根據伊斯蘭教義，拉登必上天堂

沈﹕有一個說法是拉登以上天堂鼓勵自殺式襲擊者，但根據你剛才的話，拉登假如傷害了無辜的人，就是出發點被認同，也不可以上天堂了？

奧﹕誰上天堂我是不可以判的，只有真主安拉可以判，我只能求主讓他上天堂。何况我們都不知道9/11是否他做，只有真主知道。

沈﹕假如9/11真的是拉登策劃，但他依然希望上天堂，可以如何？

奧﹕殺無辜的人是嚴重罪過，日後要懺悔，求真主的原諒，並要做很多善事及好事來赦罪。

沈﹕根據伊斯蘭教義是可以這樣赦罪來上天堂的？

奧﹕可以的，但要看情况。有人問，殺死人可不可以懺悔？可以。又有人問，我去殺人，我可不可以殺死人後懺悔？這就不可以了，因為這是動機的問題。但我肯定拉登是有懺悔的。

沈﹕何以見得？

奧﹕因為穆斯林每一天都會懺悔，我們說錯話，做錯事，無論是否知道，都要懺悔！呵呵呵（笑）……每人每天都犯很多過錯 ﹐我們穆斯林天天懺悔既是為了自己知道的過錯，也包括了自己不知道的過錯。拉登是很虔誠的穆斯林，所以他就是策劃了9/11、是否主觀知道那是罪，也肯定懺悔了很久。

沈﹕那就可以直達天堂了？

奧﹕不是。一千多年前，有人問先知穆罕默德，殺了人會如何呢？先知說，殺人的人會受到「火獄」的懲罰，但被殺的人也要進入火獄，因為當時雙方的動機都是想殺死大家。當然，現在時代改變了，假如被殺的人真的完全無辜，也可以對教義有新的演繹。

沈﹕火獄就是天堂的對立面，我們常說的地獄？

奧﹕根據古蘭經，信真主的人將來都會上到天堂。但假如穆斯林做了壞事，儘管他會求真主原諒，但真主原諒多少是沒有人知的。他死後會先到火獄接受懲罰，真主是公平的，會按每人的壞事程度和懺悔程度，決定他在火獄接受懲罰多久。經過火獄的懲罰之後，只要你生前信真主，總有一天，你會從火獄走出來進入天堂，也就是indirect的「間接式上天堂」。

沈﹕拉登完全不經火獄是否可能？

奧﹕也可能，但每人情况不同，不能一概而論。聖訓記載，有個人見到一隻狗快要死便給他水，最後救活了狗，這件事傳到穆罕默德耳中，聖人說這個人做了很大的善事，足以抵消之前所做的所有壞事。又有人在家餓死了貓，先知卻說這足以抵消之前的善事。有些人做了很多壞事都可能受到主的原諒，直接進入天堂，這些全是真主決定。

沈﹕言下之意，是拉登早晚也會到天堂？

奧﹕對，而且假如他真的被美國打死，會上得更快、更直接，因為他已是烈士。

°°°
奧薩馬 = Usama?

Dein Weg zu tun

the very moment at which
left paw on threshold
about to show
the gleeful face almost followed

right paw hinged upon midair
hesitation
wrapped everything into a pause
or was it an end

waving back it beheld
the smiley raised and elevated
elation
it went out to embrace
each vault bred a lotus

'i would have gone mind blank
hopped out in flower field
and hug. eyes closed'
murmured the witness

'too much too fast too intense the pole cant hole?'
it suspected
'then its still right to pull the wrong pole down'
nod nod.

probably so.

For you, a thousand times over

´i looked at the photo. your father was a man torn between two halves, rahim knah had said in his letter. i had been the entitled half, the society-approved, legitimate half, the unwitting embodiment of baba´s guilt. i looked at hassan, showing those two missing front teeth, sunlight slanting on his face. baba´s other half, maybe, in the most secret recesses of his heart, baba had thought of as his true son.
i slipped the picture back where i had found it. then i realized something: that last thought had brought no sting with it. closing sohrab´s door i wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night´

the you is righteousness and love.

the kite runner -- khaled hosseini
a story of reconciliation with the home country, the culture, the family, the self. and humanity. some good human nature. some natural features of humans and non humans.
the process of which is long and painful. nothing like fancy epiphany.

more paradoxes

“When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for.”

haha (this reminds me of how i used to be ´haha,´ and a friend ´hehe´ lol that was nine years ago orz childhood and youth are the mellowest times oh dear)

i seldom toss a coin because i usually know what i want (i guess).
but the problem is: should i do what i want, or should i do what i should do?
in these occasions, the coin might still help.

suddenly i recall my visit to the atlanta aquarium almost a year ago
there was a pool in which u could put u hand and touch the coral and the urchin
and i had (i still have) that wound on my forearm

my ration told me that i shouldnt risk getting infected
or disgustingly and unhygenically leave some body parts (lol i mean body tissues or fluids) in the water
but i wanted to (here came my emo)

and i did it

the water was cool but i felt the germs lol
i mean...there had to be germs when there were organic beings down there
living creatures (love and hate)
and all kids (and some adults too) soaked their hands in there as well.
(i thought i am germophobic?)
but i did it anyway.

i think i go more with my heart than with my brain
like today ive been reading and not quite revising too
erm. i need someone to tell me if this is good or bad, right or wrong

(do all things need to be judged, even these...silly personal doings?)

°°°
ahhhh i wish this blog could go more ambiguous.
more like deterring literature
so only those who could bear would stay. and those who couldnt would look for new places to read.

but i aint a master of ambiguity yet

°°
was it among the first few entries that i wrote about my sneakily eating cherries on 85K?
and i have this best friend who told me when we met up that she knew i had cherries lolll
i was super elated when i felt people knew me.
but i also felt weird when someone read this and let me know
and i still do (sorry...)

i mean
i dont write with some specific readership in mind
i even wish i dont have friends reading it
so i could really write what i have in mind
hiding nothing fearing someone knows my evil thoughts

friends,
dont u think i could be pretending to be someone in this blog?
like
i act as if im nice and friendly and cherryloving but in reality i aint?
(well ofcourse you have your own brain to poke burst my hypocrisy)
and even if i aint acting
this blog is just what i think i am
it could be wrong
or
at least this is just part of me rather than a macro view of this weird being
so this is very partial

problem: i want people to know. but i dont want to know people knowing. PARADOX.
let me count how many have i revealed this blog to...ugh...

i secretly wish i make new friends when strangers read it and think
oh gosh this blogger writes what i think
well...now i have said it. its not a secret. too bad.

hmm. it feels really weird knowing who is reading it lol okay i will change the address when this weirdness grows too strong for me to bear.
erm. dont worry love when proseybrook doesnt exist anymore, it probably has become proseysomethingelse, and will probably return when my ego needs acknowledgment again, as often.
last time i killed my xanga and a friend thought i was about to jump off a building. (oh i killed it because i spent too much time on it. dont i have the same problem right now?)

hahahahahahaha i like how metaphysical this is.
but i really think i am schizophrenic lol

two-third-way response: the kite runner: afghan. taliban. hazara.

how could someone read and not moved?

the courage have i
or not
to do Things that mean something
Things that matter i crave i could
i pledge i would (so heavy i bear till collapse)

been reading the horror of this planet
aka brutality and bloodiness
aka stupidity and absurdity
aka impoverishment and barrenness of places
aka exploitation and discrimination of people
and more

all caused by us -- the supreme species of all
yuck gods children
so cursed
(are we created to be cursed? to suffer unknowingly, i.e. the worst of all suffereings?)

massacre of some races
inhumane treatment of females
(oh right these things have never stopped to my surprise)
and more

all are indeed
beings that are 99.999% us
and i mean both murders and victims
so too we are capable of similar savageness
(does harming people bring at least temporary satisfaction?)
just the thin thought of this scares the hell out of me.

or are we all feeble and fragile and helpless
for i already tend to think i am courageless and useless
wont make a difference whether this world has one more warm or cold heart
oder? bitte persuade me otherwise.
or i might convince myself
yes i could give up on mine because im tiny like dust
why bother

why am i brought to earth now i protest
i have never wanted to exist
you dont have my consent to bring me into existence
you steal my right of existence denial...

and now in my forced existence, i needa validate and legitimise my existence by doing good to the world (or what or how?)
which takes effort i aint sure i could afford to place
for i am selfish
and feeble and useless
three of probably more horrid characters passed to me through dirty genes and blood
(is there false logic going on here? i need some logical people)

and people say
dementia is a blessing
cause you know less think less and care less
this is nonsense
total crap
because non-existence, or death, is better than dementia.

helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll im so darkk.
correction: THIS WORLD is sof dark hellllllllllllllllllll.

who lied to me that reading brings pleasure?

how could i care about exam and worlds with friends and xinjiang and icecream and job and money and Cynicism blahblahblah when there are lives constantly being taken away out there (hahahahahahaha). best excuses. i deserve nothing but execution.

°°°
unless im really doing something something
wailing and complaining and criticising here should be forbidden
alright
back on the healthy track
wow im impressed lol

Zendagi migzara -- Rahim Khan

bugs me

CIA is terroristic
bin laden (might have been) dead. but vengeance and violence. uh oh.
horror. the horror - kafka

°°°
bad day

i see wealth corrupting love
authority compelling to obedience
i leave still a bit of respect
however unwillingly

i think i belong to another culture
i should be a bac in plain yogurt. nothing fancy.
organisch und natürlich bin ich.

why dont you cast me away and spend on some promising more reward
i reckon it a bad cause chosen
and you degrade an investment into a gamble
schlecht und schrecklich
sof monetary.
and money is distasteful.

now i know where originate cynicism and dogma.

could have been placed for a better cause
a cause that is loving and merciful
right and justifiable
now so unnecessary and wrong
and troublesome
and problematic
and it bugs me

you put bugs in my sleeves
my tunnels through which breeze blows through

hollowness

°°
ay i figure that i can tell unmindful jokes even at my worst condition.
i am so pathologically happy.

mindful: not to spread negative energy. fullstop.

minibus thought° age° pfui

so very inspirational talk on the minibus
oh dear friends friends friends i have the most awesome friends wowwwwww

so hin hin was telling me about it
'oh yes i dont tell her meanings behind obscene words she doesnt understand'
'huh? i would totally demand the truth and knowledge to everything, good or bad'
'dont want to get her polluted'
'yes she is totally too nice and too good and seriously, pure'

know more for good or for bad. i dont know. i just know i want to know more.
hm
could be
preserving someone as the someone. absolute no alteration. originality.

could there be: know more means have less because i lose intuition and instincts and faith and trust and some more seemingly precious virtues? dont know
but who could. maybe the opposite direction jesus knows

but i thought people change anyways?
regardless.
we just change over time for no reason
factors minor or major we evolve and
change
in a positive or negative direction impossible to argue about
perspective.

and i said i aint sure what i want
this is true
but
i also said
i wanted to try cause if i dont try i would never know.
try being prepared to fail
oh dear thats pathetic and too painful tho
escapeeeee im a goat an ostrich whose head now in sand.
another example of gaining to lose
oh dear poooooooooooor.

being submissive believing in fate.
okay fate will lead me there why bother
fate is making me submissive (or at other times terribly happy and positive and optimistic and hypocritical) oh well.

°°°
do u know that my grandmother has alzheimers? oh yes she does.
prime reason why i would kill myself when i malfunction.
its sad to see and horrible to bear.
ich brauche Einsamkeit.

°°
to that
wongfu movie everyone posted
well i think we missed the tolerance stage lol
great.
and effort? quite extreme in still impressed
mellownesssss vapourised in intangible air. teehee.

writing paper written

lol
dopamine is holding me up whilst i write my film paper
but
i need more epinephrine to FOCUS

film paper in one night??? i should have majored in film studies!!!

°°°

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
im not happy when i finish my last paper.
when will i write my next essay? in English?
wuah. i dont know T.T

so very weird moments of fun and. still being. conscious

'jesus why on earth could there be someone so hyper,' i thought to myself,
'he must have taken some drug or something,' i thought to myself,
'or maybe it is me who is so exceptionally tired to be living in this sunny day.
the warmth. the light. the brightness
of people
of this friend sitting right next to me
ah. in check.

hipping hopping making beats in sync with this music ultra loud with his body.
oh
and arms in hypnotic circular motions
as if he is shuffling the mahjongs or playing a disc joker

jesus what is he doing lol

this is getting quite creepy for me to sort of shake with him while reading him from the back
of my mind

i am so schzophrenic

why cant my mind stop flipping this book of text and pictures for just a while
in this relaxing moment labelled fun having karaoke time
orz

ugh

yes yes i could tell he is doing what he loves so he is up
but
to this very exaggerated extent?
laugh out loud

i dont understand it at all
but maybe its good to be
not thinking and just
gliding (so exact and explicit)
sometimes

aha we werent gliding lol
it was just being unconscious :)

i could have sat still and let awkwardness fill the room
but i have the courage not.
just fake a smile shout a laugh and live in real glee of numbness yay
for real. not true.
was ist authenticity?

Facebook lobbyist: Maybe we're allowing too much free speech | FP Passport

Posted By Joshua Keating Wednesday, April 20, 2011 - 11:29 AM

With President Obama visiting Facebook's Silicon Valley headquarters today, the Wall Street Journal takes a look at the company's ramped-up lobbying efforts in Washington. But one lobbyist's quote, flagged by Time's Austin Ramzy, isn't going to do the social networking giant's public image any favors:

"Maybe we will block content in some countries, but not others," Adam Conner, a Facebook lobbyist, told the Journal. "We are occasionally held in uncomfortable positions because now we're allowing too much, maybe, free speech in countries that haven't experienced it before," he said.

The comments highlights the increasingly awkward relationship between Facebook and the democratic activists who have championed its use as an organizing tool.The company has never been entirely comfortable with this role, as the Journal notes, declining, for instance, to sign on to the Global Network Initiative, an agreement on conduct within authoritarian countries by companies including Microsoft and Google.

Facebook's not in the business of promoting free communication, nor even "taking the entire social experience of college and putting it online". It exists to harvest self-provided user data to sell to advertisers and, at this point, any users who attribute other motives to it are kidding themselves. In that context, teaming up with Baidu to create a Facebook with Chinese characteristics makes complete sense, though somehow I doubt it's what the president will highlight during his visit.


Facebook lobbyist: Maybe we're allowing too much free speech | FP Passport

i would quit.

ich spreche nicht mein Herz

Vertrauen
Das verlorene Vertrauen
Das gebrochene Vertrauen
Es ist davor gekommen, wenn nichts gut entwickelt hat,
wenn die Welt noch chaotisch und unordentlich und unübersichtlich ist.
Wir leben im ekligen Wackelpudding.
Peinlich.

Vielleicht klinge ich glücklich und zufrieden und ordentlich
Aber das ist unwahr.
Zumindest nicht jetzt.

Entweder bin ich eine gute Spielerin, oder halte ich euch keinen Freunden sondern Kunden, denen ich gute Dienst leisten muss.

Aber auf jeden Fall bin ich sicher eine schöne Fürsorgerin. Tatsächlich habe ich gewusst, dass ich tröste kann und intuitiv bin.
Noch besser, wenn ich nicht einen Teil dieses Aufhebens bin.

ist es nicht lächerlich und komisch, wenn ich gesagt, ´Zweifel ist ansteckend. Der einzige Weg, sie dazu überwinden, ist mit Vertrauen zu fluten´?
es scheint sehr sehr poetisch und wahr und optimistisch aber
ich glaube das überhaupt nicht. gar nicht.

Aber das Leben ist ganz oft voll von allen kleinen Rückschlägen
Bedeutend ist der Mut, im ekligen Wackelpudding zu hausen und die störenden Dingen umzugehen,
das Herz zu enthalten und zu verdauen. (ich mag es, wenn es Englisch ist)

Gute Nacht, Verrückten Menschen.

Das Paar aus Mannheim

Ach! ich habe immer immer immer etwas mit meinen Lehrer.

also reden und reden wir, heute nach unseren letzten Unterricht
wir haben gesprochen alle darüber, Leben in den USA, Leben in Hong Kong, Unterricht, Filmen, Sprachen, Kulture, Regierungen...
und schließlich habe ich gelernt, warum du gekommen hat.
Grund: deine Frau hat einen schönen Beruf hier gefunden.
und erstaulich ist sie ein Professorin im Fachbereich von Journalismus und Kommunications .
Dieses Paar konnten mich Deutsch und Kommunications lehren.

Schönes Paar.

Warum sieht meinen Professoren immer so toll? :O
Was sollte ich tun, wenn ich außer der Schule bin

haemorrhage: SCHMERZEN. u. more Gladwell (love!)

holy crap it was so much pain :(
i couldnt imagine how i could deal with this pain if i aint twenty two
be adult-like be responsible for my own body ugh.

those 20 minutes i was hoping to be put into a coma
why wasnt anaesthetic used :(
like a line of magma lava thrusting busting spurting from within
or a knife cutting into my meat like you cutting a fish fillet
it was so f..king horrible.
and i couldnt make a sound to express my pain
and i couldnt sleep to dim my senses
holy crap ahahahahahahahahaha i thought i am a big good pain endurer
but this was SERIOUSLY too much blood and too much pain wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu T.T

p.s. amount of swearwords is directly proportional to the amount of pain i had.

°°°
the ketchup conundrum is a good read chapter.
so sweet and sour and salty and bitter and umami all at once makes good food.
the best blend. so exquisite so delicate.
and i like EZ Squirt!

°°
'Yet how could you know, Taleb wondered, whether that reason was responsible for someone´s success, or simply a rationalization invented after the fact?'

'An old trading partner of Taleb's, a man named Jean-Manuel Rozan, once spent an entire afternoon arguing about the stock market with Soros, Soros was vehemently bearish, and he had an elaborate theory to explain why, which turned out to be entirely wrong. The stock market boomed. Two years later, Rozan ran into Soros at a tennis tournament. "Do you remember our conversation?" Rozan asked. "I recall it very well," Soros replied. " I changed my mind, and made an absolute fortune." He changed his mind! The truest thing about Soros seemed to be what his son Robert had once said:

My father will sit down and give you theories to explain why he does this or that. But I remember seeing it as a kid and thinking, Jesus Christ, at least half of this is bullshit. I mean, you know the reason he changes his position on the market or whatever is because his back starts killing him. It has nothing to do with reason. He literally goes into a spasm, and it's this early warning sign

For Taleb, then, the question why someone was a success in the financial marketplace was vexing. Taleb could do the arithmetic in his head. Suppose that there were ten thousand investment managers out there, which is not an outlandish number, and that every year half of them, entirely by chance, made money and half of them, entirely by chance, lost money. And suppose that every year, the losers were tossed out and the game was replayed with those who remained. At the end of five years, there would be three hundred and thirteen people who had made money in every one of those years, and after ten years there would be nine people who had made money every single year in a row, all out of pure luck.. Niederhoffer, like Buffett and Soros, was a brilliant man. He had a PhD in economics from the University of Chicago. He had pioneered the idea that through close mathematical analysis of patterns in the market an investor could identify profitable anomalies. But who was to say that he wasn't one of those lucky nine? And who was to say that in the eleventh year Niederhoffer would be one of the unlucky ones, who suddenly lost it all, who suddenly, as they say on Wall Street, "blew up"?'

--from Blowing Up, What the Dog Saw, Malcolm Gladwell

°
so fated. so gefährlich. so random. so ´Fooled by Randomness´ lol
so rare im quite in love with non fiction slash non lit
malcolm rocks. newyorker rocks.

or maybe i just need a heavy does of english, read or type. hilarious.